Female Sexuality And Privilege In The Fruit-Curing Industry

If I were to pick a peck of pickled peppers

Peter Piper’d have a bone to pick with me?

But if I gave Ol’ Pete a peck

He’d want to bone, ’cause “what the heck”

And I needn’t pay the Piper… He’d pay me!


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Well, The Years Start Coming And They Don’t Stop Coming! Fed To The Rules And I Hit The Ground Runnin’! (If you don’t get this joke, you’re one of the first two)

When you say 2001

Some say “A space odyssey,”

Some say “September 11th,”

Some say “The year of the first Shrek movie.”

One of those subgroups

Is precious to me.

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A Fairy Tale Romance

I hold your hand and count to ten

On fingers, yours and mine.

I see the ring I’ll give to you

And how the gold will shine.

I see the satin dress you’ll wear,

Your lacy veil of white

And how our lives will be complete

After our wedding night.

I smell our families’ tears of joy

And hear the words we’ll say

To merge two hearts eternally

On one momentous day.

I feel the fire in my heart,

How yours must burn the same,

I ask you now to you marry me!

Oh, also, what’s your name?

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If California Secedes…

I wish there were a country

That was named “Yomom’sawhore”

‘Cause that way children wouldn’t have to

Study geography anymore.

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Because Disney Ruins Everything

If I owned a magic candy cane

That could call thunder and rain

I’d try to die ASAP

So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.

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A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization

The incidences of protests

Inversely correlate

With the cost of protest signs

And whether people have a date.

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Head In The Clouds

I looked up at the clouds

To the the faces in the sky.

I saw one, with a large nose

And big blue eyes

And goofy white hair.

And I wondered

“Is he going to open his parachute soon?”

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