Category Archives: Poems

Women Turning Down Dates Be Like…

I wanted to take a moment

To tell you I adore

The way you walk, the way you talk,

The way you smile. What’s more

I wanted to appreciate

How kind you are to me.

Like rain in Spring, new life you bring

To everyone you see!

You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,

As well as smart and brave.

You’re a man no woman can

Deny she’s always craved.

I think you’re the pinnacle

Of manliness. So there!

But I can’t go to see that show

‘Cause I have to wash my hair.

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Wind Chimes

Sometime in the distant past

Somebody’s wife I suppose

Decided to hang a bunch of pipes

So whenever the wind blows

It makes the sound of a little kid

Assaulting a glockenspiel

And she sold these things for thirty bucks

And I don’t know how I feel…*

*That’s a lie. I love them. They are wonderful.

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If You Didn’t Say “Word” After This, You Ain’t Black

I was in the white house and I was like “Hey

“Let’s inject everybody with some MRNA.”

And the people who know science was all up like “Nah”

But the uneducated populace was like “Vax up brah.”

I know you MAGA people be on Instagram hatin’

On how my administration is fixated on mandatin’

Figurin’ it isn’t shots but God who gives you redemption,

But my bureaucrats denyin’ your religious exemption!

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The Power Of Syllabic Symmetry And Meter In Modern Poetry

Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters

I get a temptation that of me can get the better:

You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…

Heeeeeey Macarena!

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To Serve and Protect…

Women live longer

Than men, this is true,

But how many women

Say “I’d die for you”?

Men on the other hand

Say it a lot,

So men must die younger

‘Cause women are hot.

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The New Normal

Conforming is courage.

Sameness is unique.

Silence is violence

So we all must speak,

But if you speak other

Than what we agree

The only conclusion

Is patriarchy!

Everyone’s special

Except for the whites

And all men, plus women

Who want to have rights.

Such people are dangers

To our peaceful views

Unless they are silenced

By endless bad news.

“The truth” is old-fashioned.

“Your truth” will prevail.

If there are no winners

Then no one can fail!

So dye your hair purple

And get your tattoos

And be one of us rebels

Who share the same views.

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Know Your Place

Whether we walk by the mountains or sea

We consider ourselves on the ground,

But the birds and the fish far below disagree

And render the notion unsound.

The birds up above sing to each other

Of how humans choose not to fly,

Enjoying the feeling that comes from remaining

Always at the bottom of “sky.”

The fish and the whales and coral and seals

Think of our waterless place

As one way a heaven, in other ways hell,

Just as we humans must think of space.

We are at the apex, we are at the bottom,

All trapped by the pull of a star.

To some we are Gods, to others we’re vermin

And I’m just content that we are.

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Being An “Us” With No “Them”

When was the last time a stranger

Whispered something in your ear,

Whether something that was naughty

Or perhaps a secret fear,

Saying something so important

That they risked becoming near

To share with you a datum

Only you were fit to hear?

If you’ve never given quiet

I think you ought to try it.

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The Worst Speech In The History Of Speeches, Maybe Ever

Roses are red.

Biden is tired.

The guy who holds his “applause” sign

Apparently got fired.

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Live and Learn

When I was five years old I thought

That I was pretty strong

Until I tried to lift my dad

And found out I was wrong.

When I was fifteen I figured

That I was pretty suave

Until I learned that suave’s a word

That doesn’t rhyme with “shave.”

When I was twenty five I thought

That I was pretty smart

Until I turned my car key

And the engine didn’t start.

And I suspect at thirty five

And forty five and older

The things I saw in my mind’s eye

I’ll see as a beholder.

I just hope at ninety

Or whenever death will dial

I’ll remember all the times I erred

Then look ahead and smile.

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