This poem isn’t very deep
Because I need to fall asleep.
Tomorrow I’ll do it earlier,
Like a man who goes to the gym at 5:00 AM to get burlier.
Tag Archives: Bad
An Old Norse Melody
Odinny boy, the vikes, the vikes are calling
From sea to sea and to Valhalla’s shore.
They’re very drunk, and stock of mead is falling
And so they pray you’ll bless them now with more.
But come ye back when sunlight’s in the meadow
Or when your subjects lounge out on the fjord
And talk to me, future irrev’rant poet
In case you’re done fighting and very, very bjord.
Filed under Poems
First Date Conversations
There once was some rear pelvic part
That emitted the deadliest fart.
The gas from the bowels
Caused the most gruesome howls,
Worse even than most modern art.
Filed under Poems
Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)
Mercury is number one,
Venus is where women are from,
Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,
Jupiter is the color of plum,
Saturn has a bunch of rings,
Uranus is full of gas and things,
Neptune’s famed for icy springs,
And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.
But you probably noticed the dearth
Of a line about the Earth
Because it is devoid of mirth
And is the only planet with Colin Firth.
Filed under Poems
Hi God… Let’s Talk Retcons For A Sec
Every night I go to sleep
After a simple prayer
When I recall the Star Wars sequels
And wish they weren’t there.
Every day when I awake
My wish was not obeyed,
But someday soon we’ll see a world
In which only six were made…
Filed under Poems
I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…
Portable DVD player
Why are you useless?
You should make life easier
But instead cause us stress.
I wish I could shoot you
In the face with a gun
But you don’t even have a face…
Another reason you’re no fun.
I’m writing this ode to you
As a professional IT person
Tries to make you work at all
Yet the situation does still worsen.
You are naughty, bad, and stupid
And a big mean jerk
But I’d rescind those judgements
If you’d just freakin’ work.
A part of me is fearful now
This poem will not end
Because you are our tech enemy
And not our entertainment friend.
Don’t you see the pain you’re causing
Readers of this blog?
All this to watch a DVD…
What a somber slog.
I would skip ahead in time
To tell you how this ends
But if we made a graph of progress
And analyzed the line of trends
I think the universe would end
In heat death before long
So just sing this poem over and over
Like the 99 bottles of beer song.
Filed under Poems
But They Still Need Taxes?
“What comes up must come down”
My teacher told me with a frown,
But here’s a thing that I don’t get:
Why isn’t that true for government debt?
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At Least I Made An Effort This Time?
Every other day it seems
I write a poem good,
And every other day
I say I probably should.
Today I settled in between,
Insofar as it’s eight lines long
And includes some funny words
Like spelunker and dipthong.
Filed under Poems
yrroS toN …yrroS
!sdren …kcab ti daer ot troffe taerg ot oG
ot dediced ohW
uoy a osla saw erehT
.sdrow kcal did eh dnim sih ni esuaceB
sdrawkcab etorw ohw yug a saw ecno erehT
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 