Monthly Archives: March 2016

Celebrity

I’m not saying

He was poor,

But he had no knocker

On his door.

He had one fridge

And one garage

And he used paper

In his collage.

He only owned

Twelve pairs of shoes

And rarely ever

Was on the news.

His watch was bought

For less than his car.

Lol! Peasants…

Humbly yours, The Star.

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What Gets You Going

Look at me,

Your darling man,

And tell me what you see.

Are bulging arms

And washboard abs

All there is to me?

Is my gleaming hair

In the setting sun

What makes your heart seek mine?

Is it how I flee

When your husband gets home

At 8:00 instead of 9:00?

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Woodchuck It At Their Head!

Regarding amount of wood

Chucked by a woodchuck:

I’ll make the suggestion

That it increases greatly

When in the presence

Of someone asking that stupid question.

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Honest Guy Problems

“What’s your favorite body part?”

The online survey said.

I wrote “chest hair.” I’m a guy,

And thus my empty bed.

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Jesus, Night Owl

On the morning of the third day

Since Jesus died for our sins

He said “I waiteth to push the boulder

“Until the afternoon begins.”

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Vegan Conspiracies

They make blueberry, strawberry,

Blackberry jam,

But not jam out of chicken,

Venison, spam.

Why do we make paste

Out of fruits and such

But not dead animals?

Suspicious much?

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Don’t We All

They say I’ve a nose like a bloodhound,

Eyes of an eagle, ears of an elf.

That’s a polite way for people to say

I suck at hide-and-seek when I play by myself.

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