Tag Archives: Parody

YouTube Circa 1564

Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate

For thou hast used our deodorant spray

And got ten percent off with code “Sonnet”.

Sometimes too hot the eye of Heaven shines

But thy armpits know no unwelcome wet.

Aluminum and pareben free, thine’s

The finest deodorant on the net.

Thus thy eternal Summer shall not fade

Nor sweat defile the dryness of they blouse

Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade

For thou art fresh as if stay’d in thy house.

This deal shall last not longer than a day

So click mine link affiliate and slay.

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Basically All Of Shakespeare’s Sonnets

You are a man of quite unique good looks

And thus a person of value to see

But since you may not read a lot of books

Perchance you are not all you hope to be.

In contrast to the previous stanza

I urge you to consider: have a kid

For when you’re old like the show “Bonanza”

You’ll be very happy that you did,

For time is cruel to those who aren’t asian

And you’ll soon be wrinkly and unsightly

So get to work to not be a virgin

And pursue this mission every-nightly.

When you’re dead your kid will go on living

And your pretty face will keep on giving.

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Netflix Adaptations Claim Another Beloved IP

There once was fish that was blue

And instead of just one there were two

And another was black.

Red you say? That sounds wack!

And also the fish were gay too.

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Introducing Your 2028 President Elect

I do not know the muffin man.

I really don’t know nothing, man.

All I know is muffin man

Repeats things, so I’m told.

I’ll tell you of the muffin man

Since you’re no fan of muffin man.

You’ll hear repeats by muffin man

‘Cause the teleprompter’s old.

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We Were Always At Least 51% Confident That We Were The Best…

The itsy-bitsy Seahawks

Flew up the water spout.

The one-yard line

Injected us with doubt.

Out came the sun

In San Francisco bay

And the itsy-bitsy Seahawks

Are champions today!

This poem is dedicated to Kenneth Walker III, the first running back in decades to win super bowl MVP.

Good things come when you run the ball.

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The Sound Of Christmas

Hello Santa, my old friend.

I’ve come to talk with you again

Because it seems that you have been creeping,

Watching me while I was sleeping,

And the rating that you gave me on your list

Still persists

Within the sound of Christmas.

On snowy streets I walked alone,

Seeking humbly to atone.

Sounds of sleigh bells ‘round the holidays

Remind me all about my naughty ways

And my eyes are peeled for the red of a nose so bright

To light the night,

Guiding your flight this Christmas.

And in the Winter night I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People shopping without speaking

Snowflakes falling but not glistening,

Heard the same old songs from the 1950’s blared;

No one cared

To change the sound of Christmas.

“Fools” said I, “He always knows

How many sizes your hearts grows.

Hear my words that I might teach you

To not be naughty. I beseech you.”

But my words like silent snowflakes fell

And echoed with the bells of Christmas.

And the people bowed and prayed

Where the son of God was laid

While the signs flashed out their decree:

“Come in and buy one and you’ll get one free.”

And the line down the sidewalk

Seeking discounts will find their goal

And get some coal

In their stocking this Christmas”

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Gotta Earn That $25 Visa Gift Card Christmas Bonus!

‘Twas the night before Monday,

The holiday’s end,

And the workers had finished

Their Black Friday spend.

Their cars were all parked

With their windshields frosted

And bellies were bulging

From turkeys accosted.

When all of a sudden

There came such a clatter

And the bosses were shocked,

Asking what was the matter

That caused half the workers

To all call in sick.

Was it coincident timing

Or some type of trick?

So the managers dialed

A flurry of phones

And said, “Hey how are you”

In indifferent tones

Before they proceeded

With the meat of their call:

“You must come in tomorrow

“Or not come back at all.”

And so all the workers

With debt growing daily

Said “Sure, see you Monday”

While giggling gaily.

Then the bosses drove off

To their villas, inspired.

Merry Monday to all!

Get to work or you’re fired!

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Book Review: A Dark And Horny Knight

It’s about this guy who’s a demon

With virile and plentiful… oh lord.

I tried dear, I swear

But I really don’t dare

To review the books that have you screamin’.

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Is This How Pokemon Started?

Tiger tiger, burning bright

In the zoo, so late at night.

Alas, it seems those corporate jerks

Failed to show how the extinguisher works.

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And For June’s Bingo Card…

Donald and Elon sitting in a tree

T.W… oops… X.I.N.G.

First come threats

War comes later

And wait, is that Kanye playing mediator?

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