But Why?

Some artists create a work

With all their heart and soul,

Transforming blank to beauty,

Making pieces into whole

And then that piece sits waiting

As observers pass it by

And the artist sees them miss it

And his mind just wonders why.

Another artists makes a piece

He knows that he can sell.

He doesn’t mind its content

Or if he can make it well,

But watches as his doodads

Fetch a price he’d call too high

And on his bed of dollar bills

He’s also asking why.

I’m sure a middle artist

Is just making decent bits

To make an honest living

With his fifty-fifty hits

But it seems that feast and famine

Is the rule where art’s concerned

And no one yet can answer why

That’s how the tables turned.

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Grandpa’s Advice Column

Every problem in the world

Can be solved with one of these:

WD-40, a well-timed bullet,

Or a bag of frozen peas.

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Keep On Writing

Remember when we wrote things

For other folks to read

That answered all their questions

Or satisfied a need?

And sometimes we would write things

To create a laugh or smile,

To push you through a challenge

And inspire you through a trial.

Now we write for metrics

Like “likes” and “views” and “shares”

And instead of smiles and laughter

We get 100-mile stares.

But if we write the things we like

And refuse to drink

That vile-flavored Kool-Aid

Called “What other people think”

Perhaps we’ll crack a smile

Or persevere ourselves

Until we write a something

That can decorate your shelves.

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What Ever Happened To Manners?

Sometimes I ask myself

“Is talking to myself weird?”

Then some guy next to me says

“Yes”

And my internal monologue and I

Make knowing eye contact

And just walk away from Mr-All-About-Me.

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Travel Blogger Problems, Kansas Style

Somewhere over the rainbow

There’s a plane

Where travelers are complaining

About chronic back pain.

Right there, over the rainbow,

I’m in hell

Wishing I’d had the foresight

To pack a liquid or gel

For with such non-solid things I

Could maybe make a boom device

And make this plane fall from the sky

And yes oh yes would that be nice…

Six months later, under the rainbow,

TSA

Brings me in for “additional screening”

And I recall this day.

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Change My Mind: Not All Cultures Are Created Equal

Some people called us savages

For throwing tourists into volcanos,

Cannibalizing other tribes,

And praying to tornados.

Others called it “Indigenous culture”

Or “Mysticalism to savor.”

Now we throw those others in volcanos

To do the world a favor.

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The Winds (And Brass) Of Change

The Devil came back from Georgia

Having lost a fiddle battle

And decided to get his fit revenge

By giving humanity the paddle.

Still inspired by his suffering

He made child development writers

Into his own special breed

Of human happiness fighters.

In this case he inspired them

To decree that all children

From two-years-old should learn

To play the violin,

That all of them, talent or not,

Should learn of Mary’s little lamb

And whether or not they played it well

He didn’t give a damn.

And that’s how orchestras were made

Just as the Devil planned.

This story brought to you by a guy

Who plays in a concert band.

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One Minute Before Murder

*Beeps*

Finds chair

Stands on chair

Falls of the chair

Gets back up again

Pries alarm off the wall

Puts new batteries in it

Replaces the smoke detector

Returns to bed at 3:00 AM

*Beeps*

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I Present: The “Dumb Scientist” Paradox

I am very dense.

If I were an element

I’d be Osmium.

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And Thus, Potholes (They’ll Never See The Punchline Coming)

We have plenty of handicapped parking

And ramps for the wheelchair-bound.

We have moving electronic messages

For people who cannot hear sound

So I think our next great endeavor

To protect our beloved blind folks

Is to cover all sidewalks and roadways

With laugh-out-loud braille jokes.

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