Tag Archives: Bad

At The Butcher

Everybody’s yelling

About Nazis, hate, and Trump

And I’m just giggling to myself

‘Cause somebody said “rump.”

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Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)

I want to talk about the months

And where their names came from.

Please know all of these are true

Even if they sound dumb.

Jan and Ferb Uary

Were brothers who shared a belle.

Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name

But it all ended up pretty well.

March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.

April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.

May is a grammatically better version of “can.”

June’s the month that nobody liked.

July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb

And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.

August was named by a Texan who

In his accent said the words “I guessed.”

September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.

October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.

Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers

But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.

I hope you feel more knowledgable

About months, but you probably don’t.

I hope you share this with your friends

But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.

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Downside? Nazi Riots. Upside? Easy Day For Bad Poetry.

Everyday I seek to write

A really lousy poem

Where life is hard and then the good guys lose,

But today I can be lazy

And write this poem instead

‘Cause my narrative is just Virginia’s news.

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Catholicism Admits Defeat… But They’ll Be Back!

Father Paul, I write to you

Regarding brother Kyle.

He has not been remade anew

So likely you won’t smile:

His dog still fits his Gucci purse,

His favorite color’s aubergine,

His dream’s to be a male nurse,

And all his sentences end with “you know what I mean?”

His moisturizer smells like plum

And adds to his feng shui.

Of this I’m fairly certain:

We didn’t pray the gay away. 

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Or I Could Be A Colonel

I don’t want to be a gastroenterologist.

As a career I vehemently denounce it,

But should fate make me a gastroenterologist

I guess at least I’d learn how to pronounce it.

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Zero Weddings, A Funeral, And A Reasonable Question

This evening we sit

In memory of

A weekend that

We came to love.

‘Twas two days long,

Five days too short.

Why’s there no satisfying

Single player sport?

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Wherein A First-Time Internet Dater Realizes Honesty Is Overrated

I have no ambition,

Motivation, manly vigor.

I have very little money

And just three inches down there.

I wish I were more macho,

Richer, smarter, or just bigger

But your ad said if I’m honest

Then you really couldn’t care.

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