Tag Archives: Science

Isn’t It Amazing How Every Perspective Has Evidence For And Against It?

No liars are more common than those

Who support their thoughts with “a study shows.”

You’ll likely find, with some frustration,

These studies lack any citation.

For every “yes” a study may show

A different study somehow finds “no.”

Those who cry about the news

Do their fair share of pick-and-choose.

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Somehow Rising Oceans Didn’t Show Up Either… Huh

29.34 percent of deaths

Were caused by heart disease.

23.04 were infections and

Parasitic causes (like fleas).

Cancer’s 12.49, stroke’s 9.66.

The next 20or so’s respiratory.

Then we get into small CoD’s

And a more interesting story:

War caused just .3 percent

Of death in recent times,

About the same as syphilis

And less than a third that of violent crimes.

More people died of tetanus

Than a decade of endless war.

You’ll more likely die of suicide

Than fighting on a distant shore.

And too low to show up,

Beneath .06 percent

I’m wondering where all the deaths

From firearm ownership went.

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Chemistry

Blood is thicker than water.

Water is thicker than air.

Air isn’t thicker than anything

Which doesn’t seem very fair.

So chemists invented some elements

That made air feel less thin,

Thus air is thicker than helium.

So did modern science begin.

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On Dreams And Insights

As a kid

I never dreamed

I’d win a Nobel Prize.

Never did I

Imagine it.

Never did I surmise

That I would be

A hero for

Bringing new ideas to light.

I didn’t think

I’d make it

And so far I’ve been right.

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Correlation

I think that caffeine

Is good for your spleen,

And I have evidence to back it up:

How often have you seen

Someone hurt a healthy spleen

While savoring something in a Starbucks cup?

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The Slump

A slump is a chump

Whose throat has a lump,

As does its cerebral cortex.

It will make you it’s chow.

I’m stuck in one now.

(Either that or a temporal vortex).

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Welcome to the Tundra

(A Parody of “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses)

Welcome to the Tundra.

We’ve got fun and games.

We’ve all got PhD’s, Honey

And we’re all named Frank or James.

One hour on Skype’s all the social

Intercourse we need.

If you’ve got a scientific grant,

We’ve got your deep freeze.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

Watch it bring you to your knees.

I want to watch you renew our funding please.

Welcome to the tundra.

We take it day by day.

If you want it, you’ll wear lots of fur,

And get industry-competitive pay.

And if you’re a very sexy girl

Let likes to talk and chat

You better get your cell phone out

‘Cause us guys don’t dig all that.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Feel my, my, my polar bear.

Ooh, you’d better grow your hair.

Welcome to the tundra

Where we’ve got two-hour days.

You learn to live like an animal

In our permafrost-sampling ways.

If your hungry, here’s an MRE.

You’ll get used to them eventually.

You can have anything you want

Unless it’s fresh, flavorful, or hot.

And if you’re high, you’re actually

At the same elevation as everyone else.

You know where you are;

You’re in the tundra baby.

Your skin’ll get dry in the tundra.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Studying stratification.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Writing your dissertation.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Extrapolating from incomplete information.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

It’ll bring you to your

Required credits of applied study. Ha!

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