Tag Archives: Bad

Not Quite A Heartache

I heard him tell her “You’re breathtaking,”

And I thought “That’s nice, isn’t it.”

Then I realized it was a guy with a lisp

Who just punched his wife on the tit.

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Hao Chow Dong?

Chinese chicks are selfish

When it comes to bedroom acts.

You may not, at first, believe me

So I come equipped with facts:

Their zodiac has animals

Like Rabbit, Dog, and Ox.

Missing (eaten) is the Pussycat.

Still present are the Cocks.

The Beaver’s been devoured

But not the Dragon or the Snake.

It seems most Fish and Birds get eaten,

But hey! That’s just my take…

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EA Poems

There once was a small stoic duck

Who, alas, had run out of luck.

But he soon hatched a plan

And oh boy and oh man!

Unlock the punchline here.

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It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes

Yesterday I wrote two poems.

I feel like a dunce.

I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)

But it got published at once.

Because of my mistake that day

You must hear me now annunc…

Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless

And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”

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This Is Probably Sexist…

Science has concluded

That for most life on earth

The number of penises you have

Is inversely correlated with your odds of giving birth.

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Now That’s A Team That’s Cooking With Gas

Vikings killed a lot of folks;

Bears and lions too.

Warriors kill a lot of folks

‘Cause that’s just what they do.

Tigers, dolphins, bulldogs, eagles

Kill lots of stuff, and yet

No high school that I know of

Has picked a Hitler mascot yet.

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Cautionary Tale

A visitor had phone sex

With a couple of hotel maids.

He thought he couldn’t get an STD

But now he has hearing aids.

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