Tag Archives: Bad

Both are Mostly Empty…

“Airhead’s an offensive term,”

Said my girlfriend of 30 days.

I said, “Sorry, didn’t know.”

Now I call her “Bag of Lays.”

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Oh No… OH NO!

I wondered what the worst news ever could be

And I finally have an answer:

It’s hearing your wife of 70 years

Tell you she has testicular cancer.

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Dr. Seuss Writes An Adult Book

All the Whos down in Whoville

Liked warm beds a lot,

But the Grinch north of Whoville

Had but one lukewarm cot.

For a while he was fine,

Sleeping without a care

‘Til he saw Roxxi Whooter

Whose “whos” just weren’t fair.

The Grinch called to Roxxi,

“Yoohoo, you Who! Who

“Are you?” And she answered

“Just the right Who for you.”

And so the two sidled

From the town to the cranny

Where the Grinch made his home.

On his mind? Hootenanny!

At first he was nervous,

But the Grinch got it going

When what once was hidden

Was suddenly showing.

His heart grew six sizes

But that wasn’t all,

For the Grinch had Thing One

And Thing Two, neither small…

A while shortly passed.

After that, one while more…

Not a Who down in Whoville

Got much sleep, that’s for sure.

What had been merely good

Seemed to now be fantastic

Until Roxxi Who asked,

“Will that be cash or plastic?”

Thus went Grinch’s money

And the Grinch’s six sizes.

To the real Dr. Seuss:

This poet apologizes.

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Black Humor?

Leo asked, “Would you like to eat African food?”

We voted, and most voted, “Yea.”

Having said yes, Leo said, “Then I guess

“You and Africans feel the same way.”

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Religious Dilemmas

When a Catholic priest goes bad

And wants a little boy

He calls the kid by asking

“You want to have a toy?”

When a Rabbi gets the urge

To get a boy that way

He says, “You want to have a toy?

“If so, you gotta pay!”

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Based on a True Story

She said, “I love your belly fat,

“Your slightly crooked nose,

“Your creepily short fingers

“And your eerily long toes.

“I love your balding forehead

“And your lazy eye as well.”

I said, “Thanks, but all that stuff

“Is nothing next to my smell.”

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When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order

Dab and Deb were walking

To meet up with Dib and Dob.

(Dub was nowhere to be seen).

Then Dab began to sob.

The first sentence is the beginning

And the third one is the ending.

Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”

Now wasn’t that mind-bending?

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This Poem Rhymes If Your Accent Is Creative Enough

There once was an American skier

Who fell off a Canadian pier.

He yelled, “I broke my foot!”

Some bystanders asked, “What?”

Then one said, “Oh! His one-third of a meter!”

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…Ya Know?

Chevy is the At&T of cars.

Polos are the Taylor Swift of shirts.

Venus is the Uranus of Mars.

Shorts are the frozen waffles of skirts.

Mondays are the Youtube ads of time.

The Bachelor is the store-brand Cheerios of salt.

Chihuahuas are the poet’s salary of crime.

If you don’t get these metaphors that’s not my fault.

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A Blue-Blooded Joke for a Red-Blooded Folk

Of terrible jokes

This is but one of a myriad:

Both Picasso and the Princess

Have had a blue period.

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