Men

There are 300 urinals present.

Just the first and last are used at all.

If one of those two isn’t open

Non-sociopaths use a stall.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Yep, Still Single…

Cancer is better than feminists.

Of this I am convinced.

I know people who beat cancer

And haven’t heard from it since.

But fate is not so happy

For those who’ve contracted feminism

For between them and common sense

Is a nigh-incurable schism.

Cancer kills quickly and painfully.

Feminism’s mostly the same

Except it lacks social stigma

And casts a whole lot more blame.

Feminists ask for equality

While cancer makes all of us equal.

Cancer terminates us while feminism

Makes an all-female terminator sequel.

And if you find you’re a feminist

Whether long-term or out of the blue

You have to live with yourself. With cancer

That’s something you don’t have to do.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Side Effects Include Incontinence, Loss of Sleep, Mood Swings, And A Decrease In Bank Account Balances For 18+ Years

Is it just me or do baby names

Sound more and more like drugs?

Is Aaliyah or Grayson

Something one swallows or hugs?

Of Magdalen, Kavita,

Nunzio, and Tierneigh

Which are babies and which are options

To ask my doctor if its right for me?

There’s Allegra and Zahara,

Bahari and Alok,

Yet none of these has side-effects

According to my doc.

My hope is in the future

Parents go back so “Pam” and “Lee.”

That or RX companies

Make a drug named after me.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Fline Then

I gave someone a gift

Of pigeons sitting on a rock.

When they asked why I told them:

“I don’t give a flying flock.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Home Alone

I stare blankly at the wall,

Fill my mind with off-white paint,

Then picture staring at your face

And feel thankful that I ain’t.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Harrr Harrr Harrr…

I found myself marooned

Off the coast of Kansas (somehow)

And saw another pirate was near.

He was selling corn

So I asked about the price.

He said “You’ll only pay a buccaneer.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Schroedinger Goes Golfing

He went out with a ball and club

To tee off on the green

And defined the ball’s trajectory

To a destination unseen.

To warn the other players

Who are simultaneously alive and dead

He shouted the number 24

To avoid whacking a head.

Why he did this most don’t know

But I can tell you why:

The golfer simply shouted 4!

You’re welcome nerds. Now bye!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems