Tag Archives: Bad

When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order

Dab and Deb were walking

To meet up with Dib and Dob.

(Dub was nowhere to be seen).

Then Dab began to sob.

The first sentence is the beginning

And the third one is the ending.

Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”

Now wasn’t that mind-bending?

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This Poem Rhymes If Your Accent Is Creative Enough

There once was an American skier

Who fell off a Canadian pier.

He yelled, “I broke my foot!”

Some bystanders asked, “What?”

Then one said, “Oh! His one-third of a meter!”

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…Ya Know?

Chevy is the At&T of cars.

Polos are the Taylor Swift of shirts.

Venus is the Uranus of Mars.

Shorts are the frozen waffles of skirts.

Mondays are the Youtube ads of time.

The Bachelor is the store-brand Cheerios of salt.

Chihuahuas are the poet’s salary of crime.

If you don’t get these metaphors that’s not my fault.

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A Blue-Blooded Joke for a Red-Blooded Folk

Of terrible jokes

This is but one of a myriad:

Both Picasso and the Princess

Have had a blue period.

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We Are Never Ever Ever… Sending You Another Letter!

I got a letter in the mail

From a Jehovah’s Witness

Which explained God’s will to me

And wished me mental fitness.

It told me, “God is watching

“And he’s offering you a lift,”

And yet I’ve seen no news

About the death of Taylor Swift…

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Of Birds and… Other Stuff

The sun was a brilliant scarlet

Upon the rustling brush,

Redder than a hemorrhoid

Who’s asking out its crush.

Within the brush are little jays,

Their feathers dark and blue

Much like the mood experienced

When one eats eyeball stew.

The birds were eating insects

So tiny and so green

Like little child soldiers

Or polytetrafluoroethylene.

The birds, thus having eaten

Flew off to sunset orange.

Alas, this leaves no conclusive rhyme

But judging by the imagery of previous examples, I doubt you’re disappointed.

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Even Imminent Death Has Standards

I like you

Like a hairdryer loves a bath,

Like an ax loves a tree,

Like GPAs love math,

Like Clintons love snitches,

Like Windows likes working,

But I still think it’s weird

Netflix likes children twerking.

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Greetings! Just Kidding… Spanish Lemon

He came to the comedian’s house

And said, “Gimme water, yo!”

I handed him a glass of hijklmno

Or, as some call it, H2O.

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Do I *Detect* A Garment That Doesn’t Fit… That’s Unsuitable

Geico has a gecko,

Aflac has a duck,

But my insurance company

Has no such mascot luck,

So instead of selling policies

I’ll be a stock-market trader

With a well-dressed crocodile mascot

Called the Investi-Gator.

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Also… It’s 7:56

If this were a job

It might get me fired

But this poem’s crap

‘Cause it’s late and I’m tired.

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