Play a little bit wrong
With a lottle bit of style
And the people gonna clap
And the judges gonna smile.
But if you play it perfectly
And accurately articulate
I hoping you enjoy standing
By the phone, where you’ll forever wait.
Inflation?
When a man loves a woman
It is undeniable that
He’ll either be rejected
Or get married and get fat.
When a woman loves a man
She will inevitably feel
As if she’s also gotten fat
(Or is it that dress? What an ordeal!)
I’m not aware of patterns
In the non-binarily inclined
But if they also get fatter
They do not seem to mind.
So, while Ozempic is an option
If weight loss is your course,
I might also reccomend
The non-prescription choice: Divorce.
Filed under Poems
Oregon Agriculture
A cattle ranch was neighbors
With a marijuana farm.
They thought the two could coexist
And not cause any harm.
Now the cows are singing Green Day songs
And I can’t tell a lie:
I never dreamed proximity
Could make the steaks so high.
Filed under Poems
Untitled Goose Poem
You’re always here.
You’re always loud.
“I am a goose”
You shriek, so proud.
You’ll never leave.
Your song won’t cease.
For certainty
I thank you, geese.
Filed under Poems
We Were Always At Least 51% Confident That We Were The Best…
The itsy-bitsy Seahawks
Flew up the water spout.
The one-yard line
Injected us with doubt.
Out came the sun
In San Francisco bay
And the itsy-bitsy Seahawks
Are champions today!
This poem is dedicated to Kenneth Walker III, the first running back in decades to win super bowl MVP.
Good things come when you run the ball.
Filed under Poems
Dinner Plans
The lazy rain will not commit
To ruining our mood,
But teases we who might decide
To go outside with food.
Like a cat, it lies in wait
With cards close to its chest
Until we bypass caution
And don our Sunday best.
Thus, prudence adjudicates
Our picnic we might delay
And instead get chicken nugs
And mac and cheese today.
Filed under Poems
Advice From My Students
If you have not said
“Lozenge” today, try it out;
It’s a banger word.
Filed under Poems
Happy Valentine’s Day! (Buy My Book)
Aromatic plants
Cuddle with their families
Before reaping day.
Tiny baby rose
Has her petals scattered on
Your bedroom carpet.
When will peace return
And the wanton slaughter end?
Why not do your part?
Filed under Poems
Remember When We Remembered?
We used to have passwords
But those were insecure.
Now we use authenticators
So we can know for sure
That the person who entered their password
And scanned their fingerprint and eye
To send an “I forgot my password” link
Is not, in fact, AI.
Filed under Poems
Limerick vs. LinkedIn
There once was a guy named Bob
Who’d never had a job.
He lived on his own
Died all alone,
Decomposed into an unrecognizable blob.
OR
Writing to share the memory of my beloved colleague and life coach, Robert.
He was a man of unparalleled entrepreneurial vision,
A self-made man and independent thinker
Who lived life on his own terms.
His passing inspires us all to further our ownership,
Reflect on our humility,
And scale our amorphous impacts toward the next incarnation of progress.
The Daily Travesty 