Welcome to the Tundra

(A Parody of “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses)

Welcome to the Tundra.

We’ve got fun and games.

We’ve all got PhD’s, Honey

And we’re all named Frank or James.

One hour on Skype’s all the social

Intercourse we need.

If you’ve got a scientific grant,

We’ve got your deep freeze.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

Watch it bring you to your knees.

I want to watch you renew our funding please.

Welcome to the tundra.

We take it day by day.

If you want it, you’ll wear lots of fur,

And get industry-competitive pay.

And if you’re a very sexy girl

Let likes to talk and chat

You better get your cell phone out

‘Cause us guys don’t dig all that.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Feel my, my, my polar bear.

Ooh, you’d better grow your hair.

Welcome to the tundra

Where we’ve got two-hour days.

You learn to live like an animal

In our permafrost-sampling ways.

If your hungry, here’s an MRE.

You’ll get used to them eventually.

You can have anything you want

Unless it’s fresh, flavorful, or hot.

And if you’re high, you’re actually

At the same elevation as everyone else.

You know where you are;

You’re in the tundra baby.

Your skin’ll get dry in the tundra.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Studying stratification.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Writing your dissertation.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Extrapolating from incomplete information.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

It’ll bring you to your

Required credits of applied study. Ha!