Tag Archives: Humor

A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated

The average guy is a virgin.

The average girl is a hoe.

You can get a college degree

To combat toxic masculinity…

How’d we get here? I don’t know.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CHARGE TO MAKE ME FEEL HEALTHY WHILE I DO NOTHING!

There was a time without taxes,

A time without corporate spying,

And if you believe the Bible there was

A time without even dying.

But one timeless thing that has always been

Through every era and age

Is that no gym will ever show

Non-promotional prices on their front page.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tennis: 15, Baseball: Love (Football 6 +1 or +2)

The people writing the baseball rulebook

Really wrote down things like:

“When you throw a ball and it isn’t a ball

But it doesn’t get hit it’s a strike.”

But the people who wrote the tennis book

Just smiled, or so says the lore,

When they revealed their brand new way

To calculate the score.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Still No Cure For Cancer Though…

Every minute of every day

72 hours of film is uploaded and sent

Onto Youtube, and yet still people say

“Why’s there no good new content?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Why IT Folks Have The Best Job Security

You hear me say, you hear me holler:

“Another day, another dollar.”

My boss says hey, my boss says “So,

“We bought a bot. You got to go.”

So I reply, so I concur:

“I don’t know why, but I guess sure.”

Then I left with a smile, since

My boss bought the bot from a Nigerian prince.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When The Man Upstairs Is Protecting You Against The Dangers Of Premarital Sex

I like to imagine that somewhere in Heaven

God is fighting a war

To defend me from many females who’d do any

Thing to show me how they adore

All that I am. Yes, God is that great

That he beats women off with a stick

So I can be alone, never answer my phone…

Yes, faith in the Lord does the trick.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Thanks College!

Upon one hazy evening

Beneath the colored leaves

A poet kneels softly

And in the silence grieves.

Upon seeing this visage

A bright young student stands,

Walks towards the poet’s place

And with a screech demands

“Did you really write a poem

“That describes the leaves as ‘colored?’

“I find that language offensive

“And conclude you are a dullard!”

The poet still kneels softly

Beneath the not-green leaves,

And now you understand human stupidity

Which is why the poet grieves.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Quickest Of Ego Boosts

If you’re feeling blue

Because Summer turned to Fall

Just change your name to Brandon

And learn to love football.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

It’s Almost Like People Are Frustrated And Indifferent For Some Reason…

Anyone remember

When a conversation meant

You tell your partner what you like

And everywhere you went,

Your hopes and dreams and fantasies

And they reply with “K”?

You don’t, which makes me wonder

How we got to this today.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

One More Try (Guess Who Went To A Bluegrass Show Tonight?)

I was raised out in the country

A couple miles past “out in the sticks”

And I’ve got that country talent

For meetin’ just the most unfaithful chicks;

The Jezebels and the Delilahs,

The ones who’ll love you ‘til the dawn

But when I’m done cookin’ ‘em breakfast

It’s an empty bed, and oh! My wallet’s gone!

Woe is me! Woe is I! Woah, I think I caught her eye…

What’s the harm in making one more try?

Well I’ve tried bein’ a nice guy,

Bein’ bad, and bein’ cool,

But the role I’m best at playin’

Has gotta be the damned romantic fool.

Well I keep a few reminders

Of them in my rogue’s gallery.

If I’d a dollar for each trinket

I could pay a politician’s salary.

Woe is me! Woe is I! Woke up, so I didn’t die.

What’s the harm in making one more try?

Well they’ve got these handy programs

Where women on the worldwide web‘ll

Write about how they love laughter,

Tasty food, travel, hiking, and a rebel.

Seems a shame they’d waste their effort

Fielding mail from some desperate guy

When here I am, arms and heart open

And when it ends she’ll never cry.

Woe is me! Woe is I! Woman please just hit “reply.”

What’s the harm in making one more try?

Sure, when all is done and finished

Her ego’s big and mine’s diminished,

But I keep making one more try…

Leave a comment

Filed under Lyrics, Poems