War is pretty bad.
Epstein didn’t kill himself.
Can we get taxed less?
Holidayflation
‘Twas the 10th of September
And on my TV
A commercial was playing
That terrified me:
‘Twas an ad for vacations
At Disneyland Park
But the song in the background
Made the magic go dark,
For the Disney execs
With audacity sheer
Played “It’s the most wonderful
“Time of the year.”
With my heart sinking faster
Than a billionaire’s submersible
I counted the ways
That their timing was cursable ,
Then with my ears bleeding
From this Disneyland bummer
I went out to enjoy
One more fortnight of Summer.
Filed under Poems
NFL Day One
There was a QB from Seattle
Who started a climactic battle
And then he was down
And that makes me frown
But we hope it’s not more than a rattle
…
There was a Seattle defense
With stats that just didn’t make sense.
They took the ball away
Then they took it away
Then they took it again
And the Patriots haven’t smiled since.
Filed under Poems
A Dino Sore Subject
I don’t know when or how
But humanity will go;
Extinction is inevitable
But what I want to know
Is if those who come after us
Will maintain our legacy
By making chicken nuggies
That are shaped like you and me.
Filed under Poems
“No”, Said Chad The Juror
So if you’re crazy
And you do some crazy crimes
You’re just innocent?
Filed under Poems
The Escape Artist
Everyone deserves a friend
Who’ll both refill your cup
And help you make the party end
When those acquaintances won’t shut up,
Who’s nestled in that happy place
Between indirect and rude
And has a smile on their face
When they lie: “I don’t mean to intrude.”
Filed under Poems
The Missing Link
Ten thousand people gather
Outside a thousand-person town
To see a stranger live his dream
When his band has come around.
He’ll play a dozen ditties
And we’ll sing along by heart
Because a dumb thing he wrote down
Appeared to us as art.
He’ll sell out seven stadiums
All seven days a week
And people clap and scream and cry
All just to hear him speak.
If this man brings such joy to many
Then imagine what you’d do
If you were better looking
And rich and super talented too!
Filed under Poems
Bump. Set. Spike! Oops…
Everything is fun
‘Til the ball goes in the stands
And a nose dissolves…
Filed under Poems
Medical Priorities
At what point do we realize,
While curing cancer would be great,
There’s another rampant problem
That a lot of people hate
And if we pooled our resources
And people who are clever
I bet in just a couple years
The hiccups would be gone forever.
Filed under Poems
Ode To My Brain After The First Day Of School
Repeat after me:
Just because the door says push
Doesn’t mean don’t pull.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 