In the civil war, a soldier fled
Across the Kentucky border,
Seeking to preserve his life
By disobeying his orders.
But when he crossed he found himself
On more unfriendly soil.
The deserter was taken hostage
And executed with boiling oil.
I don’t blame you if this story
Might make you quake or sicken,
But its moral is important:
How Kentucky fried the chicken.
Filed under Poems
When the film’s PG-13
But there are boobies on the screen
You rule the world as but a teen…
‘Cause the script demanded it, know what I mean?
Filed under Poems
Egg salad sandwich
Bathing in the midday sun
Wanting to be loved
Filed under Poems
All alone
On porcelain throne.
Spider comes down.
Now floor is brown.
Filed under Poems
I do not know the muffin man.
I really don’t know nothing, man.
All I know is muffin man
Repeats things, so I’m told.
I’ll tell you of the muffin man
Since you’re no fan of muffin man.
You’ll hear repeats by muffin man
‘Cause the teleprompter’s old.
Filed under Poems
Democrats are donkeys.
Republicans are elephants.
Libertarians are porcupines.
All this makes very little sense;
If a party chose a mascot
Like a dragon or a sphinx
They’d win every election
(Or so this poet thinks).
Filed under Poems
I had an appointment at noon today
So, at 9:00, I took a ten-minute shower,
Then I sat down down to play card games
For about a half an hour.
After I was finished
With my 40 minutes of dun
The universe said, “It’s 3:00 O’clock
“And also you should go buy a gun.”
Filed under Poems
Victory is sweet.
Sweet things aren’t good for your health.
“Loser” means “healthy”.
Filed under Poems
If
You
Plan
Ahead, you
Can make anything
Look like a graph that
Extends dramatically at the end of the line.
Stats
Lie.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 