The Samurai saw a leather hat
With bills to block the sun
And said (probably in Japanese)
“That does not look so fun.”
So the cowboys took it
And thus the West was won
And I would wisely wager
That’s why the Samurai are done.
Supervillains In The Time Of Social Media
So no one pressed the button
And no one cut the wire
And the number of both tocks and ticks
Is growing ever higher
And I’ve haggled and I’ve cackled
And liked, shared, and commented
But my existential ticking threat
Has in no psyche cemented.
I’m once again tequesting
That you face a villainous choice:
Press the button or cut the wire.
Go on and raise your voice!
That’s all for now my puny foes
And future grimly-oppressed.
Now I’m off to my one-bedroom lair
To scheme and be despressed
Filed under Poems
True Or False
Tick…tock…tick…tock…tick…
Will you cut the red wire
Or press the button?
Filed under Poems
Earth 2026: It’s In The Game
I think that God has outsourced
The world to EA Games
‘Cause every year the same stuff breaks
But just with different names,
The upgrades aren’t what we request
And some good features get lost
Yet somehow we get nothing
That explains the rising cost.
A year or so ago this thought
Would seem a funny meme
But current events might indicate
It’s truer than it seems…
A world that’s run by CEOs
That, year after year, never change?
Now I’m convinced this theory
Isn’t really all that strange.
Filed under Poems
Ooooh… Maybe Traffic’s Part Of It Too Then?
If you believe the conspiracies
They’re poisoning our water,
Experimenting with vaccines,
And making brunettes hotter.
But if you would destroy the world
(Or just keep it from thriving)
Is make us always feel the way
We do when we are driving.
Filed under Poems
Suddenly, Elon’s Kids Are Grateful
So all of the people named Siri,
And also Alexa and Claude
Have joined the ranks of Karen and Dick.
We tried to choose names that were odd
But why not name AI Muhammed,
Maria, Michael, or James?
Sure, it might cause some wrong emails
But also inspire new names!
Filed under Poems
Travel Scheduling
Airplane lands at 5:00
Off the plane at 12:03
Bag pickup at 9:00
Filed under Poems
This Year For Christmas I Want Racially Accurate Casting In Supporting Roles
I know not of the origin
Of the fateful racial feud
Between the dwarves and elves of old
Nor how such hate ensued,
But the modern dwarf/elf rivalry
Is almost certainly due
To hiring dwarves at Christmas time
To dress as Santa’s crew.
Filed under Poems
PANned By The Critic?
I drew an unflattering picture
Of my friend as a half-goat-half-man.
He didn’t understand it was satyr-ical
But I’m doing the best that I can.
Filed under Poems
When Your Economics Professor Has To Talk His Way Out Of A Shady Deal
If you sell your soul to the devil
And try to buy it back
You’ll find Beelzebub unwilling
To grant you any slack,
But if you do convince him
You’ll need to pay back more
Than whatever you decided
To originally sell it for.
This proves that souls are subject
To monetary inflation
As non-fungible timeless artifacts
With finite monetary evaluations
And thus I say a human life
Gets more valuable with age
From a monetary point of view.
Now let me out of this cage.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 