Monthly Archives: October 2018

Mad Libs: Nature’s Gift To Difficult-To-Rhyme Words

Their humor’s derived

From the cognitive dissonance

From grammatical consistency

Despite nonsensical words.

Some think they’re contrived,

But some say they’re ____________.

I think they’re _____________

But then again I like nerds.

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Advice To Passive-Aggressive Discussers Of All Things Political

Instead of intelligent conjecture

Or giving your opponent a lecture…

Just say “Hitler was right”

And boom! Have a fight.

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Another Once-Great Species Ruined

There once was an African lion

Who was handsome and noble and clever.

He wanted his head to be put on a wall

So he could be admired forever.

Alas, some American vegans

Made a law that to hunt him was banned

So know he stays home in the evenings

And watches MGM films on demand.

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It Started So Well…

You need rain to make a rainbow.

You need rain to make a plant grow.

You need rain to have water fall from the sky

And that, gals and gents, is how inspirational quotes die.

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After Monkeys Throw Down

Monkey see monkey doo.

Monkey cleans up monkey poo.

Monkey reminds, for everyone’s sake

That difference a comma and an “o” can make.

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You Won’t Believe The Monkey’s Side Of The Story!

As we ran around the Mulberry bush

I thought that all was well.

Then the weasel was all like “Pop!”

And I was like “Dude, what the Hell?”

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California, Son

I wish I could go to the beach

Without hearing the word “impeach,”

Could drive my car for quite a while

And go more than a half a mile,

Could say the word “black”

And not draw stares.

It’s where everything matters

But nobody cares.

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Hi Debbie!

If you were a prescription drug

I’d call you Trilambdakrip

Because the word is meaningless

Just like our relationship.

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A Simile Of Children And Pearls

You are the granule of dirt

In the heart of my oyster,

Ever growing and causing irritation.

That pain will soon end

And you will be a pearl,

Strung together with others of your kind

And hung on women’s necks

To make them look richer than they really are.

Maybe you will become the keys

On a fancy musical instrument,

But that is statistically unlikely.

Somewhere the metaphor got lost,

But alas! You won’t follow suit.

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…The Bass, That Is

My DJ name is “Other Shoe.”

I’m the cream of the DJ crop.

No matter what other DJs do

They wait for “Other Shoe” to drop…

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