Tag Archives: Bad

When You Trade Favors For Food Stamps

I tried to find a sugar momma

But nobody has money in da hood.

I settled for a sweet ‘n low cousin

And I’m her splenda baby. It’s all good.

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Watch Out

I saw a sign while driving home

That said “Watch for Children At Play.”

Although inconvenient to not know the time

I made the trade anyway.

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She Did Not Laugh Throatily

She asked me for a diamond necklace.

I gave her a diamond whose shoulders touch its head.

She asked me for a diamond necklace

But I gave her a diamond neckless instead.

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Trouble In Baltimore

My child asked me this morning

“If hitting is bad,

“How come people hit baseballs?”

Then he flew away.

I later discovered

He was not my child at all.

It was an oriole in disguise.

His sudden aversion to hitting

Makes sense now.

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Life’s Hard Questions

If you gave a guy from Zimbabwe

A billion dollars cash

He could buy a whole lot of cattle

And a man with a lot of cattle is rich,

But if you give an American guy

A billion dollars worth of cattle

He can send his enemies cow poop

For the rest of his life,

So who’s the real winner?

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Guess Which One Is Double-Majoring In Sociology?

I said “I’m learning Spanish

“‘Cause I fear soon it will be vital.”

She said “I’m learning Japanese

“To watch anime without subtitles.”

He said “I’m learning German

“Because I hate punctuation.”

Zhe said “I’m learning Gaelic

“Cause I’m a man who wants to experience menstruation.”

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The Other Primary Color

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

And yellow’s just like

“Wut dawg? U trippin’ bro?

“Violets are fuckin’ purple,

“And just ’cause I don’t rhyme easily

“Y’all just acting like dandelions and sunflowers and poppies and buttercups and, oh yeah yellow roses, don’t exist?

“Naw dawg, whatever. I’m out.”

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