Monthly Archives: December 2017

And Who’s This Floyd Guy Anyway?

We could talk about the ego,

Super-ego, or the id

But I don’t think that does justice

To the amazing things Freud did.

Anyone can acknowledge

That people’s brains are weird,

Have a couch to lie on,

Or grow a snazzy beard,

But how many psychiatrists

Can also play guitar

Like Dr. Sigmund “Pink” Freud did?

That guy was quite a star!

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A Missed Onomatopoeia

Whoever invented the word “tickle”

Made a fatal flaw.

They should have called it “squirch,”

‘Cause that’s how it feels to moi.

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Vegans, You’re *Almost* Right

Pigs are perfect!

That’s what I think.

They’re smart and they’re fat

And they’re pretty in pink.

They’re as faithful as dogs.

They’re unable to hate.

There’s no animal better

To have on my plate.

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When Your Dream Job Is *This Close*

If I were a sniper

And also a duck

I’d rely on my training

And also my pluck

To take out a target

In one master stroke.

I’d let out a quack

When I see the guy croak.

Being a duck sniper

Some might call “fowl.”

But I could wear camo makeup

And maybe a cowl.

But alas I was born

With a bad lot of luck;

I could still be a sniper

But never a duck…

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Aria for Happy Fools and Background Noise

Our lives are like a song

In a language we don’t know.

Our feet tap to the beat of the world

When we feel that special flow.

It starts out as a whisper

And builds into the cry

Of a baby with the will to sing

But no knowledge how or why.

It may turn many corners.

It changes every verse.

The song always gets better

Even if it may sound worse.

Some songs will stop too suddenly

And some go on too long.

Since we don’t know what we’re singing

Why care if something’s wrong?

You can sing however’s comfortable.

When all is said and sung

I hope I’m singing nonsense

‘Til I get my iron lung!

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Plot Armor, Reality Edition (50% Off)

Wheresoever you should find

Yourself in trouble or a bind

Know that you will never fail

As the protagonist of your own tale.

The path of bullets shall amend

To prevent your untimely end.

Villains shall, when all is done,

See your point when you have won.

Love will find you in the dark.

Respect replaces scorn and snark.

And if instead you fail and fall…

No one minds, ’cause you weren’t the main character after all.

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Here’s Your Gift From Me :-)

‘Twas finally Christmas

And all over the place

Were lots of much better poems

So I’ll get out of your face.

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Happy Memories and Family…ish

Snow and presents,

Carols, nostalgia.

Yes, ’tis the season

And that’s why I called ‘ya.

We had a great year.

Yeah, the kids are alright.

I’m glad you’re my family.

Call you next year. Good night.

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Unintended Consequences

‘Twas two days before Christmas

And filling the sky

Were Amazon.com drones

Sent by those who clicked “buy.”

The children looked up

And they felt the lie slipping.

Parents said “Santa outsourced

“To get next day shipping.”

The children relaxed,

Curiosity sated

And went to their rooms

And for Christmas eve waited.

Meanwhile in Alaska

Somewhere near North Pole

Rudolph stood in line

To get on the state’s dole,

To collect unemployment

For now he could see

That his job, thanks to robots,

Had gone down in history.

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On The Importance Of Proper Labeling

I hear the sound of fallen snow

Like the moment before applause,

The echo of previous silence,

A silent question’s pause.

My ears softly ring

From what’s no longer there.

And I silently sigh inside myself

And lie back in my chair.

Where once I was an emperor,

A man respected, feared,

For whom the wicked trembled

And for whom the righteous cheered,

Now I sit, a man alone,

Completed in rebirth.

In the silence now I tell myself

“I thought the other button nuked the Earth!”

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