“Airhead’s an offensive term,”
Said my girlfriend of 30 days.
I said, “Sorry, didn’t know.”
Now I call her “Bag of Lays.”
Tag Archives: Bad
Oh No… OH NO!
I wondered what the worst news ever could be
And I finally have an answer:
It’s hearing your wife of 70 years
Tell you she has testicular cancer.
Filed under Poems
Dr. Seuss Writes An Adult Book
All the Whos down in Whoville
Liked warm beds a lot,
But the Grinch north of Whoville
Had but one lukewarm cot.
For a while he was fine,
Sleeping without a care
‘Til he saw Roxxi Whooter
Whose “whos” just weren’t fair.
The Grinch called to Roxxi,
“Yoohoo, you Who! Who
“Are you?” And she answered
“Just the right Who for you.”
And so the two sidled
From the town to the cranny
Where the Grinch made his home.
On his mind? Hootenanny!
At first he was nervous,
But the Grinch got it going
When what once was hidden
Was suddenly showing.
His heart grew six sizes
But that wasn’t all,
For the Grinch had Thing One
And Thing Two, neither small…
A while shortly passed.
After that, one while more…
Not a Who down in Whoville
Got much sleep, that’s for sure.
What had been merely good
Seemed to now be fantastic
Until Roxxi Who asked,
“Will that be cash or plastic?”
Thus went Grinch’s money
And the Grinch’s six sizes.
To the real Dr. Seuss:
This poet apologizes.
Filed under Poems
Black Humor?
Leo asked, “Would you like to eat African food?”
We voted, and most voted, “Yea.”
Having said yes, Leo said, “Then I guess
“You and Africans feel the same way.”
Filed under Poems
Religious Dilemmas
When a Catholic priest goes bad
And wants a little boy
He calls the kid by asking
“You want to have a toy?”
When a Rabbi gets the urge
To get a boy that way
He says, “You want to have a toy?
“If so, you gotta pay!”
Filed under Poems
Based on a True Story
She said, “I love your belly fat,
“Your slightly crooked nose,
“Your creepily short fingers
“And your eerily long toes.
“I love your balding forehead
“And your lazy eye as well.”
I said, “Thanks, but all that stuff
“Is nothing next to my smell.”
Filed under Poems
When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order
Dab and Deb were walking
To meet up with Dib and Dob.
(Dub was nowhere to be seen).
Then Dab began to sob.
The first sentence is the beginning
And the third one is the ending.
Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”
Now wasn’t that mind-bending?
Filed under Poems
This Poem Rhymes If Your Accent Is Creative Enough
There once was an American skier
Who fell off a Canadian pier.
He yelled, “I broke my foot!”
Some bystanders asked, “What?”
Then one said, “Oh! His one-third of a meter!”
Filed under Poems
A Blue-Blooded Joke for a Red-Blooded Folk
Of terrible jokes
This is but one of a myriad:
Both Picasso and the Princess
Have had a blue period.
Filed under Poems
