Tag Archives: Parody

War Isn’t So Bad…

We’ve walked among some Autumn glades

Just us and the wind from the helicopter blades.

Falling gently to the ground

Are a leaf and some limbs and an M16 round.

A quaint little creek

Glitters bright mountain green

And, despite all our blood,

Is still cool fresh and clean.

We came here to camp,

Found these meadows to walk,

Because some old men

Wouldn’t sit down and talk,

But we can take solace

And our hearts can still sing

All thanks to the peace

That our murder will bring.

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Texas Nursery Rhymes

The itsy-bitsy spider

Climbed up the water spout.

Down came the fist!

It’s guts went spilling out.

Out came the kleenex

To wipe the guts away

And the not-so-puny human

Just went on with his day.

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Guest Poem By JJ Abrams (Almost)

What do you call a shark with no eyes

Or an angel pouring red wine?

The answer’s big-budget

But in the end I just fudge it

‘Cause I couldn’t think up a punchline.

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You Pull Me Down (The Alcohol Song)

When my body is strong

And my conscience is clean,

When troubles flee

And there’s no pain to be seen

Then I sip you

And fade into the white noise

Until the darkness comes

And has its way with me.

You pull me down

So I can walk on water.

You pull me down

To kiss a killer bee.

I am loud

And damp and have a bee sting.

You pull me down

And show the real me.

Then I awake

And find my house is tattered,

My lampshade’s gone

And so’s my front door key

And on my arm

My blood says “Margueritte wuz here.”

I don’t know her

But I guess she knew me.

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Dating A CEO

I did some ideation

On the topic “you and me”

And I want to move the needle

To upgrade our synergy.

I figured I would reach out

And shift your paradigm

To show how being in my wheelhouse

Is an impactful use of time.

So let’s break through the clutter

Via disruptive innovation

And prepare mind share initiatives

Through casual conversation

And I hope that going forward

Thanks to holistic execution

This relationship of ours

Will have a win-win resolution!

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Walking On Eggshells

Humpty Dumpty leapt from a wall

HD was determined to just end it all.

Later on on a talk show

Some Hollywood actor

Said being named “Humpty” may have just been a factor.

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Social Norms: A Disney Musical (Yes, This Is Irony)

Keep it in, keep it in.

Just keep it bottled up

And let no petty feelings

Fall in your proverbial cup.

Don’t be tempted by expression

And ignore that will to live

‘Cause money’s what you want

And money’s all we have to give.

So keep it in, keep it in.

Keep it tucked away inside.

Joyful outbursts and sad moments

Neither one should you abide.

All those swirly bits of feeling

That bounce around your head

Are horrors from the outside world.

Just watch TV instead!

Keep it in, keep it in

Because peace takes too much work

And if you are emotional

People might think you’re a jerk,

So take a swig, a puff, a pill,

A needle in your vein

So you can keep it in some more

And stop feeling the pain.

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