Monthly Archives: January 2018

Rest in Pieces

Many a cliff has suffered,

Many a mountain fell,

Many a stone was carved upon

For a corpse’s age to tell.

And so I stand in memory

Of the headstones far and wide

Who gave their lives to lay

And tell us who here-lied.

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Except For Your Desire To Like And Follow This Blog… That’s A Healthy And Natural Desire

Release your expectations,

Let your preconceptions go,

And feel the endless universe

Again begin to flow

And the morons who surround you

And the stupid crap they say

Will be caught in freedom’s current

And finally wash away.

So give up on the must haves,

The shoulds, the oughts, the wants,

Ignore the could-be-betters

And the little human taunts.

Give up on perfection,

On how “great” looks in your mind

And you’ll find new satisfaction

On the blank slate left behind.

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The “Happy And You Know It” Verse That Got Me Fired

If you need special education

And can’t digest information,

If you need special education

Thump your chest!

(Thump thump thump thump…)

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Hauling You

I said your boyfriend’s got

A hell of an ass.

You said he’s an amputee.

I said I meant

The ass on his arm.

Now you aren’t friends with me.

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Let’s Be Honest (Because Hallmark Isn’t)

I love you more than anything,

And if you were to change

Into an evil living-plastic moth

Or something equally strange,

Something ugly, something violent,

Something truly vile to touch

Then I want you to know

That I might not love you quite as much.

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The Hamburger… What Were You Thinking Of?

I’ve seen your pictures everywhere.

I love the way you smell.

Some say you’re just a piece of meat

But you’re more… I can tell.

Your buns are round and toasty

And inside you’re tangy sweet

And if I had a bit more money

Then our meeting’d be my treat!

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Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)

Some Americans on food stamps

Are demanding food for pets,

‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”

I say cut the stamps

And let Lady eat the tramps…

Save money and kill two birds with one stone!

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On This Cats And I Agree

Humans are stupid,

But that’s not a poem.

This line is filler.

Humans are so dumb.

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Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!

If feminism means “go women”

And humanism means “people are good”

Then racism means “yay fast people,”

Or at least it should.

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This Wasn’t Covered In The Dossier…

I wonder if spies

Get to choose their codename…

I mean, “Stallion” is great

But “Gelding” is lame,

And for every Thunder,

Placebo, and Drake

There’s a Lumbar, a Bubba,

A Plumpy, a Rake.

If anyone who spies

Is reading this… yo!

Give me a shout out

‘Cause I wanna know.

It’s very important

For my future end.

Thanks for your help!

(P.S Writing for a friend)


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