Tag Archives: Parody

Why I Love Football

This month we will experience

The NFL’s preseason

In which millionaires hit each other

Deapite the lack of any reason,

And we the fans will cheer

To kick our team’s rival’s posterior

Because we can’t play ourselves

Since we’re genetically inferior.

We’ll sit and eat and fart a bit

And somehow manage to sweat.

At the end half of us will sob

While half say “best preseason yet!”

Then we picture our team’s victory

And order larger pants

With the logo of some other team

That actually has a chance.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Whose Phone Is This? (Aka The White-Guy-Alone-On-The-Bus-In-Harlem Song)

Whose phone is this

That disturbs my rest,

Who informs its master

By beeping?

Its constant noise

Does so make me stressed

For one minute ago

I was sleeping.

This, this

Is the white guy’s phone

Which disturbs your sleep

Via default tone.

This guy

Will be lain to rest

At the mortuary of Saint Mary.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, Songs

Breaking Up Is Easy To Do

May I compare thee

To a big slab of meat:

Not too tricky to buy,

Satisfying to eat.

…Apparently not!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tell Me With A Straight Face This Is Better Than My Usual Crap… I Dare You

While in the misty sunrise

The cooing birds

Smile like butterflies

So I made weak

By trickling hearts

Dot my i’s

With scarlet

Just kidding

I dot them in green

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

How I Read Political Posts

Today elected people

Did a thing I think is bad

And I want all my contacts

To be upset that I am sad.

I want my friends and followers

To hear my text-based whine.

If you’re not sympathetic

Then an argument’s also fine.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Corporations Are Evil (Because I Want Them To Be)

“Corporations are evil”

I think as I buy my Special K

And hop in my Toyota

And drive to the YMCA.

“Corporations are evil”

Is what’s running through my head

While I surf Youtube on my iPad

From my new Sleep Number bed.

“Corporations are evil”

Helps me eat my Eggland’s Best,

Helps me get ready for work at Megatech

As in Prada I get dressed.

“Corporations are evil”

Is a truth you can’t deny

Because my friends say it on Facebook

Which means that so should I.

“Corporations are evil.”

Was that all I have to say? Check!

It helps me feel virtuous

As Wells-Fargo cashes my paycheck.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Anti-Drug Treatise?

Great Scott would eat no pot.

His wife was also clean.

Their afternoons were generally normal

And they did not live in Colorado.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems