Things That Lasted Waaay Too Long

First there was Vietnam

Then the second gulf war…

Now I’m curious how many years

The Amber Heard trial goes for.

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Piece by Peace

You told me that you’re broken

But I have to disagree.

You’re at the disadvantage

Of not seeing what I see.

You don’t see my future

When mascara washes away;

You don’t see the smile

I ask God for when I pray;

You don’t hear the stars align

Every time you laugh and sing.

Even when you feel broken

You’re my everything.

So when you say you’re broken

Disbelieve a little while

While I become a mirror

To show you how you smile,

How you laugh and how you sing

And cry but keep on living;

I want to reflect to you

The love you’re always giving

Until the sun will rise again

And together we will shine

And find your broken pieces

Fit perfectly with mine.

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Notice I Didn’t Mention Her Age 😋

Happy Birthday Mother!

You gave birth like no other

Yo me and my sis,

So you I will kiss

And otherwise shamelessly smother!

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Why Can’t It Actually Suck?

The world is fine, mostly alright,

With occasional bits of blight.

I’m decently fed and slept okay

And nothing much got in my way.

The weather’s cool, the sports are going,

The mountain’s tall, the river’s flowing

And I’m just here like “Okay,

“But can I please sulk anyway?”

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I Did Plans D-ZZ For You… You’re Welcome

Sometimes you make a plan A, B, and C

But the world just is what it chooses to be

And while we can see it as a half-full cup

Sometimes it’s more fun just to mess some stuff up!

On somewhat of a tangent, I’m really keen

On the idea of making a time machine

That does a time loop, Groundhog Day style

And mess some stuff up for an infinite while.

You’re consequence-free for a lifetime or two,

Testing out various versions of you.

Don’t like the result of a particular day?

Just jump off a cliff and try a new way!

And if you are sad knowing this isn’t real,

Believe me, I get it! I know how you feel…

So think of it this way (This gets kinda heady)

You’ve been in and finished a time loop already.

You’ve lived endless lives of the same day again

And you’ve kissed all the ladies and shot all the men

And learned Japanese and solved nuclear fusion

And finally came to a stunning conclusion:

With infinite time, with no way to fail,

With no threat of death, embarrassment, jail

Your life loses meaning if you only win it

So you used your last time loop to think for a minute,

Inventing a button that made time go back

To a day at a time, with a total lack

Of memory concerning your endless days

Of repeating your time in all different ways.

You’ve already learned that making mistakes

Is sometimes exactly what happiness takes,

But if you still need to shoot a TV

To burn some frustration, that’s alright by me!

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Dirty Old Sailor Describes A Fond Memory

You’re nervous when you look upon

Her soft, humid curves.

You want nothing more than to

Give all that she deserves

And even as your fingers shake

When you touch her humid walls

The warmth deeper within her

To all your instinct calls.

Trembling, you go inside

And hear her many sounds

As wave and wave again

Against her body pounds.

You know whatever happens

You must not be seen…

Some of you thought of your girlfriend,

But this poem’s about a submarine.

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When You Didn’t Plan Your Day But You Still Have 2.5 Minutes To Write

Sometimes you drive

To somewhere about

The middle of nowhere

And you go without

Cellular service

Or the internet.

I’m on my way there

So this poem’s all you get.

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Happy Delusions

If I had a pet stegosaurus

I think I would name it Boris

And until someone finked

That he was extinct

My family would really adore us.

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Coming Soon To A Kindergarten Near You

There once was a five-year-old child

Who was happy, and ran somewhat wild.

This continued unabated

Because the child wasn’t medicated

And thus several lawsuits were filed.

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I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…

Portable DVD player

Why are you useless?

You should make life easier

But instead cause us stress.

I wish I could shoot you

In the face with a gun

But you don’t even have a face…

Another reason you’re no fun.

I’m writing this ode to you

As a professional IT person

Tries to make you work at all

Yet the situation does still worsen.

You are naughty, bad, and stupid

And a big mean jerk

But I’d rescind those judgements

If you’d just freakin’ work.

A part of me is fearful now

This poem will not end

Because you are our tech enemy

And not our entertainment friend.

Don’t you see the pain you’re causing

Readers of this blog?

All this to watch a DVD…

What a somber slog.

I would skip ahead in time

To tell you how this ends

But if we made a graph of progress

And analyzed the line of trends

I think the universe would end

In heat death before long

So just sing this poem over and over

Like the 99 bottles of beer song.

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