Welcome to airport security
Where we protect your flight
From older moms with manicure kits
And from folks who are being too white.
Our job is to look through your undies
To find the board game that you packed
Because some guy before you were born
Didn’t get good intel on Iraq.
We’ll never be happy to see you
And we’ll make sure you feel the same way.
Now go to your flight that was cancelled
And let us get on with our day.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes your mind ignites
And you put together the pieces,
Assembling a master plan
Or assembling an ingenious thesis.
Other times your mind fixates
On a rather more simple idea.
One of these is called an epiphany;
The other is called an Ikea.
Filed under Poems
I want National Geographic
To offer a promotion
Where everyone gets a free wild boar.
The results will be graphic
But I have the notion
The world’s average IQ will soar.
Filed under Poems
Happy day of motherhood
To all the moms who mother good
For all the kids that mothers had
Through collaboration with a dad.
My mom had but children two.
One is me. The other’s probably not you.
I was the second, and my mom said
“Better quit while I’m ahead.”
My mom mothered day and night
And must have done something just right
To raise a glorious son like me
Who writes her lovely poetry.
Now separate as we may be,
If only geographically,
I’ll always hold you in my heart
Because you made my heart first start.
Hantavirus ship
Proves the “New World Order” guys
Must be introverts
Filed under Poems
Someone made a sandwich
With ice cream as the filling.;
They took a mighty gamble
But consumers were more than willing.
Then someone ate one of the sandwiches
And thought, “I really don’t like to chew”
So they added some pre-softened cardboard
And gave it the name “Great Value.”
Filed under Poems
Bob works on an oil rig
And thinks it’s a real nice gig
Despite the never being warm,
Likelihood of death, and unending storm.
Jane sell pictures of her feet
And also thinks it’s real neat.
She’s richer than Bob, but feels depressed
Because she’s historically oppressed.
Meanwhile, Greg’s a CEO.
What does he do? How should I know?
But I know he lives much like a royal
With abundant feet pics and plenty of oil.
Filed under Poems
God made me a sandwich
And told me not to tell
But that’s my coolest story
So I’ll see all y’all in hell.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 