Category Archives: Poems

They Just Did It

Nike pays their workers

About sixteen dollars a week for

Them to work 80 hours

Making a pricey brand-name sneaker

(That’s twenty cents an hour

For those with a math obsession)

But hey! They’re paying Kaepernick

To speak out against oppression.

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Happy Birthday (And You Smell Like One Too)

Jubilations on the most recent anniversary

Of your extra-uteral emergence into the nursery.

Your visage has an undeniable simian similarity

And your olfactory signature is also resemblant, although cursory.

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Yes, I Was Playing White

I played a game of chess today

With a lass from West L.A.

I pinned her king and said “Checkmate,”

But West L.A demanded “Wait!”

She pointed out that I had doomed

A king whose gender I’d assumed

And what my small mind hadn’t seen

Was that I had trapped her second queen.

Having no method now to win

I concluded she had done me in.

Now the world can only guess:

Why don’t more lesbians play chess?

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Sue Can Empathize

I used to be a beat cop

For the city of LA,

Busting heads and taking names

And shutting crooks away.

I had a code of honor

That would supersede the law…

That was me, the sexy renegade,

The American Eagle’s claw.

But though I stood at six-foot-ten

And had zero body fat,

Had six-pack abs and a .44 mag,

A badge and all of that

I knew my name was whispered

In every darkened alley

And I still could not see why

My parents chose to name me “Sally.”

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Still More Fun Than Watching Soccer

I want to play rock-paper-scissors

Where scissors beats rock, ’cause then

Everyone would always choose scissors

And it would make the game more “zen.”

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Canadian Muslim Problems

In December I sat on a frozen lake

And fished for rainbow trout.

The next two months I did the same

‘Cause that’s what I’m about.

This Summer I’m vacationing

Somewhere in the Maldives.

I know there’s no ice-fishing there

But I can avoid my 28 wives.

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When You Break The 11th Commandment

There once was a womxn from Berkeley

Who acted rashly and berserkly.

Zhe drove a non-hybrid car

To an all-vegan bar.

These micro-aggressions were carried out jerkily.

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