They’re remaking Monopoly
For 2026.
You start with $100k in debt
And a subscription to Netflix.
The game doesn’t last very long
‘Cause you can’t afford the rent
And instead of shoes and thimbles
You play as a bench, old car, or tent.
When you pass go you’re given
$1,000 bucks for free
But by the time you spend it
It’s worth $903.
Nobody enjoys it
But you’re mandated to play.
I’ve got a set all set up now
So prepare to be not ok!
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As they flip the sign
“Ninety days since last event”
To zero, I grin…
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Tentacles are snazzy
And tentacles are fun
But if someone on the internet agrees
I’m gonna get my gun
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There once was a Super Bowl team
Who were stronger than they might seem.
They weren’t feeling like kneeling
Or seal-the-dealing
And now San Fran is living the dream.
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If you wake up unconscious
And find yourself asleep
Just close your eyes and wake again
And sink into the deep
Until the morning moon above
Makes nightingales howl
To lull you back to wakefulness
Aside the noontime owl.
Then your dreams and memories
Merge into one sensation
And your subconscious thoughts
Will guide you to your destination.
But if you wake up conscious
Go give your parents hugs
And thank them for advising you
To just say “no” to drugs.
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If you don’t exist
Post a comment to confuse
Literal thinkers
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Posting wrong opinions
On the internet is fun
Because you can cause outrage
That does not hurt anyone
Except those fragile people
To whom feeling offended
Is akin to the sensation
Of having one’s life ended
And, let’s be honest, people
Who are hurt by random posts
Are fun to laugh at secretly
And are targets of my toasts.
So I post this opinion
With the hope someone will read it
And share it with a sensitive friend
Whose feeble ego may just need it.
Filed under Poems
Playing sixteenth notes
Is scary when you are ten…
Also, ninety-nine
If you’re walking down the street
And peer into the gutter
And you see a man below
And your heart goes all aflutter
Know that you are not alone
And that he feels the same
And you can shout to him “Grate Scott!”
Because that is his name.
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Want to play a game?
Three hours later we win.
A-plus Sunday night!
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