I hope someday AI
Will steal something I make
And put it on a motivational poster
That a kid will learn is fake
And that the insincere message
Will be that child’s final straw
And they’ll achieve cynical nirvana.
Is that a character flaw?
Basically All Of Shakespeare’s Sonnets
You are a man of quite unique good looks
And thus a person of value to see
But since you may not read a lot of books
Perchance you are not all you hope to be.
In contrast to the previous stanza
I urge you to consider: have a kid
For when you’re old like the show “Bonanza”
You’ll be very happy that you did,
For time is cruel to those who aren’t asian
And you’ll soon be wrinkly and unsightly
So get to work to not be a virgin
And pursue this mission every-nightly.
When you’re dead your kid will go on living
And your pretty face will keep on giving.
Filed under Poems
When You Want To Be Sensitive But Can’t Rhyme And Only Have One Minute To Write
The first haiku was
TikTok for ancient Japan.
Ninjas loved that junk.
Filed under Poems
Guilty Consciences
I used words like “pedantic”
To demonstrate my wit.
I followed academia
To drink from wisdom’s tit.
I had A’s and opinions
And the public called me smart
All to hide my guilty secret:
I giggled at a fart.
Filed under Poems
Or GTA 6 (My Disappointment Is Immeasurable)
We’ve almost achieved
AI singularity.
Still no laser sharks.
Filed under Poems
When Insomnia Pays Off (Happy Weekend)
Tonight’s the night
I forgot to write,
Though not by choice
Nor lack of voice.
So now I mock
My writer’s block
And from my bed
Thank insomnia instead.
And now my daily burden done
I await the smiling morning sun
So I can say, “Good morning,” and then
Go happily back to sleep again.
Filed under Poems
Gettin’ Frisky
Welcome to airport security
Where we protect your flight
From older moms with manicure kits
And from folks who are being too white.
Our job is to look through your undies
To find the board game that you packed
Because some guy before you were born
Didn’t get good intel on Iraq.
We’ll never be happy to see you
And we’ll make sure you feel the same way.
Now go to your flight that was cancelled
And let us get on with our day.
Filed under Poems
A Little Wrench In The Plan
Sometimes your mind ignites
And you put together the pieces,
Assembling a master plan
Or assembling an ingenious thesis.
Other times your mind fixates
On a rather more simple idea.
One of these is called an epiphany;
The other is called an Ikea.
Filed under Poems
Survivorship Bias
I want National Geographic
To offer a promotion
Where everyone gets a free wild boar.
The results will be graphic
But I have the notion
The world’s average IQ will soar.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 