Tag Archives: Bad

Based On Actual Song Lyrics

Doowop, doowop.

Doowop bebop shadooby.

Wicky-wicky, chicka-chicka,

Doowoppa scooby dooby.

Boobop, baddop,

Badoppawop pizazz!

If you think this poem’s stupid

Then you REALLY must hate jazz.

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A Depends-able Workers

My boss said I’m incompetent

Because I visit the bathroom a lot.

Then I developed incontinence

And now visit that room I do not.

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It’s My Birthday, So You HAVE To Like The Post

Today is the day if my birth,

When I first breathed the air of the Earth.

Because of my exodus

From my mom’s uterus

I now create poems with mirth.

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Sometimes The Punchlines Just Don’t Come… But The Rhyme Scheme Is Different So Shut Up (Love Y’all)

I’ve never owned a yacht, believe it or not

Nor bought a car (at least so far),

Never found a bike I like

Or used my brain to get a plane,

So when I decide to buy

A helicopter, I’ll adopt ‘er.

That way I can still say

I never resort to pay for transport.

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NEVER End A Line With “Buck”

Another evening passes

Like methane from our asses,

Like the motorist that passes

Bicyclists, slow as molasses.

It passes like a buck

And the fact that I wrote buck

Means I’ll spare you from future rhymes

Because you already get the analogy.

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Fair Retails Before Bed

Once there was a tired gent.

To bed went he; To sleep he went.

The other folks said “Mama Mia!”

For the bed he went was in Ikea.

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Another Cow Poem

Jared was still very small

When he saw cattle fall

Into a slumber, fast and deep.

With no reason or rhyme

Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”

And so Jared went home and fell asleep.

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Just Wait ‘Til He Learns They Eat Cat In China

Jared was a little dude

From Syracuse, New York

Who used to think his favorite meat

Was barbecue pulled pork.

Then he came upon a crowd

Of masturbating cattle

And now he says Beef strokin’ off

Has won the “best meat” battle.

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She-Hulk, Attorney At Law

What if we made a TV show

For people who love manly heroes

That starred a green, feminist lawyer

And had a budget with multiple zeroes

Who lectures the characters we know and love

And faces no relevant threats?

Oh, and let’s call our core audience ‘bigots’

And see how many millions it nets!

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Why Some Plants Go Extinct

“Anybody want some peas?”

Everyone said yes.

“Anyone want pewps?”

Perhaps next year, I guess…

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