Tag Archives: Humor

No Joke!

Moreso than drugs or heart disease,

Moreso than any tumor,

Most tragedies in life are caused

By lacking a sense of humor.

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Introvert Riots

Today I protested protests

By going to the store,

Putting items in my cart

Which I did then pay for.

I then departed quietly

And went back to my house

Where I tweeted “Peace and love”

Before I beat my spouse.

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My Date Went Okay

I said, “Girl, you are fine.”

She said, “Boy, you’re adequate.”

After that things went alright

And basically, well, that was it.

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Well, That Escalated Quickly…

If someone stomps a snail to death,

Then snails burn down a city,

Why is that conducive to

Making people think snails aren’t shitty?

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When Cops Steal Your Pets (At Least You Still Have Your Family)

I got licked by a dog,

Then I got licked by a cat,

Then I got licked by my uncle

But the Feds put an end to that.

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Death of an Influencer

Margaret died and stood by God

And looked on all there was:

An ageless, endless universe

With countless lives abuzz,

Singing songs that never stop

In perfect harmony

And Margaret said, “They must be sad

“To be there without me!”

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Wanna Hang Out?

I said “If”

She said, “Did I tell you about…”

I said “You”

She said “The time I had the doubt…”

I said “Don’t”

“About whether or not…”

I said “Shut”

“This eyeliner makes me hot…”

I said “Up”

“‘Cause I, like, wasn’t totally sure…”

I said “I”

“If this was chic or, like, couture…”

I said “Will”

“So I called my BFF…”

I said “Do”

“And was like, ‘Sup, my broseph…”

I said “What”

“And he was like, ‘Oh girl…”

I said “Epstein”

“That shade of ivory makes me hurl…”

I said “Didn’t.”

She would stop,

Or so I thought;

She kept talking;

I did not.

I hung around;

She tied the knot.

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