Superman came flying down
And handed me an Out.
He said, “I’ll be back before tomorrow”
But I had considerable doubt,
So I struck Superman with my knee
And I’m feeling perfectly right;
I kneed a hero
I’m holding Out for a hero ’til the end of the night.
Filed under Poems
So the shark attacked
And killed lots of people who
Went back three more times?
Filed under Poems
Everything is fatal
If you do it long enough.
That’s why I sit on the couch
And write poems and stuff.
Filed under Poems
There once was a wizard of fire
Who was wont to displays of great ire
That involved fireballs
Amidst narrow walls
And this made his companions retire
Filed under Poems
My wife’s boobs are great.
She won’t tell me what to write;
I default to this
Filed under Poems
Evergreen tree beside the river
Where I swim when the Summer sun is high
Casting shadows o’er the picnic table
Filled with blessings just for her and I.
Evergreen tree upon the hilltop
While the red and golden leaves around you fall
Knowing snow will soon be heavy on your needles
Knowing heedless you’ll still be standing tall.
Evergreen tree in wildflowers
When sun returns to us in Spring
Dancing like a wisened older neighbor
To the song that little river starts to sing.
Evergreen tree sawed down for lumber
Not an end befitting of your glory
Until you become a bit of wall or table
A foundation of someone else’s story.
Will you watch that someone else throughout the seasons
And protect them from both the heat and chill
Like you watched the start of her and my united heart
Back when you were the guardian of that hill?
Filed under Poems
I jumped out from behind a door
To startle a friend. They screamed
And said I scared them half to death.
My evil eye then gleamed
And I leapt out another time
To scare the other half away
But turns out they’re just 3/4 dead
And otherwise okay…
Filed under Poems
“So I have this really crappy drum
That sounds like birds flying into a wall
And I’ve tried selling it to musicians
But no one is buying at all.”
“Have you tried sticking two drums together
And giving them a really dumb name?”
“Why, no. Do you think that will help
If they still sound incredibly lame?”
Filed under Poems
Back in 1776
The British government
Oppressed its people oh so much
That they off seceding they went.
Now 250 years later
The British somehow find
New things to ban or punish,
Now including the human mind.
In another century or so
When Mars has human dwellers
We’ll see the Union Jack flying
And many space-suitless dwellers
Because the British government
Will long since have outlawed breathing
But the beating hearts and smiles
Will leave the Martian rulers seething.
Then millions of miles away in space
The British will finally see
That the time has come to pull the plug
And finally outlaw tea.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 