Tag Archives: Parody

Christmas Music After They Take Jesus Out

You know Penis and Meatstick, Schlong, Dong, and ManPalace,

Manparts, “The Ramparts,” and Weiner and Phallus,

But do you recall

The most famous Mickey of all?

Mickey the big-dick Reindeer

Had a very shiny body part

And if you go deep enough on Google

You can probably find fan art. (Please don’t try this!)

All of the other reindeer

Used to laugh, except the does.

They just avoided contact

To not be labelled ho-ho-hoes.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve

Santa came to say…

“Mickey, the elves started an insurrection.

I have need of your balls and weighty erection.”

Then how the laughter halted

As they watched the rebels flee.

“We’re sorry for feeling threatened

By your girthy masculinity!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Still Better Than The New Hobbit Movies

There once was a fellow named Baggins

Who tired of old Gandalf’s naggin’s.

He stole a gold ring

From a fire snake thing

And inspired the game “Dungeons and Dragons”.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Non-Holiday Season

‘Twas the night before Monday

And all through the nation

There were people in need

Of another vacation.

They’d worked all their lives

Forty hours or more,

Fighting tooth and nail

For a new higher score.

The cost of the score

Was not steep if you count

Sanity and free time

As a meager amount,

And so they awoke

To commute and check out

And that, my dear kids,

Is what work’s all about.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

A Haiku For All 92 Genders (According To Wikipedia)

Abinary

Abinary means

That you aren’t male or female…

Off to a good start?

Agender

Cancel me, but why

Doesn’t this invalidate

The whole “spectrum” thing?

Androgyne

Like “androgynous”

But for those who want to sound

Like a fashion brand

Androgynous

Gender-neutral look

And an old Greek baby name

Meaning “Poorly Dressed”

Aporagender

Wikipedia

Didn’t even dignify

This with its own page

Bakla

Philippino guys

Who dress up and act like girls,

Unlike baklava.

Bigender

Large person who starred

In a bad sci-fi movie…

Oops! I read that wrong

Binary

Male or female folks

Who will not get scholarships

Unless very poor

Bissu

Indonesian stuff

I just skimmed the article

‘Cause I have a life

Butch

These are lesbians

That they don’t make pornos with.

They like ugly shoes

Calabai/Calalai

More Indonesia

I lumped these two into one

‘Cause I do not care

Cis

Battle droid gender

Fought against the clone army

Nerds will understand

Cisgender

People who agree

That their genitalia

Show what sex they are

Cis Female

Yes, apparently

This is its own separate thing?

A favorite of mine

Cis Male

Gender study peeps,

Let I take this time to say

You need to relax

Cis Man

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Chuck Norris, Sean Connery,

And your girlfriend’s dad

Cis Woman

We’re only on “C”

And this post already seems

Like a huge mistake

Demi-Boy

Superhero film

Disney will release next year

Tell me I’m not wrong

Demiflux

Don’t take Demiflux

If you are allergic or

Can define “Bakla”

Demigender

When your gender vibes

Aren’t strong, but you’ll still sue folks

Who use wrong pronouns

Demi-Girl

I don’t want to know!

Will this suffering not end?

(Demi-boy sequel?)

Demi-Guy

When a demi-girl

Is cool, like a friend, you know?

Not like other gals.

Demi-man

I’m just thinking how

If you take the hyphens out

Do these genders change?

Dual Gender

When you wield a sex

In both hands, unlike the guys

With a shield in one

Demi-Woman

Walkin’ down the street.

The kind I don’t like to meet.

I don’t believe you.

Endosex

You have private parts

Other people cannot mock,

But only one set.

Female

Good, old fashioned girls!

No Demis required here

Except Demi Moore

Female to Male

Like Male to Female

But without the extra perk

Of winning at sports

Femme

Here’s the lesbians

Everybody knows and loves

With long hair/good shoes

FTM

So I guess this means

Contractions are genders now?

WTF

Gender Bender

Here I thought “GB”

In LGBTQ+

Stood for “Great Britain”…

Gender Diverse

When you’re a black chick

Still denied a scholarship.

Hail Mary, yo!

Gender Gifted

Here it is! They made

A participation prize

For being human

Genderfluid

That stuff in the bed

That gets on the sheets after

You have hot… gender.

Genderflux

Like a tongue twister

For pretentious cross-dressers.

But wait! It gets worse!

Genderfuck

I am not kidding.

This is actually a thing

On the internet

Genderless

For agender folks

Who’re offended by the phrase

“Straight A’s”. Am I right?

Gender Nonconforming

Remember when goths

Were the edgy kids in town?

Ah, the good old days!

Genderqueer

For when the word “fag”

Isn’t offensive enough

So you upped the stakes.

Gender Questioning

Proof that there’s such thing

As dumb questions after all.

Isn’t two enough?

Gender Variant

I just had a stroke

Reading Wikipedia.

Does that mean I’m gay?

Graygender

When you realize

Beige-gender’s too exciting

So you tone it down.

Intergender

Fascinating how

There’s a billion ways to say

“Not a girl or boy”

Intersex

All the Thailand memes…

All the girls with extra oomph…

Our next president…

Hijra

The sound that is made

When Godzilla has to sneeze

But covers his face

Kathoey

A carnival game

Where if you pronounce it right

You win a rainbow

Male

Patriarchal bums

Holding up society

But not hard enough

Male to Female

Just like other girls

But better at sports, plus no

“That time of the month”

Man

Man of Trans Experience

Is this akin to

“African American”

And yet more PC?

Maverique

That one X-Men kid

Who the other mutant kids

Beat up after class

MTF

Think of all the folks

Whose initials got usurped

Just like women’s sports

Multigender

The Swiss army knife

Of gender dysmorphia

So handy, I guess?

Muxe

The generic form

Of the brand-name Mucinex…

LOTS of side effects!

Neither

Hmph. No boy. No girl.

Me no likey gender words.

Or words at all. Ugh.

Neurogender

When your sex organ

Is your brain, not genitals.

Too bad it’s broken

Neutrois

Just when you thought France

Was already gay enough…

Voila! C’est neutrois!

Non-Binary

At least this gender

Makes the ballot in most states,

Like the green party

Non-Binary Transgender

When you’re so convinced

Your gender does not exist

You need surgery

Omnigender

The title granted

To those who have memorized

This entire list

Other

For when you read through

Ever-growing gender lists

But still can’t decide

Pangender

Some nicknames include:

“Pot head”, “Small fry”, “Pan Handler”

Good at cooking though

Polygender

The only gender

Who like white Americans…

They wanna cracker

Person of Transgendered Experience

These do not exist.

They are like a unicorn

(Although not as cute)

Third Gender

For the people who

Have third eyes, third boobs, and such.

I’d rate 3/5

Trans

Wikipedia

Has twenty subgroups of these

I’m too tired to care

Travesti

This blog’s fav so far!

Basically Brazilian gay

Please son’t think too hard

Trigender

When you finish math

That has triangles and crap.

Get it? Trig ender?

Two-Spirit

Folks who get turned-on

By sequels of horse movies

From 2002

Woman

Someone who avoids

The guy who wrote these haikus

Except for that one…

Woman of Trans Experience

I should not have done

This stupid haiku challenge

But it still gets worse…

X-Gender

The preferred gender

Of those who date Taylor Swift

Horizontal lines

Xenogender

The pain’s over now;

I can live my life again.

Also, this exists.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

An Old Norse Melody

Odinny boy, the vikes, the vikes are calling

From sea to sea and to Valhalla’s shore.

They’re very drunk, and stock of mead is falling

And so they pray you’ll bless them now with more.

But come ye back when sunlight’s in the meadow

Or when your subjects lounge out on the fjord

And talk to me, future irrev’rant poet

In case you’re done fighting and very, very bjord.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Some Assembly Required

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Though it was obvious Humpty would die

Still the king said, “Give the horses a try!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Opportunity Will Find You If You Stumble On Chances To Do Stuff, Maybe

I believe my destiny

Has been chosen just for me

By the position of the stars

And maybe too the moon and Mars

On the day that I was born,

But alas now I am torn

Because one newspaper said

“Watch out for someone who’s not dead”

While another warned me that

“You’ll meet someone that wears a hat.”

What am I supposed to do?

Watch for the hatted and the living too?

So many truths, I am forlorn!

Such woe is mine, a Capricorn.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Also Starring: Ikea Furniture, Bad Decisions, Musclebound Shirtless Guys Who Talk About Feelings… Waaaaiiiiiit…

If they rebooted “Fight Club“

With an all-female cast

It would feature Taylor Durden

Remembering her past

When she and thousands of women

From different means and ends

Got together in a basement

And pretended to be friends

Until at last they’d had enough

And used some dynamite

To blow up buildings, and then were like

“Becky’s so cringe, right?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Hogwarts, 2021

If you think a Banshee’s scream is bad

You have never heard

The scream of the mythical Banthey

When one’s been misgendered.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

If Academic Papers Were Haikus: An Unnecessarily Wordy Inquiry Into The Five Syllable, Seven Syllable, Five Syllable Metric Pattern Of Japanese Poetry Because My Professor Assigned A 500-Word Paper (Please Don’t Check My Margins Or Change The Font Color)

A haiku has five

Syllables, and then seven

On the second line

According to a

Study by Milner and Stein

In 2005.

They discovered that

The five-seven-five pattern

Was correlated

With most old haiku.

That means haiku have three lines.

Polysyllabic.

This correlation

Was confirmed by researchers

Who can count numbers.

To learn more, check out

My works cited I stole from

Wikipedia.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems