Ten thousand people gather
Outside a thousand-person town
To see a stranger live his dream
When his band has come around.
He’ll play a dozen ditties
And we’ll sing along by heart
Because a dumb thing he wrote down
Appeared to us as art.
He’ll sell out seven stadiums
All seven days a week
And people clap and scream and cry
All just to hear him speak.
If this man brings such joy to many
Then imagine what you’d do
If you were better looking
And rich and super talented too!
Filed under Poems
Everything is fun
‘Til the ball goes in the stands
And a nose dissolves…
Filed under Poems
At what point do we realize,
While curing cancer would be great,
There’s another rampant problem
That a lot of people hate
And if we pooled our resources
And people who are clever
I bet in just a couple years
The hiccups would be gone forever.
Filed under Poems
Repeat after me:
Just because the door says push
Doesn’t mean don’t pull.
Filed under Poems
My head cannot comprehend sports
And my torso is lacking in muscle.
My legs do not look good in shorts
And my heart has a great dearth of hustle.
My hands and my eyes don’t play nicely
But one thing that I think is neat
Is that I have two assets precisely:
I have, not one, but two athlete’s feet!
Filed under Poems
Look! It’s a bad guy!
Let’s get punched a lot and then
Save the day again!
Filed under Poems
Imagine if there were a coffee
That energized you twice as well
And was also completely free…
Sounds like an easy sell!
I have such a solution for you
If my secret you can keep:
My secret coffee replacement brew
Is called “eight hours of sleep”.
Filed under Poems
Oh Becky, dear Becky,
My beautiful wife,
Not unlike a fireball
You light up my life
By destroying the minions
Of boredom and blech,
All while making my lunches
And fixing my tech.
Some men are boastful
Of “bagging a 10”
But I think they should think
Of thinking again
For the 10’s of the world
Are numerous and plenty
Unlike you, my Becky,
My natural twenty.
I once had the gift
Of unlimited rhymes;
Now I cantrip you foot rubs
Unlimited times.
I can no longer go
Through a short or long rest
Without recalling reasons
Why you are the best.
Sometimes you don’t think so
And deny that you’re swell
To which I respond
With a swift counterspell.
Not unlike Oloro,
Whether present or not,
You made my life grow
From alone to a lot.
So thanks for forgiving
My photos so blurry,
For casting aside
Your long-distance worry,
For accepting my ring
And my oddness galore.
Now onward to love
For a few decades more!
Filed under Poems
There once was a system that worked
Which made administrative ears be perked
So they followed the scoop
And in they did swoop
And the system’s officially gurked.
Filed under Poems
I think Italians
Must have problems with their kids
Jumping off bridges
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 