Tag Archives: Humor

2020 Voters (And Europe)

I went to college and got a degree

And hoped it would get me a job.

I learned how to drink, put off work and have threesomes,

And be both a loser and snob.

I can write ten page papers with ten words of content

And get booze with no valid ID.

Now I’m an unemployed expert in horticultural psychology

And I think you deserve this for free.

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NOOOO! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!

Roses are mauve

And kale causes addiction.

Two women sat quietly.

This poem is fiction.

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From My Rejected Spongebob Script

A daddy seashell said to his son

“If you want to have some fun

“Hold a human ear to your shell

“And you can hear the sound of blood. ‘Tis swell!”

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21st Century Facts

95 Americans contracted the plague

From 2000 to 2017

12 of whom have died from it

(At least that we have seen).

It’s amazing that all these years later

The plague is here to stay,

And that it’s death toll is greater

Than all-time ticket sales of the WNBA.

Sources:

https://www.cdc.gov/plague/maps/index.html

(Unfortunately there is no significant data indicating the purchase of one or more tickets to a WNBA event)

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Not Quite A Heartache

I heard him tell her “You’re breathtaking,”

And I thought “That’s nice, isn’t it.”

Then I realized it was a guy with a lisp

Who just punched his wife on the tit.

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Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

Today I saw one per cent milk

And so I gave my mom a holler.

Turns it it’s just crappy milk,

Not 100 milks for a dollar.

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On A Scale Of One-To-Steak…

When I see people eating kale

I find it kind of odd

‘Cause kale is to vegetables

As celery is to God.

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