Growing up is hard.
Santa wants to make you smile.
Meet new Nuka-Sled!
Hoedown!
Four
De
Scen
Ding
Choooords…
Well I like to hunt
And I like to fish
But this redneck cowboy stereotype
Only has one real wish
That’s to meet your pa
And to buy a ring
And to do the redneck cowboy stereotypical wedding thing
So if you will be my bride, oh boy
You’ll surely be my pride and joy
And with any luck you’ll get in my truck
And we’ll have a kid and shoot a deer and a duck…
And if mama and my dog were still alive
I know they’d love to see us thrive
So let that steel guitar play a minor chord…
As the light fades and we kiss in my Ford…
So I hope that you live up to all my hype
‘Cause girl you are my cowboy
(Chord)
Redneck
(Chord)
Stereo…
(Beedillo dee bo de bo debodo bebodo dee)
Type!
Filed under Poems
Just Me?
Nothing says “Settle down tonight”
Like drinking a cup of tea
That you made ten hours ago
And then erased from your memory
Until now, when you sip its coldness
And enjoy its over-steeped flavor.
Yes, this is my evening’s pleasure
And my absent-minded savor.
Filed under Poems
Summertime
That time of night has come at last
When the fan blows on your feet
And you wear your thinnest underwear
To beat the evening heat,
When the bedsheet becomes optional
And clothing does as well
And we see the smiling upside
Of an afterlife in Hell.
Filed under Poems
They’ll Kill The Non-Binaries First
When the robots start a war
It won’t be any fun,
But I can safely predict the final score
Will be zero to one.
Filed under Poems
I Could Just Eat You Up…
They called me the goat,
Which would be fine, except they’re
A birria chef.
Filed under Poems
Salmonella? More Like Scamonella
Eat raw cookie dough;
It’s basically sushi for
Happy chubby kids.
Filed under Poems
Fir Real
I opened up a shop today
To sell yew trees to all.
I planted the woods last Spring
And I’ll close the shop this fall.
Unfortunately, my business plan
Still has a few crossed wires:
As it turns out, only Yew
Can prevent forest buyers.
Filed under Poems
The New Tide Pod Challenge
Rolling office chair
Can reach 50 MPH
If you try enough.
Filed under Poems
How To Deal With An Upset Person
Sometimes people are cranky
Even if you give them a blankey.
If they are, just grab it back
And then go get them a snack.
If a snack and a blankey don’t help
Just say noncommittally, “whelp”,
Then sprinkle a pentagram of salt
Because the devil is probably at fault.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 