Tag Archives: Poetry


One hundred years ago today

A boy and girl were scared

Together in the chapel,

Neither one of them prepared

To spend a life exclusively

In one another’s heart,

But shared a kiss and promise there

‘Til death tore them apart.

Five years from that fateful day

A child joined the two

And once again they stood in fear

Without a hope or clue,

Uncertain how to raise a child

And keep him safe from pain,

But wrapped him in a blanket

And they walked him through the rain.

When fifteen years expired

Since the day they said “I do,”

They met a world of poverty

And skies were seldom blue,

And sometimes they’d go weeks on end

And not a dollar see,

But when they ate, they said their prayers

They ate as family.

Twenty years and thirty went

And forty passed away

And what was young was wrinkled up

And what was brown turned gray.

The easy things got harder

And the hard things all stayed tough,

But a couple has each other

And for them that was enough.

A hundred years ago today

Two words were said by two

And love that was uncertain then

We now can see was true.

There’s always rain, there’s always fear,

There’s always poverty,

And there will always be two more

To find serenity.

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Both are Mostly Empty…

“Airhead’s an offensive term,”

Said my girlfriend of 30 days.

I said, “Sorry, didn’t know.”

Now I call her “Bag of Lays.”

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For Those Who Missed The Metaphor, The Dragon Is Poverty

The dragon was coming

To Farawayshire

To eat many virgins

And breathe lots of fire.

The lord of the town said

“‘Fraid of dragons we aint,

“For I have procured us

“A fireproof paint!”

And so people painted

The roofs and the walls

Or the houses and stables

And castles and malls

Until the Lord said

With the smallest of sneezes,

“Cease painting at once

“For it causes diseases.”

The paint, it so happened

Did cause minor distress

To persons named Remington,

Fleischmann, and Hess.

Those with such names

Of course caused quite a fuss

While the rest of the town

Wondered, “What about us?

“The dragon is coming!

“How will we survive?

“Sure, a few will be sickened

“But we’ll be alive!”

The mayor just laughed

And he said with a tsk…

“What’s a few teeth and fire

“When our health is at risk?”

And, for some reason, this

Made the citizens calm

And await coming dragons

With nary a qualm.

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Oh No… OH NO!

I wondered what the worst news ever could be

And I finally have an answer:

It’s hearing your wife of 70 years

Tell you she has testicular cancer.

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Why Adults Matter

Life is an X-Rated video game

And we are the gigantic foes

That stop young players from seeing things

Until their character grows.

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If At First You Don’t Succeed…

Eight months ago the plague began

And this is what we did:

We locked the doors and bought TP

And then, for months, we hid.

And when we ate and pooped too much

We ventured out once more,

And so it was the first lockdown

Was written in the lore.

But when the lockdown ended

It seemed the plague had not,

And it was clear the lockdown

Had not a new peace brought.

It hadn’t worked, and so the leaders

Gathered to discuss

What they could say to guarantee

Obedience from us.

What the leaders settled on

Is really rather zen:

“It didn’t work the first time,

“So let’s do the same again!”

And many of the people

Went along without a fight

Because the folks with titles

Told them, “This will make it right.”

Meanwhile, the maskless multitude

Possessing common sense

Said politely, “Thanks, no thanks.”

And thus the world grew tense…

And now a civil war of sorts

‘Tween masked and naked faces

Will not subside regardless of

How numerous the cases.

And all of this could be escaped

If one would simply say

“Do as you will with who you want

“And please respect my way.”

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Intro to International Business

To effectively communicate

Online in Japanese

You must memorize 2,000

Unique symbols called Kanjiis

As well as two whole alphabets

One-hundred seven letters each.

These are the fundamentals

And the first things people teach.

To converse online in English

Is an entirely different tale…

Just memorize the following:

“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”

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Who Sang It Better?

I saw an advertisement

While mountain-climbing with my baby.

She asked, “Should we remove it?”

And I replied with, “Maybe.”

So up we climbed, so happy

And the snow made us reflective,

Until we turned around and looked

With our lenses-corrective

At what we later learned

Was a mass of falling soil

Which depressed me, for I knew my life

Was little more than toil.

In hindsight, I took my love

And I took ad down,

Climbed a mountain

And turned around,

I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill

‘Til a landslide brought me down.

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What Being The Coolest Kid In 3rd Grade Sounds Like

Go-Gurt is yogurt

That’s put in a sleeve.

Here’s a tube of “Away Bro…”

Now why don’t you leave?

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