Monthly Archives: November 2016

Don’t Worry: None Of This Crap Is True (Except the Punchline)

My bones ache,

My pores burn,

My very innards

Are a’ churn.

Exhaustion sets

My hair ablaze.

I do approach

The end of days.

I’m dehydrated

As I ask you

Why wouldn’t I

Stay up ’til 2:00?

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If I Were A Duck

I think poetic ducks

Have a fondness for fresh cumin

Since that enables many jokes

Of mallards shouting “human!”

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Alt Wisdom

Never be nervous to be who you are.

Don’t be afraid to be you.

Don’t feel scared to ask “whyever so?”

When the other owls only ask “who?”

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I Made Them For You!

Goats don’t make good rolling pins:

That’s how this recipe begins.

They kick and spit and stomp and bray

But my cookies taste fine anyway.

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What A Ruffled Life He Lays

The sound of screaming guitars

And the smell of burning tires

A flash of purple lightning

And your flavor on my lips,

A lightness in my beating heart

Merges with everburning fires

As my vision fades to black

And I see my life is a commercial for chips.

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Rich People Suck Or Something, But Not Really…

You may be a man of means

Who’s healthy, wealthy, and wise. You

Sure may be a man of means

And if so I must despise you

For if you are a man of means

Your good luck clouds your head

For who would be a man of means

And not a man of nices instead?

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How To Run A Bad Poetry Blog

Step 1: Think

Step 2: Don’t

Step 3: At 11:00

Give up at write “bloant.”

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…Which Is In 52 Minutes Because Life

I’m grateful for my blessings.

I’m thankful for my friends.

My family’s a wellspring

Through which all my trouble ends.

I’ve so much joy I’ll lend it out

To those who need to borrow,

But I won’t express my gratitude;

I’m saving it for tomorrow.

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Illustration Omitted… You’re Welcome 

Yankee Doodle went to town

Riding on a pony.

Scooby and gang ripped his face off

Proving he’s a phony!

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California Logic

If at first you don’t succeed

You’ve no choice but to secede.

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