Tag Archives: Humor

Be Like The Index Toe

If you don’t eat roast beef

You’ll do all right.

If you have none

There’s no need to fight.

If you go to market

You’re fine by me

But it’s best to stay home

And go “wee wee wee wee.”

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How To Do A Day’s Work In 60 Seconds Or Less

If anyone ever says

“Speed matters more than quality”

Show ’em this poem

‘Cause that’ll show ’em!

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‘Twas the Best Of Times…

I studied some Spanish

And read a good book,

I exercised daily

And learned how to cook,

I got six pack abs

And I learned how to dance.

But I just can’t recall

What it’s like to wear pants…

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The Chosen Pun

We’re locked in our houses

Away from the world,

Sanitizing ourselves

As our lives come unfurled.

As we wipe down possessions

The thing I don’t get

Is why “Spring Cleaning” jokes

Aren’t popular yet.

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If You Don’t Think This Poem Is Ironic, You’re Part Of The Problem

There’s no place for intolerance

Among people I know.

If you’re someone intolerant

Then you had better go.

Intolerance is evil

And if you disagree

Then you should be ashamed

And also learn to think like me!

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If You Want A Cure By February…

We’ve spent weeks in quarantine

And doubt is setting in.

Our leaders have ignored

The simplest way to win

This war against a virus.

We ask: Why haven’t they

Called Chuck Norris on the phone

To make it go away?

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The Buck Stops Here

I’ve been working the suicide hotline

For the better part of a year

But when someone says

“I want to jump in front of a car”

I can’t help but say, “Oh deer!”

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