Scandinavia

Somebody was like

“What if we wrote ‘SKJ’

“And pronounced it like ‘sh?'”

And another guy was like

“When Hell freezes over.”

And I was like

“Nor way man!”

Also hockey, socialism, and vikings.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

That’s Why My Nickname Is “Fish Lips”

My dad has the heart of a lion.

My mom has the heart of a gnu.

Sure, my dad has better taste

But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Somewhere, 1.923% Of My Readers Just Pooped Themselves (The Other 98.077 Need To Reevaluate Their Fetishes)

Find a deck of shuffled playing cards.

Pick a random card and write it down.

Then think of the number of letters

In the name of your favorite town…

If you subtract the number you thought of

From how often you think of French maids

You’ll find that the card you have written

Is in fact the seven of spades.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Autobiography, Chapter 1

Writing lousy poems

Is really not that hard.

It doesn’t take a lot of work

To be a blogging bard.

The only bit that’s difficult

Is deciding what to write,

Thus my meta-poetry

At 10 o’clock at night.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When You’re Not Picky About Who You Befriend

My friend has 70 statues of legs.

I don’t know how he got ’em,

But I know if he ever spanks a statue

He’ll likely hit rock bottom.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Gobbledegook

In the wilds of Gobbledegook

Are paths too many overlook.

One path most people think is lost

Leads to a world exempt of cost,

Where man and nature have no laws,

Where an effect may have no cause,

Where you may hear a singsong tune

That smells like sunset on the moon.

The goblins that live in this land

Live lives most thoroughly unplanned,

Not to be shared with people doomed

To travel on a path more groomed.

If you are one who seeks to find

The secrets of the unthought mind,

To seek safety via dangers

Know this: Goblins welcome strangers.

All you need to live for free

Is to stare at what you can’t see.

The best place to start to not look?

Try the wilds of Gobbledegook.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

White Men, 2019

One day someone was looking

At a girl with diamond earrings

And thought “hey, those are pretty

“But why not use frisbees instead?”

Thus was the beginning

Of the now-frequent appearings

Of those with earlobes larger

Than the brains inside their heads.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems