The Daily Travesty

What is up my future trainer?

You see my name is Oak.

I’m a Pokémon professor

And that’s no Poké-joke.

I forgot my grandson’s name

And I’m uncertain of your gender

So take this fire-breathing cutie

And go on a Poké-bender.

Before you leave my lab

You and what’s-his-name will fight.

So you don’t know what to do?

That’s the tutorial all right!

Now go deliver this parcel

To the Viridian guy

And tell your mama that you’re leaving

‘Cause you’ll probably Poké-die.

Wait, you made it? You’re amazing!

That must take Pokéballs.

Keep your lizard you wizard

And depart from these walls.

You better go get eight badges

From the Pokémon gyms

And also stop the Poké-mafia

And keep all your limbs.

And if you make it to the end

With all your cuties leveled up

I’ll take a break from your mama

To come and tell you what’s up

Which is that you are the champion

And not what’s his name

So watch some unskippable credits

And join the Poké-Hall-of-Fame.

Then go back to your family

And play on your NES.

Wait, you want some more adventure?

Well who’da Poké-guessed?

Don’t worry little trainer

(Still can’t tell if you’re a girl)

‘Cause we’ve got thirty years of games

For you to give a Poliwhirl.

Not sure what Poliwhirl is?

Don’t feel bad.

In the early days we weren’t sure

The power Pikachu had

So we made a hundred-fifty

Little monsters to enslave

And told you to catch ‘em all

But only gave you one save

So to really win this challenge

You’re gonna have to go out

And sell your friends another game;

That’s what we’re Poké-about!

Are you laughing? Is that crying?

No, that wasn’t a joke.

Now go bring me a Mewtwo

Or I’ll give your mom my Oak.