Tag Archives: Bad

Even If Big Eddie Says “I’ll Snuggle You After”

When a guy goes to prison

He calls up his wife

And says, “Though I’m in here

“For 15 to life

“I want you to hold off

“From having sex with other guys.”

His wife says “You too,”

Because she’s just that wise.

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“Write A Poem With Silver And Orange… You Can’t”

All that is gold does not glitter;

All that is green does not grow;

But all that is orange and all that is silver

Will not have an easy rhyme though.

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Not All Mentors Are Created Equal

Spring chicken, tell me what you see

Beyond the veil of this unyielding world?

It is a strange thing, to be sure,

And I’m not sure I understand it

In my mind or heart

But still I trust, for I asked and you answered

“Puckaaaawwwwww!”

I shall strive to live by those words.

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The Birds and the Seas

If you are a whale

Your parents probably sing

About how to safely do

The reproduction thing.

If you are a shark instead

The learning that’s essential

Is that some biting might be fun

As long as you are gentle.

If you’re in a school of fish

You’ll probably be fine

Unless you can puke out your guts

And your skin is covered in spines

Because if you’re the sea cucumber

It is my belief

You’re in a bit of danger

When teenage whales need relief…

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The Same Logic Applies To “Housewife,” “Life Partner,” and “Money”

I am a homeless student

Who’s unemployed so, knock on wood,

I won’t have any homework

So I guess my life is good.

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Pimento Control Now!

He was black, surrounded by brothers,

Unarmed and defenseless

When a white man came by

To perform something senseless:

The poor black was gutted

And served on a platter

With mediterranean food.

#BlackOlivesMatter

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But Seriously…

At 10:22 in the morning

I think of naught but bliss,

But at 10:22 PM

I think of stuff like this:

If the number of pedophiles goes up

And so do most kids’ weight

I wonder why we haven’t seen

More strong people of late?

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Mistakes Have Been Made

You say you were gloomy,

For quite a long span

When you were a woman

In need of a man.

You say you were sad,

But that’s nothing but talk.

Think of fish without bicycles

Who instead had to walk!

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Dear Oldest Child:

Sometimes when mommy’s frisky

And dad’s not watching porn

They send you on a playdate

And another kid is born.

This new kid is a baby,

Just a lump of hungry fat

That cries and poops and sleeps a lot

And not much more than that.

Luckily for the species

But not luckily for you

That baby will get bigger

And eventually turn two.

At this point, the parents

Who loved you when you were little

Will downgrade you, unknowingly,

To the meanest second fiddle.

They’ll love all over new kid

Because, sadly, the fact is

As the oldest child you are

The one on which they’ll practice.

You will need to get straight A’s…

New kid will soar on C’s.

You will beg for any love…

New kid will just say “please.”

Yes, this seems unfair to you

But someday you will see

That this kid turns invisible

When mom has baby 3.

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Remember 2009? Good Times!

It’s been 6 months since Trump got out

And despite the recent talks

Of hyperinflation, unemployment,

A border crisis, plunging stocks,

A gas pipeline disaster,

Covid deaths yet unabated,

And all the buildings burnt to ash

By those who “demonstrated”

We can all be thankful

That our country’s back on track.

In other news: Pot charged with hate speech

For calling Kettle black.

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