Tag Archives: Parody

Guest Poem By JJ Abrams (Almost)

What do you call a shark with no eyes

Or an angel pouring red wine?

The answer’s big-budget

But in the end I just fudge it

‘Cause I couldn’t think up a punchline.

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You Pull Me Down (The Alcohol Song)

When my body is strong

And my conscience is clean,

When troubles flee

And there’s no pain to be seen

Then I sip you

And fade into the white noise

Until the darkness comes

And has its way with me.

You pull me down

So I can walk on water.

You pull me down

To kiss a killer bee.

I am loud

And damp and have a bee sting.

You pull me down

And show the real me.

Then I awake

And find my house is tattered,

My lampshade’s gone

And so’s my front door key

And on my arm

My blood says “Margueritte wuz here.”

I don’t know her

But I guess she knew me.

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Dating A CEO

I did some ideation

On the topic “you and me”

And I want to move the needle

To upgrade our synergy.

I figured I would reach out

And shift your paradigm

To show how being in my wheelhouse

Is an impactful use of time.

So let’s break through the clutter

Via disruptive innovation

And prepare mind share initiatives

Through casual conversation

And I hope that going forward

Thanks to holistic execution

This relationship of ours

Will have a win-win resolution!

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Walking On Eggshells

Humpty Dumpty leapt from a wall

HD was determined to just end it all.

Later on on a talk show

Some Hollywood actor

Said being named “Humpty” may have just been a factor.

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Social Norms: A Disney Musical (Yes, This Is Irony)

Keep it in, keep it in.

Just keep it bottled up

And let no petty feelings

Fall in your proverbial cup.

Don’t be tempted by expression

And ignore that will to live

‘Cause money’s what you want

And money’s all we have to give.

So keep it in, keep it in.

Keep it tucked away inside.

Joyful outbursts and sad moments

Neither one should you abide.

All those swirly bits of feeling

That bounce around your head

Are horrors from the outside world.

Just watch TV instead!

Keep it in, keep it in

Because peace takes too much work

And if you are emotional

People might think you’re a jerk,

So take a swig, a puff, a pill,

A needle in your vein

So you can keep it in some more

And stop feeling the pain.

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The Best Classical Music Parody You Have To Sing Yourself (Guaranteed Orgasm In 45 Seconds)

People say that music

Is the worst it’s ever been.

I disagree because of one song

Written by Herr Beethoven.

If you take his fifth symphony

(That goes Da-da-da duuuuuuuh)

And simply give it the lyrics

“Oh baby yeah, oh baby uhhh!”

It becomes a pop hit

To match the best today.

Here’s a link to prove it.

You’re welcome, by the way.

Helpful hint: Just sing those two lyrics with the melody for about twenty seconds and you’ll get the intended effect.

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It’s Not Easy Being Anakin

Back when we were younger

I saw you on the sand.

I asked “are you an angel?”

Though I wasn’t yet a man.

Then I left my family

And the only home I knew

To be the kind of wizard

Who deserved a queen like you.

My world with you seemed softer,

Not like sand that’s rough and coarse,

Your presence a temptation

Like the dark side of the force.

I wanted an eternal life

With you, my precious star,

But alas instead of in my heart

I looked for it on Mustafar.

There I had an accident

Involving lava splatter.

My foe had the high ground

But I thought it didn’t matter.

As you died in childbirth

We shared one final “Ow!”

Then your boss gave me a suit

And said “You’re Vader now.”

And now I rule the galaxy

With my evil brand of zen

Until I find that special someone

Who calls me daddy once again.

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