When a guy goes to prison
He calls up his wife
And says, “Though I’m in here
“For 15 to life
“I want you to hold off
“From having sex with other guys.”
His wife says “You too,”
Because she’s just that wise.
Tag Archives: Bad
“Write A Poem With Silver And Orange… You Can’t”
All that is gold does not glitter;
All that is green does not grow;
But all that is orange and all that is silver
Will not have an easy rhyme though.
Filed under Poems
Not All Mentors Are Created Equal
Spring chicken, tell me what you see
Beyond the veil of this unyielding world?
It is a strange thing, to be sure,
And I’m not sure I understand it
In my mind or heart
But still I trust, for I asked and you answered
“Puckaaaawwwwww!”
I shall strive to live by those words.
Filed under Poems
The Birds and the Seas
If you are a whale
Your parents probably sing
About how to safely do
The reproduction thing.
If you are a shark instead
The learning that’s essential
Is that some biting might be fun
As long as you are gentle.
If you’re in a school of fish
You’ll probably be fine
Unless you can puke out your guts
And your skin is covered in spines
Because if you’re the sea cucumber
It is my belief
You’re in a bit of danger
When teenage whales need relief…
Filed under Poems
The Same Logic Applies To “Housewife,” “Life Partner,” and “Money”
I am a homeless student
Who’s unemployed so, knock on wood,
I won’t have any homework
So I guess my life is good.
Filed under Poems
Pimento Control Now!
He was black, surrounded by brothers,
Unarmed and defenseless
When a white man came by
To perform something senseless:
The poor black was gutted
And served on a platter
With mediterranean food.
#BlackOlivesMatter
Filed under Poems
But Seriously…
At 10:22 in the morning
I think of naught but bliss,
But at 10:22 PM
I think of stuff like this:
If the number of pedophiles goes up
And so do most kids’ weight
I wonder why we haven’t seen
More strong people of late?
Filed under Poems
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
Dear Oldest Child:
Sometimes when mommy’s frisky
And dad’s not watching porn
They send you on a playdate
And another kid is born.
This new kid is a baby,
Just a lump of hungry fat
That cries and poops and sleeps a lot
And not much more than that.
Luckily for the species
But not luckily for you
That baby will get bigger
And eventually turn two.
At this point, the parents
Who loved you when you were little
Will downgrade you, unknowingly,
To the meanest second fiddle.
They’ll love all over new kid
Because, sadly, the fact is
As the oldest child you are
The one on which they’ll practice.
You will need to get straight A’s…
New kid will soar on C’s.
You will beg for any love…
New kid will just say “please.”
Yes, this seems unfair to you
But someday you will see
That this kid turns invisible
When mom has baby 3.
Filed under Poems
Remember 2009? Good Times!
It’s been 6 months since Trump got out
And despite the recent talks
Of hyperinflation, unemployment,
A border crisis, plunging stocks,
A gas pipeline disaster,
Covid deaths yet unabated,
And all the buildings burnt to ash
By those who “demonstrated”
We can all be thankful
That our country’s back on track.
In other news: Pot charged with hate speech
For calling Kettle black.
Filed under Poems
