Tag Archives: Humor

Home Alone

I stare blankly at the wall,

Fill my mind with off-white paint,

Then picture staring at your face

And feel thankful that I ain’t.

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Harrr Harrr Harrr…

I found myself marooned

Off the coast of Kansas (somehow)

And saw another pirate was near.

He was selling corn

So I asked about the price.

He said “You’ll only pay a buccaneer.”

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Schroedinger Goes Golfing

He went out with a ball and club

To tee off on the green

And defined the ball’s trajectory

To a destination unseen.

To warn the other players

Who are simultaneously alive and dead

He shouted the number 24

To avoid whacking a head.

Why he did this most don’t know

But I can tell you why:

The golfer simply shouted 4!

You’re welcome nerds. Now bye!

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Accidental Victories

Alex Trebek said “It’s used to indicate

“A person or object in the speaker’s sight.”

Bewildered, I asked “What is that?”

And it turns out I was right.

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Especially If Her Name Is Daisy

My favorite flowers are daisies.

My favorite black president is Obama.

My favorite meal and my favorite animal

Both are the same: They’re yo’ mama.

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A Pun Not Worth It’s Setup

I jumped in a pool

And grabbed a flotation device,

But that floating noodle

Turned out to be lead.

I don’t know

How it managed to fool me

But, thanks to that impasta

Now I am dead.

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Also, Just Kinda Gross

They asked me to hold up

Fermented canola, you see.

I refused the order…

Sounds like supporting rapeseed culture to me.

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