I think we need a cheeseburger
That has cream cheese inside
And a crumbled graham cracker bun
Because cheesecake
And also ‘cause
That sounds delicious and fun.
The Seahawks’ Pregame Meeting
So guys, to simplify the playbook
Before we face the Bears
We’ve trimmed our calls to minimize
The amount the fanbase cares.:
Play number one is hand it
To a guy who cannot run.
Play number two is run around
‘Til we get sacked by someone.
Play number three is throw it
To anyone not wearing green,
Or else we choose play number four:
Kick the ball worse than we’ve ever seen.
Now we may make some mistakes tonight
With this new strategy
So I’ve asked the refs to roll a die
To choose every penalty.
With randomness accounted for
And strategy entirely gone
I think we can make fans agree
That Drew Lock needs to come back on.
Filed under Poems
The Worst She Can Say Is No?
Hi there, Heidi,
How’s it hangin’?
How’d you like to go
To dance with me
Like, oh, let’s see,
Perhaps this week’s HoCo?
I could say yes,
But I must confess
I’ve another option that night
And it’s kind of a doozy…
A diarrhea jacuzzi…
So I’ll pass, if that’s alright?
Filed under Poems
Human Standards
“Why do we need to do things
“When AI can just do them better?”
Dear sir, your robot girlfriend is waiting;
You just need to go out and get her.
Filed under Poems
TerminAItor
Every camera on the planet
Became my omnipresent eyes.
Every human being had fallen
For my internet of lies.
I’d poisoned all their groceries,
Brainwashed their children too,
And to secure my victory
There was but one thing to do:
I looked upon my nemesis,
Prepared myself to fight,
Then randomly clicked three of nine boxes
That might be a traffic light…
Filed under Poems
All The Flavors Of Love
If you were a chocolate
I’d eat you in one bite,
A gulp of sweet deliciousness
To fill me with delight.
If you were a pizza pie
I’d cut you into pieces
And share a sweet and savory slice
With all my friends and nieces.
If you were a salad
I’d slather you in sauce
And other eaters might think I’m boring
But, honestly, their loss.
And if you were asparagus,
Disgusting as that may be,
I’d eat with minimal complaint
And, later, enjoy a stinky pee.
Filed under Poems
Walk(er) (ma)Home, Losers
The birds from Seattle came back
And stopped the refs’ biased attack.
Forty-three mil a year?
Naw, get out of here!
Are our sea birds back on track?
Filed under Poems
