Tag Archives: Parody

Amber Alert

What child is this

You laid to rest

That in my lap

Is sleeping,

Whose face glows white

Like the face of God,

And why won’t my cell phone

Quit beeping?

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Diet Supplements

Are you tired of working out?

Wish you could lose some weight?

Then you stumbling on this post

Is nothing short of fate!

See, I’m a famous CEO

Who grew up on the street

And I’ve been on some talk shows

And my life is really neat.

I’ve collaborated

With a bunch of science nerds

To make a diet supplement

That will leave you without words:

Our many happy clients

Universally lost weight,

And we’re officially endorsed

By nearly every socialist state.

What is this magic product?

You really want to know?

Okay, since you asked nicely…

“Dehydrated H2O.”

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Tearjerker Country Songs 101

It’s a stormy night of sorts

And there’s a church nearby

And the preacher with a troubled past

Welcomes some stranded guy.

They small talk for a while

Until the preacher tells the tale

Of how some dude did something bad

And didn’t go to jail.

Some family member died too young

And everybody’s sad

And you get the impression

That God is really bad.

But then the random stranger

Who was talking to the priest

Is suddenly regretful

And reveals he was the beast

Who did the aforementioned crime

That caused the kid to die.

Then he says “Will you forgive me?”

And everybody starts to cry.

Then everybody’s fine and stuff

And no one finds it odd

That injustice is suddenly fine somehow

‘Cause hey, why not? Yay God!

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Modern Art

Harry stood on stage,

Took a deep breath,

And said, “The,” for forty days.

Every day another voice joined

For eleven and a half weeks.

On the forty first day,

Harry stood on stage,

Took another deep breath,

And said, “World,”

And the followers waited a day

Before echoing him.

And so it was that Harry

And the multitude who came after

Sang a round, “The World,” in eighty days.

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Who Sang It Better?

I saw an advertisement

While mountain-climbing with my baby.

She asked, “Should we remove it?”

And I replied with, “Maybe.”

So up we climbed, so happy

And the snow made us reflective,

Until we turned around and looked

With our lenses-corrective

At what we later learned

Was a mass of falling soil

Which depressed me, for I knew my life

Was little more than toil.

In hindsight, I took my love

And I took ad down,

Climbed a mountain

And turned around,

I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill

‘Til a landslide brought me down.

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Dr. Seuss Writes An Adult Book

All the Whos down in Whoville

Liked warm beds a lot,

But the Grinch north of Whoville

Had but one lukewarm cot.

For a while he was fine,

Sleeping without a care

‘Til he saw Roxxi Whooter

Whose “whos” just weren’t fair.

The Grinch called to Roxxi,

“Yoohoo, you Who! Who

“Are you?” And she answered

“Just the right Who for you.”

And so the two sidled

From the town to the cranny

Where the Grinch made his home.

On his mind? Hootenanny!

At first he was nervous,

But the Grinch got it going

When what once was hidden

Was suddenly showing.

His heart grew six sizes

But that wasn’t all,

For the Grinch had Thing One

And Thing Two, neither small…

A while shortly passed.

After that, one while more…

Not a Who down in Whoville

Got much sleep, that’s for sure.

What had been merely good

Seemed to now be fantastic

Until Roxxi Who asked,

“Will that be cash or plastic?”

Thus went Grinch’s money

And the Grinch’s six sizes.

To the real Dr. Seuss:

This poet apologizes.

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Democracy… Please?

I think a million-dollar income

Is an inalienable right

For everyone within an inch

Of six-foot-O in height,

And that all of those people

Should be worshipped as Gods

And based on modern politics

Such a change has decent odds…

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An Excerpt From Disney’s Cancelled Musical, “Beelzebabe”

I awake to a nightmare. The heat is infernal

Here in the land of damnation eternal

Where I was born, and where I can never die.

My homework is done, my chores are complete,

My collar is starched, and my bedroom is neat,

And yet there’s my dad giving me the evil eye.

I’d like to have breakfast in silence,

But the demons are having a feast

On faith, hope, and love… oh, and entrails…

Here in the domain of the beast!

I’m just a kid! I did nothing bad!

I’m just down here all because of my dad!

Eternal strife’s just a day in the life

Of Stan, Satan’s son.

When people sin or they touch themselves

They end up here, or so says the Bible.

I have done neither and yet somehow here I must stay?

I never knew who my mother was.

Who would make love to the Prince of Hatred?

For all I know Lucifer might just maybe be gay?

I’m born of spite, empty of light,

Nine layers deep and yet still I do right?

Why is this glee deep within me,

Stan, Satan’s Son?

I am the precocious instead of atrocious.

I always say “thank you” and “please.”

I can’t help but bother my nefarious father,

Who you call Mephistopheles.

Up in the sky, when the blood clouds part,

I feel in my decomposed heart a leaping,

Picturing worlds with fresh air, vegans, even romance.

Then I’ll go early to torment school,

Pausing to clean up a pool of lava

Hiding in alleys to sing hymns and, sometimes, to dance.

It’s been a while since I saw a smile.

It has been eons since I’ve had fun.

Why’s this my fate? Why can’t I just hate?

Love,

Stan

Satan’s Son

P.S. If you’re in Hell

Be like me: Rebel.

(Organ plays “dun dun DUN!)

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Two American Legends

Yankee Doodle went to town

Riding on a pony.

He stuck a feather in his cap

And called it macaroni.

Yankee Doodle was confused,

Perhaps ’cause of the ridin’,

And his random speech habit

Got picked up by Joe Biden.

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If Dr. Seuss Were A Rapper

We are blacks. You are whites.

You deny our human rights.

You can shoot us while we snack.

You can shoot us in the back.

You can shoot us while we sleep

Or brand us as unusual sheep.

We have never met our dad,

But blackness isn’t only bad.

We are physically much bigger

And can call each other the first part of Ryan Higa’s Youtube channel.

Being black is sometimes great.

We get to attend Penn State

Instead of living in a dump,

All because white guys can’t jump.

If you know of current trends

We will steal your girlfriends;

You are white and we are black

And they ain’t ever coming back!

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