If you’re tired of Trump
Then make the jump
To sunny Venezuela!
There you can shirk
And do no work
And the socialist state will pay ya!
You’ll save so much money
It isn’t funny
‘Cause there’s nothing for sale to buy
So if you bite your thumb
‘Cause there’s no food to bum
You can tell South America “hi.”
Filed under Poems
Those who take the roles
Of conducting political polls
Should receive an MD
In proctology
For their research in helping assholes.
Filed under Poems
A dozen roses can show your love
If flowers are what your love adores
But if you send a Rose Tico
You might accidentally kill Star Wars.
Filed under Poems
There once was a musclebound maverick
Who lived on a houseboat back east
Whose hobby was arm-wrestling pythons
And whose fingers’ tattoos spelled out “B.E.A.S.T.”
A menace that threatened America
Made the president call him to arms.
Then there was a gratuitous explosion
And a lot of red flashing alarms.
So Maverick emerged from retirement,
Shook hands with some buddies from ‘Nam
Then one more gratuitous explosion
This time from a nuclear bomb.
A scantily clad 20-something
Kissed Maverick and gave him a knife
After which he confronted the menace,
There was a gratuitous explosion…
Thus endeth the big bad guy’s life.
Somewhere in there’s a Bugatti
And a shirtless training montage.
You might think this doesn’t make sense,
Thus explosions and décolletage.
Filed under Poems
There’s a billion folks in poverty.
A billion more are sick.
Every day a million innocents
Will fall for dirty tricks.
Homeless folks are freezing
And millions have no food
But you made a cross at halftime
So I’ve got you, football dude!
Filed under Poems
As Booth did to Lincoln
And school did to fun
I fear that to music
Will quite soon be done.
If you flip the radio
(Or whichever app’s in now)
You’ll find to enunciate
Is practically sin now.
To play any chords
Besides 1, 5, 6, and 4
Makes the average listener
Call such songs a snore
And no matter the genre
You will find bits of rap.
Yes I fear that all music
Will soon become crap.
Is there a solution
To pop music’s decline?
If so, leave a comment.
If not, I’ll just whine.
Filed under Poems
He inspired T-Pain’s voice
And Kristen Stewart’s face.
He inspired the customer service line
For JPMorgan Chase.
He’s inspired Chuck Norris’s costars
And how my face looks when I kiss.
He inspired Kaepernick’s anthem quote:
“I will not stand for this.”
——————————————————–
Stephen Hawking read a book
About how to improve his look.
A little rouge and some eyeliner…
He was a brief history of sublimer!
——————————————————–
If Stephen Hawking gained some weight
And higher mass increases gravitational pull
Would fat Stephen Hawking be more attractive?
(And you thought physics was dull)!
——————————————————–
Stephen Hawking lit himself on fire
To experience how burning feels.
He gained a greater understanding
And a new nickname: Hot Wheels
Filed under Poems
