Monthly Archives: October 2012

Nice Guys

When I step on a rug, I always say “I’m sorry.”

I try to good, to warm instead of frost.

Because the world is a jungle, a wild safari,

And sometimes the nice guys get lost.


But the one thing we navigate in this wide, scary world

Is the bedroom, where seldom nice guys are outclassed,

For to the women who look past our impishness is unfurled

The fact that nice guys always finish last.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems



I believe not so much in theology.

I have very little interest in geology.

But I do have a very unique philosopy,

And I’d like to share it with you.


I call this philosophy, appropriately, “Phil,”

For that is an acronym of the initials

Or the four central pillars, make of them what you will:

I hope they will apply to you.


P is for positive,

Which is often a pain.

It means to refrain

When you’d like to complain.

When you want to criticize, simply abstain,

And you’ve mastered the first part of “Phil.”


H is for happiness,

Which is no more than a choice.

When the world offers bad things, listen not to the voice

Which would make you be said, but instead make the choice

To be happy, and you’ve mastered more “Phil.”


I’s for integrity,

A hard word to rhyme.

It means to be honest, and refrain from crime.

Do what’s right, even if it’s hard, and do so every time,

And you’re almost done mastering “Phil.”


And L is for love.

It’s predictable, yes.

It’s very important, or so I should guess.

Everyone loves someone, or something, to death;

Love everyone like them, whether Elmer or Tess.

And thus, we finish Phil.


Choose to be positive, and give folks a chance.

Choose to be happy, regardless of circumstance.

Say what is honest and do what is right,

And love every person.  That is “Phil.”  Good night!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

My (Almost) Big News!

Yesterday, an amazing thing

Almost happened to moi!

As the French would say, I almost was part

Of a menage-a-troi.


I was missing only one small thing

When all was said and done.

But I didn’t mind.  I found it fine,

My little menage-a-one.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Haiku: Do’s and Don’t’s

This is a haiku.

Seven syllables this line.

First and last have five.


This haiku is bad.

Do not write one that’s like this.

That would be a mistake.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Stuff of Gods

Zeus likes keeping animals

Behind enclosure walls.

Ares is the God of war,

And busts a lot of balls.


Uranus is an deity

Who you can always say is yours,

And when the thunder God gets chicken pox

He becomes covered in Thors.


Muslims think that poultry

Is an animal about which to sing,

Because they worship Allah,

And with chicken Allah’s king.


Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Mathlete Threats

(-:  Not so much a poem, but I’m tired, so shut up. 🙂


“I’m going to flatten you like a parabola divided by the independent variable!”

“Your heart’s going to flatline like y=c, where c is a constant!”

“I’m going to hit you with a common log, naturally.”

“Your instantaneous rate of change is going down!”


(-:  Yes, I’m that tired.  Damn college! 🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized