She Likes Funny Men

She asked “You know what makes me smile?”

I said “Muscles in your face.”

She hasn’t smiled for a while

And says she Needs some space…”

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A Vegetarian In Texas

I asked the waitress for tofu.

I thought that she was cute

Until she brought me a dildo

And said “Here’s your meat substitute.”

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Sharing Is Caring

If your roommates are loud

And you want them to hush

Just say “Hey roomie,

“Where’d you put our toothbrush?”

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We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent

“My feelings matter”

Screamed the important human

And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears

Of hyper-intelligent space blobs

Smiled and reminisced

On when they thought the same thing.

Two or three universes away

The process repeated.

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The thick-walled resting cells of certain fungi and algae, arising from the fusion of two similar gametes need synonyms too!

If you don’t have much money

You could be poor or broke,

Week-to-week, impoverished,

Or have fortunes up in smoke.

If you are real good-looking

You might be cool or hot,

Attractive, sexy, glamorous,

An angel or a thot.

If you want to greet someone

There’s “Hi,” “hey,” “sup,” and more,

So why is there no word

Synonymous with “Zygospore?”

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Coming Soon To A Campus Near You

What if there were a fairy tale

In which a handsome knight

Went off to save a princess

On his steed of pearly white

But when he leaned to kiss her

And woke her from her sleep

She turned into a zombie

And ate the patriarchal creep?

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In Other Words, Nothing Alike

Life is like a romantic comedy

Except there’s more than one fat person in the world

And nobody finds love in an airport.

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