Category Archives: Poems

Baby Fat

They made a bigger, safer playground

For the children at the school

And the big kids and the babies

Both agree it’s pretty cool,

And the makers cash their checks

For saving kids from pain

And the parents who know better

See the baby fat remain.

They made a kinder, gentler college

For the kids of yesteryear

Where thinking is discouraged

Because it sometimes causes fear

And the makers plan the lessons

And the students love their chains

And the thinkers keep their distance

And the baby fat remains.

They made predictable excitements

For the prisoners of money

And the watchers and the buyers

Say “That’s scary,” or “That’s funny,”

And the makers give themselves awards

For cutting with the grain

And the living have walked out

Because the baby fat remains.

They gave us safer deadly toxins

And harder automatic wins

And a tolerant sort of hatred

And more pleasant deadly sins.

The makers smile, their strategy

Entirely on track

Because the folks who have the baby fat

Are folks who don’t fight back.

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Where Have All The Good Pets Gone?

I want a furry turtle

That will snuggle me in bed

With a leopard-patterned belly

And a capybara’s head,

Thats softer than a kitten

And convenient as a fish

That’s 6-feet plus and makes $100k…

Is that too much to wish?

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If You Sing This Poem, We Might Be Soulmates

A B C D E F G

H I J K

L M N O

O O O’Reilly’s!

Auto parts!

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Bernie, January 2021

I was sittin’ in my mitten’

Thinkin’ “How evil is money?”

Now I can’t stop the photoshop

And the web says, “Hey, that’s funny!”

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Pomp(oms) and Circumstance

Cheerleaders always turned me on

Since I was a boy of 10,

So when Biden got elected

I was delighted that CNN

And every major outlet

Of mainstream American news

Became unabashed cheerleaders

Shouting “Give us I, give us O, give us U’s!”

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If The Analogy Works Dat Thang…

Remember Mandy the stripper?

The one who showed you her rear

Before she leaned in close to you

And whispered in your ear,

“You’re the one I’m dancing for,”

So you slip her 20 bucks?

That’s basically how the government works

And why I say it sucks.

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How The Second American Civil War Began?

There once was a Cheeto named Don

Whose power was soon to be gone.

At first he was miffed

But then Joe scratched and sniffed

So Don sighed and just said, “Carry on.”

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I Dream of England

Jerry was snoring

In bed in New Hamphire.

“Zzz” was the sound from his head.

Gerald was snoring

In the Hampshire of olde,

And onlookers heard “Zedzedzed.”

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Morning People

The sky was cool and starry blue,

The Earth a pool of morning dew,

Abuzz with life of every shape,

From bug to bird to dog to ape.

One bit of life upon the Earth

Was a normal child of human birth

Who’d celebrate each dawning day

With the joyous sound of childish play.

He was no bird; He could not fly,

And yet he was intent to try.

He’d leap from couch to bed to floor

Until his muscles flew no more.

He was no bug; He could not crawl

Upon a roof or stalwart wall,

But in the calm before the dawn

He, undeterred, would skitter on.

He was no dog; He could not bark,

But made his home a sort of park

In which to howl in youthful glee

In the apartment above me.

He was no ape; He ought to know

His acts impact the room below.

I smell his breakfast on the breeze:

Bacon, toast, and antifreeze…

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Grief + Caffeine =

Woe is me, woe is me

For my true love is dead.

She woke up one morning

With one fewer head.

It cannot be real!

It must be a fake!

I’m angry as hell

Thanks to someone’s mistake!

Oh, what would I give

To return her to life?

Oh what’s the use anyway?

Let’s get on with life.

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