You Know A Guy…

No one will ever be recognized

For an honor they rightfully earned;

There’s a record that this person holds

For which they might be spurned,

Mocked, even berated,

But no one will know that they can.

This honor is the dubious record

For the world’s most forgettable man.

The books won’t remember his nothing.

The films won’t remember his lame.

His funeral will be unattended

For none will remember his name.

Maybe he’s already out there,

Anonymous, without a clue,

But if you keep just reading that Powerpoint

That person may just yet be you.

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Country Music

I like guns and I like trucks

And I like hunting ten-point bucks

But I don’t like moonshine or beer

So I’ll stop your banjo solo here.

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Down With That?

Sexy pillow fights

Probably aren’t as fun to watch

If you are a goose.

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It Sounds Latin, So That’s A Bonus

If you purchased a domain name

And nobody impeded it

You could sell it for a fortune

To a company who needed it.

Just think of things like X.com

MySpace, Roflol, or MAGA;

If you owned any of those sites

You could earn a big old bagga

Cash. So I propose to you

The greatest oversight

That could make you a millionaire

Potentially overnight:

There is a thriving industry

For the friend of Harry and Tom…

I suggest someone should purchase

DickusEnlargicus.com

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The Best Medicine

Moreso than drugs or heart disease,

Moreso than any tumor,

Most tragedies in life are caused

By lacking a sense of humor.

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5 ≠ 5

If you go forty miles per hour

In a thirty-five zone

Most people would agree

To leave well enough alone.

But if you’re going thirty

In that same thirty-five space

I have for you bad news

About the future of your face.

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Viagra For Dummies

If you don’t read these directions

Enjoy your twelve hour erections.

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5689 (Making Lemonade)

Tonight I logged onto my blog

Although the hour was late

And saw that people liked my post

Just called “5688”.

Apparently my mind designed

To make my memory marred

To the degree that writing out

A title was too hard.

But mind, I am resilient!

Your trick’s a hidden blessing!

Now I know how many posts

I’ve written without guessing.

So here’s to poem 5689

And the many more to come;

The great, the late, on every date

And, most of all, the dumb.

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Fourteen years ago today

I published my first rhyme

And here I am, much balder,

Still writing after all this time.

When I was young and spritely

I’d write some fourteen lines

But now, older and wiser,

I think that eight is fine.

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YouTube Circa 1564

Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate

For thou hast used our deodorant spray

And got ten percent off with code “Sonnet”.

Sometimes too hot the eye of Heaven shines

But thy armpits know no unwelcome wet.

Aluminum and pareben free, thine’s

The finest deodorant on the net.

Thus thy eternal Summer shall not fade

Nor sweat defile the dryness of they blouse

Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade

For thou art fresh as if stay’d in thy house.

This deal shall last not longer than a day

So click mine link affiliate and slay.

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