Monthly Archives: September 2013

Bowling Shoes

“I’ve got a grand idea,”
Some terrible person said,
“Of how to extort bowlers
For an extra $2.50 a head.

“We’ll make them rent this tacky shoes
All red and green and orange
And just don’t mention anywhere
How many times they have been wornge.”

Well, that’s my rant in bowling shoes
Repeated here in whole.
The guy who thought up bowling shoes
Must not have had a sole.

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What Goes Around

What goes around comes around
At any time o’clocks.
It comes and goes and stays and flows
And runs and rolls and rocks.

Well the goes around, it came around
And changes it did make.
It changed its look, rewrote its book,
And left a foamy wake.

What goes around will break your heart,
And also make you whole
We need the goes around to live,
No matter what its toll.

Sometimes it’s big, sometimes small,
Sometimes white or black.
I do not know know what goes around,
But I know it will come back.

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The End of Summer

The leaves turn red
and orange and gold.
The days grow short,
The weather, cold.

School’s in session,
And a cool breeze
Stirs leafy ground
And furrows trees.

The Summer’s done,
But I’ll mail ya
Summer poems
From Australia.

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Who Needs Evidence?

Are the mob and the boy scouts
In secret cahoots,
With their secret passwords
And fancy salutes?

Would that mean the girl scouts
Are friends with the hood?
I guess that explains
Why the cookies are good…

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The Tryout

When I was a lad
Just fifteen years old
I wasn’t athletic
(or so I’d been told).

But I planned to defy
What those tellers had seen,
So I went to try out
For the varsity team.

I arrived at the field
As the players warmed up,
While the other try-outers
Put on pads, shoes, and cups.

I suited up quickly
And I followed them out
Of the football locker room,
Impressed with my clout.

Well, as I marched out
Next to guys twice my size
I thought for a moment
“Maybe this isn’t wise.”

But I bucked myself up
Because I had a dream.
Then the coach took the field
And surveyed his team.

“Go stand in a line!”
The football coach roared,
But behind all the anger
He seemed rather bored.

But that boredom faded
Surprisingly quickly
When he spotted me there,
Five feet tall and quite sickly.

“You,” the coach shouted,
“Don’t belong on this team.
You’re twelve inches two short
And four times too lean!”

But I stepped up and told him
“No coach, you’re wrong.
I may be little,
But I’m pretty darn strong,”

And I picked up a football,
All brown, sleek, and hard.
I pumped with my arm
And I tossed it… one yard.

The other kids laughed,
And the coach threw me out.
“Kids these days.
Don’t know what football’s about.”

As I left, I felt stronger,
Despite striking out,
‘Cause I conquered my fear
And I tackled my doubt.

And that night I was happy
And I held my head higher,
Filled with joy and remembrance
Of having slashed coach’s tire.

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The Sports Cow

Well Jeb, he was a farmer
Workin’ at a dairy.
He milked the cows,
he worked the plows,
Side by side with his loving wife, Mary.

But as a man he had an urge
To power up his life.
So he ate corned beef hash
and saved up his cash
And bought a gift for his wife.

Well Jeb, he covered Mary’s eyes
And led her to the field,
Where there waited a bull,
its proverbial tank full
And its eyes gleaming like a windshield.

“He does zero to 20 in an eighth of a second,”
Jeb boasted, feeling swell.
“He’s got lots of meat,
and a leather seat
And he sings farmer in the dell!”

Mary, well, she had her doubts.
“How much did you pay for this bull?”
“Just a hundred and ten,”
Jeb answered, and then
Mary, a tantrum did pull.

So Jeb had to return his fancy bull
To the fancy bull guy. What a bummer!
But he got his way
The very next day
When he purchased a shiny new hummer.

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A Fork in the Road

When traveling I stumbled
On a fork in the road.
I wondered “what is this?”
“Perhaps it’s a code?”

It was the oddest thing
I had seen in my life,
So I took it and put it
With my road spoon and knife.

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