Tag Archives: Humor

The Power Of Syllabic Symmetry And Meter In Modern Poetry

Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters

I get a temptation that of me can get the better:

You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…

Heeeeeey Macarena!

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To Serve and Protect…

Women live longer

Than men, this is true,

But how many women

Say “I’d die for you”?

Men on the other hand

Say it a lot,

So men must die younger

‘Cause women are hot.

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Bonus: SNL Promo

Do you love comedy, but hate laughing?

Do you like shows where all the talented cast members left but you keep watching anyway?

Did you take a Buzzfeed personality test that called you “The one who sucks all the joy out of your friend group” and posted it proudly on social media with the caption “ZOMG, this is like soooooo me!”?

No?

Yeah, that’s what we thought.

Don’t watch SNL.

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The New Normal

Conforming is courage.

Sameness is unique.

Silence is violence

So we all must speak,

But if you speak other

Than what we agree

The only conclusion

Is patriarchy!

Everyone’s special

Except for the whites

And all men, plus women

Who want to have rights.

Such people are dangers

To our peaceful views

Unless they are silenced

By endless bad news.

“The truth” is old-fashioned.

“Your truth” will prevail.

If there are no winners

Then no one can fail!

So dye your hair purple

And get your tattoos

And be one of us rebels

Who share the same views.

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The Worst Speech In The History Of Speeches, Maybe Ever

Roses are red.

Biden is tired.

The guy who holds his “applause” sign

Apparently got fired.

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Live and Learn

When I was five years old I thought

That I was pretty strong

Until I tried to lift my dad

And found out I was wrong.

When I was fifteen I figured

That I was pretty suave

Until I learned that suave’s a word

That doesn’t rhyme with “shave.”

When I was twenty five I thought

That I was pretty smart

Until I turned my car key

And the engine didn’t start.

And I suspect at thirty five

And forty five and older

The things I saw in my mind’s eye

I’ll see as a beholder.

I just hope at ninety

Or whenever death will dial

I’ll remember all the times I erred

Then look ahead and smile.

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After Colonoscopy Comes Horoscopy

The nurse said “I’m Aquarius!”

The lab tech said “I’m Virgo!”

I said “I’m a Cancer!”

The doctor said “I know.”

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Oooh Yeah… Daddy Sauron Is Goblin Me Up…

I some some little known facts

About some popular things,

Like how in the very first draft

Of Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings”

Mount Doom was not a volcano

But instead a magnificent gorge

In which Sauron demanded

His orcs run a magical forge.

Luckily, one clever editor

Got to give his final say:

“I think the ‘quest to Orc-Chasm‘

“Could be said in a most awkward way.”

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This Is (Insert B-List Celebrity Here) Reminding You That Good People Don’t Bomb Each Other

I’m sitting here in the airport

Listening to celebrities giving PSA’s

And I’m wondering which is more painful:

Selling out that much

Or that my taxes paid for them.

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Today’s White House News

Today a man who made himself

And all his staff exempt

From being vaccinated

Most audaciously has dreamt

That those who didn’t get a shot

That doesn’t stop the spread

Are somehow the ones responsible

That twelve more folks are dead.

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