Tag Archives: Poetry

Black Humor?

Leo asked, “Would you like to eat African food?”

We voted, and most voted, “Yea.”

Having said yes, Leo said, “Then I guess

“You and Africans feel the same way.”

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Why Hitler Is The Silver-Medalist of Evil

The inventor of homework they tell is

A guy named Roberto Nevelis.

I don’t know about you,

But sounds like a guy who

Will experience firsthand what Hell is…

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The Edge of Seventeen

There’s a lake just off the freeway

That I went to with a girl

And we sat beside the water,

Feeding nature to a squirrel.

We made noises with our mouths

And made each other laugh,

Then we got someone to feed us

And we only paid for half.

We saw folks in real pain

Pretend to hurt in different ways

While on a screen and in the guise

Of whatever film’s the craze.

Then I drove backwards up a hill

To drop her off at almost nowhere.

I think about her every time

I see that lake, but never go there.

Such is love and such is life

For one who sees the sun at night,

Who, knowing how they hunger so,

Gladly lets the bedbugs bite.

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Deuteronomy 23:2

Last night I read the Bible

‘Cause I was just that bored.

Apparently, “No one whose testicles have been crushed

Or whose penis has been cut off

May be admitted into the company of the Lord.”

So when you settle differences

With fists, and feet as well,

Just remember, a kick to the balls

Is literally a ticket to Hell!


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Then I Gave Death the “Come Hither” Look…

Whenever death may lurk nearby

And threaten you with pain

Know that if the threat is true

You’ll never watch a debate again…

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It’s “Queeva,” Actually…

A young Irish man in his prime

Loved a lassie who gave him a lime.

He said, “Darling Caoimhe,

“I’ll never leave ya.”

And yes, that does actually rhyme.

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Quotidian Composition Vitiates…

People say that grammar

Doesn’t matter any more,

That vocabulary’s useless

And english is a bore.

What they do not realize

Is that the word you tried

Might turn a social program

Into massive genocide.

Take this proposition:

“Our mayor, Jim Metcalf

“Will, by 2025

“Cut homelessness in half.”

What a lovely world we’d have

And what a peaceful street

If Mayor Metcalf’s plan above

Was ever made complete!

Alas, the words they wrote instead

Were, “Mayor Jim Metcalf

“Will, within the next five years,

“Cut homeless people in half.”

To some, there’s nothing different.

To some, this sounds just fine

Until you realize just how

The Mayor crossed a line

Because the homeless person

Who was once in Bradley Square

Now has his legs on Main Street

But his torso’s over there!

Stop the death and carnage

And salute the grammar nerds,

For only you can save a life

By choosing proper words.

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For the rest of you… this is funny because it divides readers into subgroups, then introduces a joke unlikely to be funny to the majority of readers, thereby enhancing the humorous subtext for the small minority of readers who, as the first line implies, appreciate brevity (You’re welcome)

To those who value brevity:

Enjoy ironic levity.

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Space Travel and the Perils of Mobile Gaming

In yonder black beyond the sky

Where only stars call home

We set the scene for what’s to come

To those who in it roam:

Ten passengers, a crew do make

Of the mighty spaceship, Skeld.

‘Tis on this craft a tale of woe

For you, tonight, is held.

Each crewmate dons a colored suit,

Of yellow, orange, cyan,

Pink, lime, red, black, blue, or green

Else white, violet, or tan.

‘Tween seven and nine are loyal crew

While one to three impostors stalk;

The majority have tasks to do,

Whilst among them evil walks.

Some may vouch for one another

If a task completed be,

While other times they may accuse

One whom with a corpse they see.

The corpse in question comes of course

From the impostor’s dubious deeds:

By fist or gun or alien maw

The tainted crew fulfills their needs.

Anyone can call a meeting

When a body’s finally found

And good and evil, roles unknown

Within the cafe gather round.

A choir of “Where?” Is said by all

Until the meeting’s caller may tell

The identity of the fallen mate

And the room in which they fell.

The rainbow spacemen then take turns

Declaring one another “sus,”

Casting blame without a clue…

Such is the game called “Among Us.”

Whoever’s name is called the most

Is thrown into the great beyond.

This repeats until such time

As evil’s purged or good is gone.

Time then, in mysterious ways,

Returns to whence the quest began.

If you want to live this dream

Download the app and soon you can.

But fear not only those who lurk

As black or pink or red or lime…

Fear the monster of this life

Which is the loss of your free time!

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To Paraphrase Schopenhauer…

What is true is first a joke,

A bit to please a crowd.

Next the truth is vilified,

Taboo to speak aloud.

At some point it’s said again

By someone very scared

And he is told “That’s obvious”

As if nobody cared.

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