Tag Archives: Parody

When You Ask The White Guy, “How Are You”

Some people just are lucky

By their nature it would seem,

Like take my Muslim buddy

Who I fondly call Kareem…

He fought against America

And lost both legs in the war

And now he wastes no money

Buying ladders anymore!

Or take my buddy La’Kwon

Who is bald and five-foot-three

And every February

His Valentine’s dinner is free!

Some people get to camp for free

300 days a year.

Others have no eyeballs

And they never shed a tear.

Some folks are hard of hearing

And don’t have to wear a mask

And all I can say is “I am fine,

“Whyever do you ask?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Biden Dirty

They see me Biden,

Debatin’

And rolling their eyes ’cause I’m so far past thirty!

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

I said they ain’t black

Like I’m not

Perhaps ’cause my mind is somewhat less than sturdy!

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

My mind is less than sturdy…

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy!

Sniffin’ the babies just for fun

While I say you don’t need no gun,

Tellin’ how our country’s run,

Then runnin’ my mouth when it’s said and done.

Tara Reade told some news site

What I did back then was not alright,

But poor kids are just as good as the white.

Good thing Bernie backed away from the fight.

Don’t worry if I’ve got some dementia

‘Cause I’ll designate yo job as essentia’.

Sure my kid’s salary’s preferentia’,

But CNN’s sure to bury the stench, duh.

I love having kids sitting on my lap,

I’ll do Zoom campaigns after my next nap,

You’ll vote for me despite this crap.

By the way, what the heck’s an app?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Penis Envy, by Dr. Seuss

How terribly toxic it seems to me

That it must be to be a “he,”

And yet, for reasons I can’t see,

A he is what I wish to be.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Brown-Eyed Girl [With Non-Violent Lyrics To Accommodate All Genders, Eye Colors, Geographic Locations, Ability Levels…]

Hey, where did we go
Days when the [weather happened]?
[Over] in the hollow
Playin’ a [mutually enjoyed] game.

Laughin’ and [a-movin’,] hey hey
[Via our unspecified motor abilities]
In the [typical morning environmental conditions] with
Our hearts a-[operating energetically’,] and you

My [human with eyes].
You’re [a strong, independent person with eyes].

And whatever happened
To Tuesday and so [relaxed]
Going down the [honored legacy repository location] with a
[Non gender-specific sibling audio device]?

[Present] in the [environment]! [self-expressin’]
Hidin’ behind a rainbow’s [vertical barrier]
Slippin’ and a-slidin’
All along the [local water feature] with you

My [individual with eyes].
You’re [a self-actualizing homo-sapien sapien with eyes].

Do you remember when
we used to [communicate]

Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da
(just like that)

Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da
La te da

So [challenging] to find my way

Now that I’m [pursuing self-defined success independently]
I [encountered] you just the other day
My, how you have [altered aspects of yourself without diminishing their quality]
Cast my memory back there, [authority figure]?

Sometimes I’m [very impressed] thinkin’ ’bout
[Consensual intimacy] in the green grass
Behind the [culture-neutral building] with you
My [specimin with eyes].
You’re [an entity possessing human shape platonically correlated with me, and you have eyes].

[Don’t be ashamed if you can’t, or choose not to ] remember when
we used to [extemporate]
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da ([existin’] in the [local foliage]!)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da (bit by, bit by, bit by, bit by, bit
by, bit)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da (sha la la la la, la la la la, la te
da, la te da, la te da, da da da)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da…

Leave a comment

Filed under Lyrics

An Honest Fairy Tale

A long, forgotten time ago

In long-forgotten lands

There lived a pair of lovely twins

Who worked as stablehands.

The first girl was named Allison,

The second, Mirabella.

Both had dreams of rescue

By a prince (or princely fella).

Both were bright and beautiful

And full of youthful vigor,

Their smiles were breezes in the heat

And fires within the frigor.

Allison worked hard all day

Attending to the mules,

Believing that her honest work

Would lead to princely jewels.

Mirabella worked instead

As little as she could,

Aiming to stay soft and clean

As any princess should.

Many peasants came to try

To earn a sister’s heart.

Some were strong or rich or brave

And others still made art.

But neither flowers and poetry

Nor deeds both great and small

Could attract the twins, who wanted

A prince, else none at all.

Allison grew old and strong

And wealthy all the while.

Mirabella just grew old,

But did it with a smile.

There are far fewer princes

Than lovely stablehands

In both the world in which we live

And long-forgotten lands.

Neither twin could find a prince

And neither was a wife

But both, at least, had managed

To live a happy life.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Box Office 2020

Hollywood makes movies,

Then they make sequels,

Then they remake them,

And then they make prequels.

That’s how it goes

According to me

So here are some prequels

That I’d like to see:

Schindler’s College-Ruled Notebook;

Leon: The Trainee;

The Lambs Being Noisy;

American History V;

Reservoir Puppies;

Work-Visa Kane:

Wall-D; The Fifth Sense;

Wayne’s Global-Domination Campaign;

The Accelerating and Cranky;

“No Thanks, I Just Ate” Games;

Dragon Ball Y;

“No Bail For Me” James;

2000: Just Earth;

And last but not least:

“Be-Careful-Who-You-Call-Ugly-In-Middle-School” and the Beast.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Walmart 8: 3-9

3: The disciples were doubtful

4: And they said “Lord, it cannot be done, for no man hath ever done it

5: But Jesus said “Do not be doubtful or have doubt or other synonyms for uncertainty.”

6: And he scanned the first item and placed it in the bagging area.

7: But there was no alarm or error message, and no staff member had to enter an arbitrary code to validate that the avocados were indeed on sale, and the whole purpose of the self checkout was not rendered moot.

8: The disciples were shocked and declared “Jesus Christ!”

9: And Jesus was all like “yeah bro. Nothing is impossible ’cause God.”

Leave a comment

Filed under To the Reader

Lent Carols

Silent bells, silent bells,

Silent all the way.

We’re not happy but at least

The priests don’t know we’re gay. Hey!

Silent bells, silent bells,

Silence for the win!

Here’s to seven weeks to stew

In our original sin!

Silent night, holy night.

Jesus ate not a bite.

Satan says “make that rock into bread.”

Jesus’s like “Naw, I’ll come back from the dead.”

Then he gave up Facebook!

(If you doubt it go read the good book).

On the first day of Lent

Jehovah gave to me…

Hot sand and misery!

On the second day of lent

Jehovah gave to me

No 🤬ing food

And some hot sand and misery!

On the third day of Lent

Jehovah gave to me…

(Use your imagination, we’ve got 38 more days of this 💩)!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Star Wars Episode IX

The stormtrooper lands

In Nairobi, Kenya

And fires his blaster

Into the falling H2O.

The Jedi asks the trooper

“What was all that?”

And the trooper says

“I miss the rains down in Africa.”

*Roll Credits*

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Also… Elvis and Watergate

Falling feather in the sky

Falls to where I sit

And talk to fellow bus-stop-sitters

Who think I’m full of shit.

I tell them how I went to school

And met my true love, Jenny.

Sure, my IQ was seventy-five

But I learned a pretty penny.

I learned that trouble walking

Can be cured by being chased

And I got to go to college

‘Cause my legs were no longer braced.

After university

I went to Vietnam

Where I learned about the shrimp business

And saved guys from a bomb.

I met the president again

And became a ping-pong star

All because, in Vietnam,

I got a butt-tox scar.

I met Jenny in Washington

And bought a shrimping boat

And thanks to handy hurricanes

My business stayed afloat.

My shrimping buddy Dan and I

Bought some apple stock

Which made me very rich, so I

Took a three-and-a-half year walk.

After that Jenny got aids

And made me raise her kid

And, having done everything else,

That’s exactly what I did.

I appreciate you listening

And so I’ll tell you thanks.

Also, I just saved you hours

Of Alabama-voice Tom Hanks.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems