Tag Archives: Poetry

Disney Doesn’t Want Any Original Material…

I made a roller coaster

That goes a million miles an hour

It has 50 real tigers

And a giant lava shower

And there’s fireworks and live grenades

And unicorns and shit

And, for some reason, investors

Won’t have any part of it?

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Based On Actual Song Lyrics

Doowop, doowop.

Doowop bebop shadooby.

Wicky-wicky, chicka-chicka,

Doowoppa scooby dooby.

Boobop, baddop,

Badoppawop pizazz!

If you think this poem’s stupid

Then you REALLY must hate jazz.

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When I Meet One, We Will Be Soulmates

All the little animals

Of land and sea and air

Sought to find a one true love,

Their one and only pair.

The birds and bees, the cats and dogs,

The frogs and toads were one;

The hare and tortoise, horse and fly

Paired up and all was done.

Alas, when pairing finished

The axolotl was alone

Because instead of socializing

It wrote poems on its phone.

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SERIOUSLY?

‘Twas 31 days before Halloween

And all through the shops

Christmas music was playing…

Should I call the cops?

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Love Y’all, Good Night

I wrote 92 haikus on Tuesday

That apparently nobody read.

If you’re unsatisfied with this poem

Go read some of that crap instead.

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A Depends-able Workers

My boss said I’m incompetent

Because I visit the bathroom a lot.

Then I developed incontinence

And now visit that room I do not.

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A Haiku For All 92 Genders (According To Wikipedia)

Abinary

Abinary means

That you aren’t male or female…

Off to a good start?

Agender

Cancel me, but why

Doesn’t this invalidate

The whole “spectrum” thing?

Androgyne

Like “androgynous”

But for those who want to sound

Like a fashion brand

Androgynous

Gender-neutral look

And an old Greek baby name

Meaning “Poorly Dressed”

Aporagender

Wikipedia

Didn’t even dignify

This with its own page

Bakla

Philippino guys

Who dress up and act like girls,

Unlike baklava.

Bigender

Large person who starred

In a bad sci-fi movie…

Oops! I read that wrong

Binary

Male or female folks

Who will not get scholarships

Unless very poor

Bissu

Indonesian stuff

I just skimmed the article

‘Cause I have a life

Butch

These are lesbians

That they don’t make pornos with.

They like ugly shoes

Calabai/Calalai

More Indonesia

I lumped these two into one

‘Cause I do not care

Cis

Battle droid gender

Fought against the clone army

Nerds will understand

Cisgender

People who agree

That their genitalia

Show what sex they are

Cis Female

Yes, apparently

This is its own separate thing?

A favorite of mine

Cis Male

Gender study peeps,

Let I take this time to say

You need to relax

Cis Man

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Chuck Norris, Sean Connery,

And your girlfriend’s dad

Cis Woman

We’re only on “C”

And this post already seems

Like a huge mistake

Demi-Boy

Superhero film

Disney will release next year

Tell me I’m not wrong

Demiflux

Don’t take Demiflux

If you are allergic or

Can define “Bakla”

Demigender

When your gender vibes

Aren’t strong, but you’ll still sue folks

Who use wrong pronouns

Demi-Girl

I don’t want to know!

Will this suffering not end?

(Demi-boy sequel?)

Demi-Guy

When a demi-girl

Is cool, like a friend, you know?

Not like other gals.

Demi-man

I’m just thinking how

If you take the hyphens out

Do these genders change?

Dual Gender

When you wield a sex

In both hands, unlike the guys

With a shield in one

Demi-Woman

Walkin’ down the street.

The kind I don’t like to meet.

I don’t believe you.

Endosex

You have private parts

Other people cannot mock,

But only one set.

Female

Good, old fashioned girls!

No Demis required here

Except Demi Moore

Female to Male

Like Male to Female

But without the extra perk

Of winning at sports

Femme

Here’s the lesbians

Everybody knows and loves

With long hair/good shoes

FTM

So I guess this means

Contractions are genders now?

WTF

Gender Bender

Here I thought “GB”

In LGBTQ+

Stood for “Great Britain”…

Gender Diverse

When you’re a black chick

Still denied a scholarship.

Hail Mary, yo!

Gender Gifted

Here it is! They made

A participation prize

For being human

Genderfluid

That stuff in the bed

That gets on the sheets after

You have hot… gender.

Genderflux

Like a tongue twister

For pretentious cross-dressers.

But wait! It gets worse!

Genderfuck

I am not kidding.

This is actually a thing

On the internet

Genderless

For agender folks

Who’re offended by the phrase

“Straight A’s”. Am I right?

Gender Nonconforming

Remember when goths

Were the edgy kids in town?

Ah, the good old days!

Genderqueer

For when the word “fag”

Isn’t offensive enough

So you upped the stakes.

Gender Questioning

Proof that there’s such thing

As dumb questions after all.

Isn’t two enough?

Gender Variant

I just had a stroke

Reading Wikipedia.

Does that mean I’m gay?

Graygender

When you realize

Beige-gender’s too exciting

So you tone it down.

Intergender

Fascinating how

There’s a billion ways to say

“Not a girl or boy”

Intersex

All the Thailand memes…

All the girls with extra oomph…

Our next president…

Hijra

The sound that is made

When Godzilla has to sneeze

But covers his face

Kathoey

A carnival game

Where if you pronounce it right

You win a rainbow

Male

Patriarchal bums

Holding up society

But not hard enough

Male to Female

Just like other girls

But better at sports, plus no

“That time of the month”

Man

Man of Trans Experience

Is this akin to

“African American”

And yet more PC?

Maverique

That one X-Men kid

Who the other mutant kids

Beat up after class

MTF

Think of all the folks

Whose initials got usurped

Just like women’s sports

Multigender

The Swiss army knife

Of gender dysmorphia

So handy, I guess?

Muxe

The generic form

Of the brand-name Mucinex…

LOTS of side effects!

Neither

Hmph. No boy. No girl.

Me no likey gender words.

Or words at all. Ugh.

Neurogender

When your sex organ

Is your brain, not genitals.

Too bad it’s broken

Neutrois

Just when you thought France

Was already gay enough…

Voila! C’est neutrois!

Non-Binary

At least this gender

Makes the ballot in most states,

Like the green party

Non-Binary Transgender

When you’re so convinced

Your gender does not exist

You need surgery

Omnigender

The title granted

To those who have memorized

This entire list

Other

For when you read through

Ever-growing gender lists

But still can’t decide

Pangender

Some nicknames include:

“Pot head”, “Small fry”, “Pan Handler”

Good at cooking though

Polygender

The only gender

Who like white Americans…

They wanna cracker

Person of Transgendered Experience

These do not exist.

They are like a unicorn

(Although not as cute)

Third Gender

For the people who

Have third eyes, third boobs, and such.

I’d rate 3/5

Trans

Wikipedia

Has twenty subgroups of these

I’m too tired to care

Travesti

This blog’s fav so far!

Basically Brazilian gay

Please son’t think too hard

Trigender

When you finish math

That has triangles and crap.

Get it? Trig ender?

Two-Spirit

Folks who get turned-on

By sequels of horse movies

From 2002

Woman

Someone who avoids

The guy who wrote these haikus

Except for that one…

Woman of Trans Experience

I should not have done

This stupid haiku challenge

But it still gets worse…

X-Gender

The preferred gender

Of those who date Taylor Swift

Horizontal lines

Xenogender

The pain’s over now;

I can live my life again.

Also, this exists.

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True Love, 2022

Upon the sofa down we sat,

Eating ice cream, happy, fat,

Eyes on the TV, wearing no pants:

This is my ideal of romance!

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When You Need The Product To Use The Product

Today I bought a laser sword

That can cut through anything.

The only problem is that it’s in

The plastic Costco packaging…

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It’s My Birthday, So You HAVE To Like The Post

Today is the day if my birth,

When I first breathed the air of the Earth.

Because of my exodus

From my mom’s uterus

I now create poems with mirth.

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