-O My

Hip-o’s are animals.

Neck-o’s are candy.

Knee-o’s “The One”

And Leg-o’s are dandy.

Elbow-o’s are redundant.

I-o’s admit debt.

That’s all the body-part-o’s

That tonight you’ll get.

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Remember 2016 When This Was All I Wrote?

It is late and I am tired.

“Deinonychus” is hard to rhyme.

This poem was by my mom inspired

And now, luckily, I’m out of time.

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We Need A Common Enemy

I think the USA should change

Their national anthem to

Taylor Swift’s rendition of

“Look what you made me do.”

It would soothe racial tensions

And bring the unity we lack

‘Cause everyone would kneel

And beg the feds to change it back.

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Aphrodite’s Mom-of-the-Year Award

I didn’t put my firearms

In a baby-proof safe. I’m not stupid!

I just wanted to give the world

A much more dangerous cupid.

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Reason #4,231,278 I Love Texas

I got a letter from a woman:

“I’m not pretty,” she wrote.

I wrote back “That’s okay.

“I once f***ed a goat.”*

Believe it or not

She never wrote back.

It seems my sage wisdom

Got her self-esteem back on track!

*Not a literal goat, you pervert! That’s just what we call my cousin.

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Divinity Achieved

If I became God

The first thing I’d do

Was teach when to ask “whom”

And when not to use “who.”

Hint: If you would say “her” or “him,” use whom… The word of the lord 😉

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I Got Game?

My sex life is like a game of bridge,

And I don’t mean bland:

I don’t need a partner

‘Cause I have an awesome hand.

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