Most men want a woman,
and women want a man.
It seems like love should be easy,
and with my new method, it can!
My method’s known as L.A.M.E.
and it’s an acronym
For a method that works for her
and works even better for him!
“L” stands for lower standards,
and that’s some good advice.
For instance, you meet a friendly man
and he likes you, but has lice.
Lower down your standards
and I’m sure that you’ll say
“I don’t mind that you’re icky, dear,”
and now we move on to “A.”
“A” stands for altercations,
and it’s best if you have many.
Celebrities fight. They fight a lot,
and they make a pretty penny.
So next time your lover insults you
and you feel you want to argue
Fight it out in a public place
and Hollywood will write a show for you!
“M” stands for me, myself, and I
and I think it’s plain to see
That you’re the most improtant part of a relationship
and that’s a good place to be.
So when your lover says to you
“and you never think of me,”
You’ll answer that you think of yourself
and that’s the way it should be.
“E” stands for exit plan,
and it’s probably obvious
That if you follow the instructions
and you come to “wedded bliss”
You’re going to need an exit plan
and you’ll already be prepared.
So try it on your loved one now,
and try not to be scared.
Say “Honey, you are ugly
and I really couldn’t care less.”
Then fight it out in a public place
and televise your stress!
Remember, love is selfish
and think of “me,” good man.
Then run to love another day,
and use your exit plan.
The Daily Travesty 