Tag Archives: Humor

I’m Getting Stepsistery In My Old Age

Cinderella is the tale

Of a peasant girl named Ella

Who, by being the only nice girl in the world,

Snares the heart of her fella.

Some say we’d all be Cinderella

If the world were entirely jerks

Yet I haven’t met many princesses

So I don’t think that’s how the world works.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Never Discuss A Desire To Expand One’s Vocabulary With A Maternal Figure When Poor…

Fate, ye tempting mountebank,

Whether spurious or not,

Can prove to be, to our free will,

A specious asymptote.

Atropos, supercilious,

Cuts our time; We must defer.

My mom paid me a dollar

To write this poem, so blame her.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Yes, The Rhyme Is Valid… No, 9:00 and 9 Aren’t The Same

Today I slept in until 9:00

And felt amazingly fine.

Tomorrow, alas,

All good things must pass

For I must wake at 8:59

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Trials of an Amateur Magician

Massachusetts, 1692:

They say a woman joked

Telling her husband, “I got your nose!”

Within an hour the fire was stoked…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Fairy Yales

Once upon a time

There was a tiny little rock

Who was the world’s preeminent scholar

On the early works of Bach.

The little rock was erudite

Yet its career went South

On account of probably white people

And, also, its lack of mouth.

——————————————————–

Once upon a time

A woman majored in STEM

And made millions teaching women

The ways that men were bad to them.

She could have been an engineer

And done science and stuff

But instead she told the patriarchs

She wasn’t paid enough.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

And You Thought No One Would Ever Love You!

I close my eyes, remembering

The day we almost met.

You were taking Cynthia

(Your puppy) to the vet.

You were glowing beautifully,

A tear drop in your eye,

And I was in my plain white van,

My third time driving by.

I almost parked, almost went in,

Almost told you my name

But I kept on making four right turns

And keeping things the same.

Sometimes I close my eyes and think

Of how we might have been

But it’s best for both of us if I,

For now, remain unseen.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

New Study Shows Women Are “Marrying Down…”

My car may have it’s share of dings,

I may not buy you fancy things,

I might forget your name a lot,

I might comment “Your mom is hot,”

I might not read your favorite book,

I’ll seldom clean and never cook,

But if you become my wife

You can wear sweat pants for the rest of your life!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems