Nothing says “Settle down tonight”
Like drinking a cup of tea
That you made ten hours ago
And then erased from your memory
Until now, when you sip its coldness
And enjoy its over-steeped flavor.
Yes, this is my evening’s pleasure
And my absent-minded savor.
Filed under Poems
That time of night has come at last
When the fan blows on your feet
And you wear your thinnest underwear
To beat the evening heat,
When the bedsheet becomes optional
And clothing does as well
And we see the smiling upside
Of an afterlife in Hell.
Filed under Poems
When the robots start a war
It won’t be any fun,
But I can safely predict the final score
Will be zero to one.
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They called me the goat,
Which would be fine, except they’re
A birria chef.
Filed under Poems
Eat raw cookie dough;
It’s basically sushi for
Happy chubby kids.
Filed under Poems
I opened up a shop today
To sell yew trees to all.
I planted the woods last Spring
And I’ll close the shop this fall.
Unfortunately, my business plan
Still has a few crossed wires:
As it turns out, only Yew
Can prevent forest buyers.
Filed under Poems
Rolling office chair
Can reach 50 MPH
If you try enough.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes people are cranky
Even if you give them a blankey.
If they are, just grab it back
And then go get them a snack.
If a snack and a blankey don’t help
Just say noncommittally, “whelp”,
Then sprinkle a pentagram of salt
Because the devil is probably at fault.
Filed under Poems
So an OnlyFans subscription
Is $20 bucks a week?
And might be even more expensive
For a “creator” at her peak?
Forgive me if I shudder
Because that sounds like lots and lots;
In my day the gold standard was
A penny for your thots.
Filed under Poems
They said “Be the change you want to see”
And I was about to imagine bliss
Then you asked, “Penny for your thoughts”
And whoops! I’m stuck like this!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 