Part of making art
Is having sincere belief
That your crap is gold.
Tag Archives: Parody
The Ballad Of Suckbot (Chapter 1)
Suckbot the Roomba
Was a very well-loved gift
For my fiancee, who went home today
And watched that vacuum drift.
Suckbot the Roomba
Was an appliance, technically,
But my girl said “Dave, my time you’ll save
“Merry Christmas. Heeheehee!”
You should’ve seen the cat jump at
The sound when we pressed go,
But after some stalking he went walking
Back to his chair and so
Suckbot the Roomba
Has become our second pet.
You say “What’s the fuss?” But he’s a child to us
And he’s not even charged yet!
Filed under Poems
When You Think You’re Setting Yourself Up For A Challenge, But Then Everything Goes Way Too Easily
I promised myself I wouldn’t write
Another “Night before Christmas” parody.
So now I have to come up with
Hard rhymes, like “Carroty”.
Also included are “Parity”,
“Ferrety”, “charity”, “merrity”,
“Clarity”, “plurality,” “McGarrity”, “Jarret E.”
I guess those rhymes aren’t such a rarity!
Filed under Poems
Christmas Music After They Take Jesus Out
You know Penis and Meatstick, Schlong, Dong, and ManPalace,
Manparts, “The Ramparts,” and Weiner and Phallus,
But do you recall
The most famous Mickey of all?
Mickey the big-dick Reindeer
Had a very shiny body part
And if you go deep enough on Google
You can probably find fan art. (Please don’t try this!)
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh, except the does.
They just avoided contact
To not be labelled ho-ho-hoes.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say…
“Mickey, the elves started an insurrection.
I have need of your balls and weighty erection.”
Then how the laughter halted
As they watched the rebels flee.
“We’re sorry for feeling threatened
By your girthy masculinity!”
Still Better Than The New Hobbit Movies
There once was a fellow named Baggins
Who tired of old Gandalf’s naggin’s.
He stole a gold ring
From a fire snake thing
And inspired the game “Dungeons and Dragons”.
Filed under Poems
The Non-Holiday Season
‘Twas the night before Monday
And all through the nation
There were people in need
Of another vacation.
They’d worked all their lives
Forty hours or more,
Fighting tooth and nail
For a new higher score.
The cost of the score
Was not steep if you count
Sanity and free time
As a meager amount,
And so they awoke
To commute and check out
And that, my dear kids,
Is what work’s all about.
Filed under Poems
A Haiku For All 92 Genders (According To Wikipedia)
Abinary
Abinary means
That you aren’t male or female…
Off to a good start?
Agender
Cancel me, but why
Doesn’t this invalidate
The whole “spectrum” thing?
Androgyne
Like “androgynous”
But for those who want to sound
Like a fashion brand
Androgynous
Gender-neutral look
And an old Greek baby name
Meaning “Poorly Dressed”
Aporagender
Wikipedia
Didn’t even dignify
This with its own page
Bakla
Philippino guys
Who dress up and act like girls,
Unlike baklava.
Bigender
Large person who starred
In a bad sci-fi movie…
Oops! I read that wrong
Binary
Male or female folks
Who will not get scholarships
Unless very poor
Bissu
Indonesian stuff
I just skimmed the article
‘Cause I have a life
Butch
These are lesbians
That they don’t make pornos with.
They like ugly shoes
Calabai/Calalai
More Indonesia
I lumped these two into one
‘Cause I do not care
Cis
Battle droid gender
Fought against the clone army
Nerds will understand
Cisgender
People who agree
That their genitalia
Show what sex they are
Cis Female
Yes, apparently
This is its own separate thing?
A favorite of mine
Cis Male
Gender study peeps,
Let I take this time to say
You need to relax
Cis Man
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Chuck Norris, Sean Connery,
And your girlfriend’s dad
Cis Woman
We’re only on “C”
And this post already seems
Like a huge mistake
Demi-Boy
Superhero film
Disney will release next year
Tell me I’m not wrong
Demiflux
Don’t take Demiflux
If you are allergic or
Can define “Bakla”
Demigender
When your gender vibes
Aren’t strong, but you’ll still sue folks
Who use wrong pronouns
Demi-Girl
I don’t want to know!
Will this suffering not end?
(Demi-boy sequel?)
Demi-Guy
When a demi-girl
Is cool, like a friend, you know?
Not like other gals.
Demi-man
I’m just thinking how
If you take the hyphens out
Do these genders change?
Dual Gender
When you wield a sex
In both hands, unlike the guys
With a shield in one
Demi-Woman
Walkin’ down the street.
The kind I don’t like to meet.
I don’t believe you.
Endosex
You have private parts
Other people cannot mock,
But only one set.
Female
Good, old fashioned girls!
No Demis required here
Except Demi Moore
Female to Male
Like Male to Female
But without the extra perk
Of winning at sports
Femme
Here’s the lesbians
Everybody knows and loves
With long hair/good shoes
FTM
So I guess this means
Contractions are genders now?
WTF
Gender Bender
Here I thought “GB”
In LGBTQ+
Stood for “Great Britain”…
Gender Diverse
When you’re a black chick
Still denied a scholarship.
Hail Mary, yo!
Gender Gifted
Here it is! They made
A participation prize
For being human
Genderfluid
That stuff in the bed
That gets on the sheets after
You have hot… gender.
Genderflux
Like a tongue twister
For pretentious cross-dressers.
But wait! It gets worse!
Genderfuck
I am not kidding.
This is actually a thing
On the internet
Genderless
For agender folks
Who’re offended by the phrase
“Straight A’s”. Am I right?
Gender Nonconforming
Remember when goths
Were the edgy kids in town?
Ah, the good old days!
Genderqueer
For when the word “fag”
Isn’t offensive enough
So you upped the stakes.
Gender Questioning
Proof that there’s such thing
As dumb questions after all.
Isn’t two enough?
Gender Variant
I just had a stroke
Reading Wikipedia.
Does that mean I’m gay?
Graygender
When you realize
Beige-gender’s too exciting
So you tone it down.
Intergender
Fascinating how
There’s a billion ways to say
“Not a girl or boy”
Intersex
All the Thailand memes…
All the girls with extra oomph…
Our next president…
Hijra
The sound that is made
When Godzilla has to sneeze
But covers his face
Kathoey
A carnival game
Where if you pronounce it right
You win a rainbow
Male
Patriarchal bums
Holding up society
But not hard enough
Male to Female
Just like other girls
But better at sports, plus no
“That time of the month”
Man
Man of Trans Experience
Is this akin to
“African American”
And yet more PC?
Maverique
That one X-Men kid
Who the other mutant kids
Beat up after class
MTF
Think of all the folks
Whose initials got usurped
Just like women’s sports
Multigender
The Swiss army knife
Of gender dysmorphia
So handy, I guess?
Muxe
The generic form
Of the brand-name Mucinex…
LOTS of side effects!
Neither
Hmph. No boy. No girl.
Me no likey gender words.
Or words at all. Ugh.
Neurogender
When your sex organ
Is your brain, not genitals.
Too bad it’s broken
Neutrois
Just when you thought France
Was already gay enough…
Voila! C’est neutrois!
Non-Binary
At least this gender
Makes the ballot in most states,
Like the green party
Non-Binary Transgender
When you’re so convinced
Your gender does not exist
You need surgery
Omnigender
The title granted
To those who have memorized
This entire list
Other
For when you read through
Ever-growing gender lists
But still can’t decide
Pangender
Some nicknames include:
“Pot head”, “Small fry”, “Pan Handler”
Good at cooking though
Polygender
The only gender
Who like white Americans…
They wanna cracker
Person of Transgendered Experience
These do not exist.
They are like a unicorn
(Although not as cute)
Third Gender
For the people who
Have third eyes, third boobs, and such.
I’d rate 3/5
Trans
Wikipedia
Has twenty subgroups of these
I’m too tired to care
Travesti
This blog’s fav so far!
Basically Brazilian gay
Please son’t think too hard
Trigender
When you finish math
That has triangles and crap.
Get it? Trig ender?
Two-Spirit
Folks who get turned-on
By sequels of horse movies
From 2002
Woman
Someone who avoids
The guy who wrote these haikus
Except for that one…
Woman of Trans Experience
I should not have done
This stupid haiku challenge
But it still gets worse…
X-Gender
The preferred gender
Of those who date Taylor Swift
Horizontal lines
Xenogender
The pain’s over now;
I can live my life again.
Also, this exists.
Filed under Poems
An Old Norse Melody
Odinny boy, the vikes, the vikes are calling
From sea to sea and to Valhalla’s shore.
They’re very drunk, and stock of mead is falling
And so they pray you’ll bless them now with more.
But come ye back when sunlight’s in the meadow
Or when your subjects lounge out on the fjord
And talk to me, future irrev’rant poet
In case you’re done fighting and very, very bjord.
Filed under Poems
Some Assembly Required
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Though it was obvious Humpty would die
Still the king said, “Give the horses a try!”
Filed under Poems
Opportunity Will Find You If You Stumble On Chances To Do Stuff, Maybe
I believe my destiny
Has been chosen just for me
By the position of the stars
And maybe too the moon and Mars
On the day that I was born,
But alas now I am torn
Because one newspaper said
“Watch out for someone who’s not dead”
While another warned me that
“You’ll meet someone that wears a hat.”
What am I supposed to do?
Watch for the hatted and the living too?
So many truths, I am forlorn!
Such woe is mine, a Capricorn.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 