Monthly Archives: May 2017

Covfefe: Another Possible Story

I remember my dog

That I had as a lad.

We’d go to the water

And I’d swim with him.

I named him Covallion

Cause I thought it sounded hot.

Turns out he was a girl

So he/she became FeFe.

Cov/Fefe and I

Would eat cake by the lake.

Probably wasn’t healthy for her

But she’d still eat. It was neat!

Then Cov/Fefe died.

How she ate… It was fate.

This poem’s depressing,

But so’s the meme, it would seem.

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Passions and Priorities

What longings, cravings

Of the heart

Cannot be satisfied

By walking, strolling

‘Neath Springtime’s sun

With both eyes open wide?

What joys, what pleasures

Known to man

Cannot be thus attained?

For sunshine, brightness


Make life’s sweetness sustained.

The nymph’s, the angel’s
Coats are shed,

Replaced by skirts and skin.

Such heat, desire

In humid air

Invite the males in.

And men, Adonis

In their minds

Accept the season’s gifts.

Like thermals, doves

Nature collides.

Winter’s tyranny so lifts.

Neath cloudless, flawless

April skies

The hedonist may bloom.

But dark, but stuffy

Basement youth

Focus on playing “Doom.”

And wonders, magic,

Even heaven

Dance about for humankind,

But fragging! Headshots!

Despite marvels missed

We introverts don’t mind.

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Four Stanzas, One Punchline, Infinite Regrets (The Chicken Poems Return)

For every chicken sandwich

You eat throughout your life

A hen loses her husband

Or a rooster’s sans his wife.

Are you emotionally mature enough

As down the hatch she goes

To tell the rooster where’s his wife

And that he doesn’t have any toes?

Are you prepared to face the widow

As on her man you chew,

To look her in her beady eyes

And say “no cock for you!”

For every chicken sandwich

A family is dead.

Tune in for tomorrow’s poem

About the horrors of eating bread!

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Weirdness Is Genetic

This one takes sone explanation.

‘Twas late and I lacked imagination

So I asked “what to write? The words just won’t come!

My parents said “Karma or Fritos.”

Now you know where I get it from.

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It Sounded Better In My Head

Here eyes were like flowers

In April’s sweet bloom,

Like a tropical bird

Viewed through 8x digital zoom,

Like tiny galaxies

Filled by the purest of bliss.

This was a chance

Which I just couldn’t miss.

And so I approached her,

Her eyes locked with mine.

I said “Hi! I’m David.”

She said “I’m Caroline.”

I said “your eyes are wondrous.

“They belong in a museum!”

My court date’s this Friday

If you want to come see ’em.

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Nature Is A Dick (Plus An Optimistic Death Message?)

I asked a skunk

“Are you a skunk?”

It didn’t answer me.

I asked a duck

To try my luck

But answer not did he.

I asked a bear

“Are you a bear?”

And at least I got an answer.

Sure, it killed me

In eight seconds.

On the bright side, hey! No cancer!

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To All The “Alt-Moms” Out There

Little birds fly

And small children don’t.

Dogs obey loving masters

But small children won’t.

Whales jump on command

Through rings made of fire

But children would never

Do something so dire.

Small children are builders,

But so is an ant.

A fly can do everything

Small children can’t.

Pediatricians are pricey.

What’s cheaper are vets.

That’s why I shun children

In favor of pets.

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The Poet Eats PBJs and Justifies His Existence

I’d rather be happy than rich.

Mansions are fine, but smiles are hot.

I’d rather be happy than rich,

And I’m happy to say that I’m not.

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Always Get A Second Opinion

Glorious, glorious, glorious mom!

You are the shizzow! You are da bomb!

Your presence brings comfort, just like forty winks.

Dad says “no pet dolphin’, but what does you thinks?

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When You Have The Heart Of A Lion But She Has The Sensibilities Of A Homo Sapien

We met online at 12:00 AM

And bonded over cats.

We bared our souls with smileys

And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.

We texted back and forth a bit

Before we met in real life.

You thought I was kinda cute.

I knew you’d be my wife.

But as the days and weeks went by

Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.

You kept some of the gifts I sent you

But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!

So now I’m naked, watching Louie

On Amazon TV

Regretting how your heart did not

Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.

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