I asked the waitress for tofu.
I thought that she was cute
Until she brought me a dildo
And said “Here’s your meat substitute.”
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Sharing Is Caring
If your roommates are loud
And you want them to hush
Just say “Hey roomie,
“Where’d you put our toothbrush?”
Filed under Poems
We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent
“My feelings matter”
Screamed the important human
And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears
Of hyper-intelligent space blobs
Smiled and reminisced
On when they thought the same thing.
Two or three universes away
The process repeated.
Filed under Poems
The thick-walled resting cells of certain fungi and algae, arising from the fusion of two similar gametes need synonyms too!
If you don’t have much money
You could be poor or broke,
Week-to-week, impoverished,
Or have fortunes up in smoke.
If you are real good-looking
You might be cool or hot,
Attractive, sexy, glamorous,
An angel or a thot.
If you want to greet someone
There’s “Hi,” “hey,” “sup,” and more,
So why is there no word
Synonymous with “Zygospore?”
Filed under Poems
Coming Soon To A Campus Near You
What if there were a fairy tale
In which a handsome knight
Went off to save a princess
On his steed of pearly white
But when he leaned to kiss her
And woke her from her sleep
She turned into a zombie
And ate the patriarchal creep?
Filed under Poems
In Other Words, Nothing Alike
Life is like a romantic comedy
Except there’s more than one fat person in the world
And nobody finds love in an airport.
Filed under Poems
Las Story Es Mucho True
If you’re in Puerto Rico
And don’t know how to speako
Know this: The inglés
Is not spoke in the place
And they’ll probably think you’re a freako.
Filed under Poems
