Tag Archives: Advice

From One Fool To Another

Throughout history there are many stories of comedians, often called “Fools,” who wielded great political influence. These fools were gifted with a rare ability to communicate with idiots, which is why they were so often employed by politicians and autocrats.

Today I write not a poem, but a vague shout into the void. My hope is that, like the fools of old, an idiot will hear it and reconsider their position, if only for an instant; An instant is all gravity needs to move mountains.

A few days ago, two men experienced the worst days of their lives. George Floyd was executed without trial for the crime of cooperating with the police. Derek Chauvin, the executioner, was sentenced to the loss of ignorance and the knowledge of his own corruption.

For several days, numerous greater crimes were committed by those who deserved, but were not blessed with, Chauvin’s fate. These people gathered in cities across the nation to combat violence with violence, to protest an injustice against their neighbor by committing injustices against their neighbors.

I now write as an eager fool a few ideas I’ve pored over for all of 15 minutes in the shower, but consider to be true. If you share these ideals, share this message, that one fool shall join another (a phenomenon we’ve recently witnessed to be incredibly powerful). If you don’t, you have the opportunity to rid this fool of his foolish notions through the unlimited power of anonymous internet commenting.

My ideas are these:

A warrior’s enemy is not an opposing warrior, because their purpose is to create conflict. The warrior’s enemy is the peacemaker.

Hate of one thing does not fear hate of another, because their goals intertwine. Hate fears forgiveness.

A tragedy occurred because of heightened emotion, lack of empathy, abuse of power, and a failure to listen. Let us be the calm, empathetic, powerless listeners that tragedy fears.

You won’t have the satisfaction of feeling outraged. You won’t know the euphoria of feeling right. You won’t be noticed, acknowledged, interviewed, or appreciated…

It’s worth it.

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Prudent Advice Too Often Overlooked By Those Committing Revisionist-History Infanticide

If you went back in time

To kill Hitler as a baby

You probably should consider

That someone else just maybe

Might go back in time again

This time to kill you

‘Cause you’re a time-traveling baby killer

As far as they knew.

That’s why if you ever

Change history somehow

By traveling to the past

To influence the now

I think it’s important

To leave a detailed letter

Explaining how killing babies

Can make the world better.

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Bad Parental Advice

I did something stupid.

They asked “why did you?

“If your parents where lemmings

Would you be one too?”

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Don’t Piss Off A Nurse

If one’s life relies upon

The lungs of an automaton

Prudence dictates to be couth

With the medical attendant youth.

Everything can be made worse

When dealing with a jilted nurse

So to those on life support:

Life’s long unless your temper’s short.

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How To Fail Less

If at first you don’t succeed

Find out who has made it so

Then stab that person ’til they bleed

And on to victory you’ll go.

This strategy has proven good

Historically for folks who are male

But wait! Do it not you should

If you cause yourself to fail.

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51% And Growing

What if, with perfect certainty, you knew how to be good. You

Would have no ills or evils. With this great power would you

Live your life accordingly, an angel we’d admire,

Or is flawless, certain perfection a goal to which you’d not aspire?

Now if perfection weren’t certain and ’twas painful to act well

Would you trade your Earthly pleasure for 50/50 odds of Hell?

Would you suffer every moment if it might bring future joy

Or would you say “be happy now” and make pleasure your toy?

The point that I am making is in our uncertain years

Where our good or evil instincts are affected by our fears

That we might be a villain who believes that we are just

Or perhaps a clumsy angel whose good intent is all a bust.

If you’d be truly evil or would be extremely good

Then here’s a course of action that to take I think you should:

To seek a path of certainty. Through thinking you will find

More often the results you seek are those which you will find

And if another does you wrong seek not to cast your blame

But know that if you thought like him you’d probably do the same.

Hero, villain, victim are alike a future you

So why not think and weight the coin that judges all we do?

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Ye Olde Goode Advice

If at first you don’t succeed

Run away with all due speed

For though thine courage shan’t be praised

From the dead thou needn’t be raised.

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Sorry Salespeople…

No, I don’t want to be famous,

Don’t want to have power or wealth.

I don’t even want to be happy

Or have peace of mind or my health.

I don’t want a house or a garden,

Two kids and a white picket fence.

I’d give up all these and my brainstem

Just to not hear your two-cents!

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Except For Your Desire To Like And Follow This Blog… That’s A Healthy And Natural Desire

Release your expectations,

Let your preconceptions go,

And feel the endless universe

Again begin to flow

And the morons who surround you

And the stupid crap they say

Will be caught in freedom’s current

And finally wash away.

So give up on the must haves,

The shoulds, the oughts, the wants,

Ignore the could-be-betters

And the little human taunts.

Give up on perfection,

On how “great” looks in your mind

And you’ll find new satisfaction

On the blank slate left behind.

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The Quest For Common Sense (And A Wonderful Resource For Those Who Fail It)

I tell this tale and sing this song;

‘Tis neither short nor over long.

It is the tale of whom I met

When towards the darkness off I set.

I ventured to a fright’ning spot,

All at one both cold and hot,

And in its center stood the tree

Of personal responsibility.

And beneath that mighty central birch

I met a figure on its perch,

A lovely human, clean and bright

Yet I stood only half its height.

It spoke to me with radiant voice:

“To you I grant this single choice:

“To leave my grove, still safe and dense

“Or to eat the fruit of common sense.”

I looked again at the dreadful tree

From which grew apples, light and free

And with the hymns of wisdom fair

Filled joyfully the grove’s clean air.

And then I looked beyond the wood

To whence I came. Alas, still stood

Where man and beast were much the same,

Obsessed with power, sex, and fame.

To the glorious figure I did ask

What treachery hid within my task,

What fear and pain accompanied

The fruit of logic and its seed.

“No pain at all,” the figure said

Extending apples, smooth and red.

I knew not what was wrong nor right

But I grabbed the fruit and took a bite.

No longer was the forest bleak.

I couldn’t hide. I needn’t speak.

Where once the darkness clutched my heart

I only saw the world’s true art.

Where once I begged, now I produced.

Where once I guessed, now I deduced.

Where once had stood the figure bright

Now stood a mirror to my sight.

And yet the place from which I came

Sat glumly, still the very same.

I stood in brightness, stared at black,

And knew I never would go back.

So if you wander, wondering

Why you’re not pleased with your new thing,

Why your whole life seems second best

I summon you to join my quest,

To seek out forests rank with fear,

And from them soon there will appear

The brighter, lighter, clearer you

That knows and does what’s right and true,

Who looks at worlds of smog and spite,

Yet does his best and smiles despite.

Eat the fruit and so commence

Your brand new life with common sense!

But if back home you would return,

If common sense you seek to spurn,

If you treat dumbness with aplomb

You’ll find your kin at Facebook.com

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