Monthly Archives: May 2016

One Loss, Two Thoughts

It’s not my fault! It was the sun!

Some dust got in my eyes!

The ump said ball. It was a strike.

This game is naught but lies!

We said good game, but it was not.

We’re better anyway.

Their uniforms are lower class.

Their coach is probably gay.


We lost it all. I missed the catch

Eleven innings in,

My glove an inch from victory,

A mile from a win.

Thus we nine fallen warriors

Shook hands with better men,

And so we slept among our tears

And rose to fight again.

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Life Is Better As An Illiterate Monstrous Subrace Online

I was born into a social contract.

I didn’t choose it for myself.

It says that I must obey laws

And I can never be an elf.

It includes some pretty lousy clauses

Like “you cannot gramatically refer to yourself in the first person as ‘me'”

And “poems should have meter.”

That’s why I quit to play an RPG.

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I’m An Optimist. A Facebook Test Told Me

Sometimes in our sweet world

Hell freezes over

And you find no joy in puppies

And no luck in a four-leaf clover.

But other times our sweet world

Goes to the regular fiery Hell

And we shed our layers and get a tan

And enjoy it pretty well.

So if you’re doomed to misery

Throughout all your days

You may as well enjoy it

And smile anyways.
And if not you can leave a sarcastic comment for a preachy poet. 🙂

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No Circum Love?

Judging by response

Of yesterdays rhyming junk

You folks not fans of grammar.

This poem be good then, so me did thunk.

Us will judge by them responses

Whether stuff like this be fine.

And if you dont not dislike it

Please feel free to whine.

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Don’t Circum To Temptation

Circum is a prefix

Whose presence does effect

In many ways its second part,

For instance: Circumspect.

If Circum is added to

A position in a dance

You will find that you have made

A unique circumstance.

If instead you circum

A trip to another state

You might be delighted

That you can circumnavigate.

There are circum words

That most people can’t define

Like circumference and circumscribe

And circumquasiredefine.

But there’s a word that to circum

Would not be very wise.

You may have guessed by now

That that word, of course, is “size.”

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All Mips Are Mops, and Some Moos are Maps…

The squeaky wheel gets the grease:

If we know this is real

Then I can logically conclude

My hair is a squeaky wheel.

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If By Some Zany Coincidence It Happens To Be Your Birthday Today…

What a day! 

May 25!

Let’s celebrate that 

You’re still alive!

Some years were good,

Some years were tough,

But we celebrate them all

By buying you stuff!

The folks you know

Will email and call

And write well wishes

On your Facebook wall.

And then at the end

You’ll be delighted to see

This snazzy poem

To you from me.

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Life is an event

That happens to us all.

Some lives end in greatness

While others are extras

In a George Lucas story.

As for me…

I’m a rebel poet,

The greatest George Lucas extra

Who ever got too tired to rhyme.

You only get one life to take for granted;

Don’t waste the opportunity.

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Not My Genre

He knows that she knows

That I know that he knows

That I think I know

That she thinks he knows me.

If you didn’t quite get that

Then know that I think

That you and I know

To avoid mysteries.

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Thank You For Listening

If your advertisement

Interrupts my viewing pleasure,

My search for pirated movies,

Or conversations about the weather

Please understand that never

Will I buy what you have shown.

Now do the world a favor

And get your *#%& off my phone!

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