We could’ve been a miracle
Like a bottle of lightning,
With ardor and passion
That bordered on frightening,
Two bits of a puzzle
That fate formed as one
Destined for fortune
And family and fun.
We could’ve been lovers
And best friends for life,
The textbook example
Of husband and wife.
You could’ve been my world,
My earth, sea, and sky,
If only your first message
Were more than just, “hi.”
Filed under Poems
When the day is over
And the lights go dark
You pull me on top of you
And let me be soft,
Let me keep you warm
Until blindness is comfortable
And dreams are safe.
When the monsters come
To feed on your sweet dreams
Through the leg you left uncovered
I offer my dream instead,
Because your dreams are precious,
Your dreams are limited,
Your dreams are fragile.
I only have one dream:
To keep you warm,
To keep you safe,
To never leave you,
And no monster can stomach that.
And when the light in the sky
And the light on your ceiling
Edge away the darkness
And welcome you back to life
I’m the first thing you feel,
The first gentle touch,
The first good morning kiss.
You think you’ll outgrow me.
You’ll pack me away
Or send me to another child,
But I only have one baby.
And when the monsters grow up
And they come for your dreams
But you’re awake and alone
You will never be uncovered.
The monsters never give up,
But I never stop dreaming,
And I hope you don’t either.
I’m here in everything.
I’m keeping you safe,
But you’ll never see me
As anything more than a blanket
Because it’s easy to believe in a blanket.
Filed under Poems
Shinji-San, as your boss
It is my job to say
I haven’t seen you working
Since at least last Saturday.
I haven’t seen you punching in,
I haven’t heard your voice,
And so I called you in today
Because I have no choice…
I’m giving you a pay raise
And your choice of special perk.
You’re a fantastic ninja
And I hope to see less good work.
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Almost two weeks have passed
Since the “King of the Jews”
Awoke from the dead after three days
And made international news.
After promising forgiveness
Of all humans and departing,
Mumblings of discontent
From sinners have been starting.
“I wanted to retire
“Somewhere warm,” one sinner said,
“But now I have to worry
“About grace and s**t instead.”
“I’m pissed about redemption,”
Another man commented.
“What about my right to be
“Eternally tormented?”
In fact it seems that since the day
That Jesus pulled a “Nope”
And ascended into Heaven
To give the humans hope
Everyone’s been angry.
“I’m upset,” one human mused.
Tomorrow: “Why all the good men suck”
Right here on Nightly News.
This post was sponsored in part by Serpent Apple Company. Just one bite can change your life!
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I’ve decided to stop drinking water.
It’s controversial, of course,
But I made up my mind when I saw what comes
From adding “sea” to a horse.
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Ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha.
Wait, there’s more… (pause)… Ha.
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There was a grammarian from Crimea
Who had a friend, Timmy Nadia.
Timmy N said “Gimme an
“Crimean simian”
And the grammarian said, “It’s ‘give me a.'”
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You know those tests they give you
That tell your dream career?
There’s been an innovation
In those tests, or so I hear.
They’ve found 80 percent or more
Of testers’ perfect jobs
Are members of unthinking
And mostly peaceful violent mobs.
I didn’t think about it much
When first I heard the news,
But when I took the test myself
I had to change my views.
I scored, not as a rioter,
But a guy who owns a store
That sells lightweight TVs and food
In downtown Baltimore.
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There one was a film about heroes
That didn’t gross quite enough zeroes.
Disney said, “Make it funny
“And we’ll make way more money,”
Then the CEO ordered some gyros.
Filed under Poems
I met a beauty in the lab
And we talked of time and space
And before the time had finished
We were walking to my place.
Things were getting steamy
And as she turned off the light
I said “This is like water
“Exceeding 212 degrees Fahrenheit!”
Filed under Poems
