I used words like “pedantic”
To demonstrate my wit.
I followed academia
To drink from wisdom’s tit.
I had A’s and opinions
And the public called me smart
All to hide my guilty secret:
I giggled at a fart.
Or GTA 6 (My Disappointment Is Immeasurable)
We’ve almost achieved
AI singularity.
Still no laser sharks.
Filed under Poems
When Insomnia Pays Off (Happy Weekend)
Tonight’s the night
I forgot to write,
Though not by choice
Nor lack of voice.
So now I mock
My writer’s block
And from my bed
Thank insomnia instead.
And now my daily burden done
I await the smiling morning sun
So I can say, “Good morning,” and then
Go happily back to sleep again.
Filed under Poems
Gettin’ Frisky
Welcome to airport security
Where we protect your flight
From older moms with manicure kits
And from folks who are being too white.
Our job is to look through your undies
To find the board game that you packed
Because some guy before you were born
Didn’t get good intel on Iraq.
We’ll never be happy to see you
And we’ll make sure you feel the same way.
Now go to your flight that was cancelled
And let us get on with our day.
Filed under Poems
A Little Wrench In The Plan
Sometimes your mind ignites
And you put together the pieces,
Assembling a master plan
Or assembling an ingenious thesis.
Other times your mind fixates
On a rather more simple idea.
One of these is called an epiphany;
The other is called an Ikea.
Filed under Poems
Survivorship Bias
I want National Geographic
To offer a promotion
Where everyone gets a free wild boar.
The results will be graphic
But I have the notion
The world’s average IQ will soar.
Filed under Poems
You’re Welcome
Happy day of motherhood
To all the moms who mother good
For all the kids that mothers had
Through collaboration with a dad.
My mom had but children two.
One is me. The other’s probably not you.
I was the second, and my mom said
“Better quit while I’m ahead.”
My mom mothered day and night
And must have done something just right
To raise a glorious son like me
Who writes her lovely poetry.
Now separate as we may be,
If only geographically,
I’ll always hold you in my heart
Because you made my heart first start.
Back Online, Just In Time For Election Season?
Hantavirus ship
Proves the “New World Order” guys
Must be introverts
Filed under Poems
Not All Calories Are Created Equal
Someone made a sandwich
With ice cream as the filling.;
They took a mighty gamble
But consumers were more than willing.
Then someone ate one of the sandwiches
And thought, “I really don’t like to chew”
So they added some pre-softened cardboard
And gave it the name “Great Value.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 