I crack the fortune cookie
And read read the wisdom within.
“Today, be careful of breaking things.”
Cookie talent must be wearing thin.
With nineteen seconds to play in the fourth
The Phantoms were down by five.
The quarterback was middle-aged
And wanted to feel alive.
He scanned for his receiver
But saw just a wall of men,
So he said a prayer. The ball hit air
And began a spiral spen.
Fat Jerry from the corner store
Leapt with a prayer of his own,
And might have caught that desperate pass,
But he thought he heard his phone.
And as the boal soared past his hands
To a song that hadn’t played,
He knew he’d lost the MVP
And he wasn’t getting laid.
If you miss a manicure
You may mot feel remorse.
But then, just you imagine
You were riding on a horse.
You granbed the reins and kicked your heels,
But the horse, it gave a buck
‘Cause it knew your nails were bland.
Yeah, that would kinda suck.
As a child I planted bacon
To grow a bacon tree.
The others said it wouldn’t work,
But I said “wait and see.”
Summers passed and kids gree up.
The soil, it stayed flat.
My friends got educations,
But I’d no time for that.
Some guys got jobs and girlfriends.
I stuck with my feat though,
‘Cause one of these days my dreams will come true
And I will see my meat grow.
We’ve traveled weeks to Rivendell.
That much of our journey went pretty well.
A few weeks more to Moria.
And still still we were singing “Gloria.”
Now here we are at Mount Doom,
All out of sausage and Stevia.
We’re here to throw the ring in the fire.
This is where I leave ya.
The year I raised the 4H deer
Were the best days of my life.
Not only did I eat really well,
But I met my future wife.
She was a doe-eyed sophomore
Who smelled of smoke and beer.
She’s still my favorite cousin.
Good mem’ries, senior year.
Hope and honor,
Faith and love:
These are yours
When you rise above.
So keep moving ahead
If only by little bits.
And for those who won’t,
Here’s to Friday and tits!
I think that just before we’re born
We make like a video game;
We design our skills and appearances
And even pick our name.
I have evidence for my theory,
And you are my best case
‘Cause your fingers tend to slip a lot
And, well, look at your face!
I’d like to go green,
But what if I’m seen?