I don’t know when or how
But humanity will go;
Extinction is inevitable
But what I want to know
Is if those who come after us
Will maintain our legacy
By making chicken nuggies
That are shaped like you and me.
“No”, Said Chad The Juror
So if you’re crazy
And you do some crazy crimes
You’re just innocent?
Filed under Poems
The Escape Artist
Everyone deserves a friend
Who’ll both refill your cup
And help you make the party end
When those acquaintances won’t shut up,
Who’s nestled in that happy place
Between indirect and rude
And has a smile on their face
When they lie: “I don’t mean to intrude.”
Filed under Poems
The Missing Link
Ten thousand people gather
Outside a thousand-person town
To see a stranger live his dream
When his band has come around.
He’ll play a dozen ditties
And we’ll sing along by heart
Because a dumb thing he wrote down
Appeared to us as art.
He’ll sell out seven stadiums
All seven days a week
And people clap and scream and cry
All just to hear him speak.
If this man brings such joy to many
Then imagine what you’d do
If you were better looking
And rich and super talented too!
Filed under Poems
Bump. Set. Spike! Oops…
Everything is fun
‘Til the ball goes in the stands
And a nose dissolves…
Filed under Poems
Medical Priorities
At what point do we realize,
While curing cancer would be great,
There’s another rampant problem
That a lot of people hate
And if we pooled our resources
And people who are clever
I bet in just a couple years
The hiccups would be gone forever.
Filed under Poems
Ode To My Brain After The First Day Of School
Repeat after me:
Just because the door says push
Doesn’t mean don’t pull.
Filed under Poems
Forged From A Different Mold
My head cannot comprehend sports
And my torso is lacking in muscle.
My legs do not look good in shorts
And my heart has a great dearth of hustle.
My hands and my eyes don’t play nicely
But one thing that I think is neat
Is that I have two assets precisely:
I have, not one, but two athlete’s feet!
Filed under Poems
The Superhero Genre
Look! It’s a bad guy!
Let’s get punched a lot and then
Save the day again!
Filed under Poems
Unfortunately It Requires Planning And Discipline, And Doesn’t Taste Like Pumpkin Spice
Imagine if there were a coffee
That energized you twice as well
And was also completely free…
Sounds like an easy sell!
I have such a solution for you
If my secret you can keep:
My secret coffee replacement brew
Is called “eight hours of sleep”.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 