Monthly Archives: August 2018

If “The Red Wheelbarrow” Is Good, Why Isn’t This?

Her love made me warm and fuzzy

Like a bit of french cheese

Left in a sauna over the weekend

But, alas, she had fleas.

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Harps Aren’t Free, You Know!

I awake from endless slumber

Beside a river I don’t know

Where a luminous boat is waiting

For one willing to row.

We pass through crystal mountains

And forests made of glass

While the water sings serenely

As through it my oars pass.

I see the Lord of Heaven

And His splendor makes me whole.

Then I watch a 30-second ad

For the brand new Kia Soul.

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40 Virgins Is A Better Incentive… Just Saying

They mentioned becoming Jewish.

They said I ought and should.

Then the bris and lack of bacon came up

And Hell started to sound real good.

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When “Beauty” Becomes An Industry

There are some people named “she”

Who want, to a man’s heart, the key

So they wear a disguise

For their tits, hips, and eyes

To find men who will “love me for me.”

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That’ll Wake You Up!

Some people pour milk in their coffee.

Some people pour milk in their tea.

This morning I mixed up the orange juice and milk.

It was as you’d expect it to be.

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True Dat… Lmao

I wanted to pass the Turing test.

I tried and tried my very best.

But I used an apostrophe when I spelled “theyre.”

They called me a bot but I didn’t care.

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Great Name, Slightly-Maggoty Flavor

If I were a fruit

I would be a dragonfruit

‘Cause no one eats those.

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What Fruits The Idle Mind Hath Yielded This Morn

If birds ate at restaurants

I imagine KFC

Would be a lot more popular.

The reason might just be

That folks would eat at restaurants

Where birds would frequent less.

You might think that’s racist

But that’s my fairest guess.

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*Cough* It Helps A LOT *Cough*

There once was an irreverent poet

With a blog, and he wanted to grow it

But with few likes per post

The internet host

Told google results not to show it.

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And Then There Were Just 14 Balls

I asked a higher being,

The all-knowing and all seeing

If I should turn my life around

Or stay the same, all safe and sound.

I saw a vision in the blue

And what it said had to be true.

I summoned my courage and focused my zen.

It said “Reply hazy. Try again.”

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