Tag Archives: Bad

Yeah… No Comment

This poem isn’t very deep

Because I need to fall asleep.

Tomorrow I’ll do it earlier,

Like a man who goes to the gym at 5:00 AM to get burlier.

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An Old Norse Melody

Odinny boy, the vikes, the vikes are calling

From sea to sea and to Valhalla’s shore.

They’re very drunk, and stock of mead is falling

And so they pray you’ll bless them now with more.

But come ye back when sunlight’s in the meadow

Or when your subjects lounge out on the fjord

And talk to me, future irrev’rant poet

In case you’re done fighting and very, very bjord.

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First Date Conversations

There once was some rear pelvic part

That emitted the deadliest fart.

The gas from the bowels

Caused the most gruesome howls,

Worse even than most modern art.

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Evening Haikus

Nightfall comes upon

My body. It’s dark and long…

But no homo, ‘kay?

——————————————

Everything is dark,

Quiet, calm, the world at peace.

Then I stub my toe…

———————————————

I should be asleep

But instead I’m writing jokes

About dicks and pain.

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Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)

Mercury is number one,

Venus is where women are from,

Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,

Jupiter is the color of plum,

Saturn has a bunch of rings,

Uranus is full of gas and things,

Neptune’s famed for icy springs,

And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.

But you probably noticed the dearth

Of a line about the Earth

Because it is devoid of mirth

And is the only planet with Colin Firth.

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Hi God… Let’s Talk Retcons For A Sec

Every night I go to sleep

After a simple prayer

When I recall the Star Wars sequels

And wish they weren’t there.

Every day when I awake

My wish was not obeyed,

But someday soon we’ll see a world

In which only six were made…

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I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…

Portable DVD player

Why are you useless?

You should make life easier

But instead cause us stress.

I wish I could shoot you

In the face with a gun

But you don’t even have a face…

Another reason you’re no fun.

I’m writing this ode to you

As a professional IT person

Tries to make you work at all

Yet the situation does still worsen.

You are naughty, bad, and stupid

And a big mean jerk

But I’d rescind those judgements

If you’d just freakin’ work.

A part of me is fearful now

This poem will not end

Because you are our tech enemy

And not our entertainment friend.

Don’t you see the pain you’re causing

Readers of this blog?

All this to watch a DVD…

What a somber slog.

I would skip ahead in time

To tell you how this ends

But if we made a graph of progress

And analyzed the line of trends

I think the universe would end

In heat death before long

So just sing this poem over and over

Like the 99 bottles of beer song.

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But They Still Need Taxes?

“What comes up must come down”

My teacher told me with a frown,

But here’s a thing that I don’t get:

Why isn’t that true for government debt?

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At Least I Made An Effort This Time?

Every other day it seems

I write a poem good,

And every other day

I say I probably should.

Today I settled in between,

Insofar as it’s eight lines long

And includes some funny words

Like spelunker and dipthong.

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yrroS toN …yrroS

!sdren …kcab ti daer ot troffe taerg ot oG

ot dediced ohW

uoy a osla saw erehT

.sdrow kcal did eh dnim sih ni esuaceB

sdrawkcab etorw ohw yug a saw ecno erehT

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