Tag Archives: Bad

Three Stupid Little Poems That You May Or May Not Enjoy

“Tough Stough”

They’re was once a person

Who said that life is though.

I think life was thougher for him

Because he was dumb, yo.

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“Follow Your Dreams”

It’s hard being a teenage mom.

I’m really not a fan,

But I think I have it harder

Given I’m a middle-aged man.

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“Find Yourself”

Iodine fluorine

Yttrium ununoctium

Calcium nitrogen

Rhenium astatine

Thorium iodine sulfur

Yttrium ununoctium

Argon rhenium

Uranium neodysium erbium

Tungsten oxygen krypton dysprosium oxygen

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Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!

When one says “I must be dreaming”

(Implying you’re something they snoozed)

You should slap them with a chicken

Just to make them more confused.

An alligator also works

But they’re tougher to hide.

Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic

I find it’s best to stay inside.

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Two Keys To A Happy Mind

When you think about anything

It becomes weird,

Like why can’t tigers

Grow a beard,

Why would someone join

An introverts group,

And who first thought

“He’s a nincompoop?”

And eventually you will find

The answers are one of these

“Probably reasons I don’t get”

Or “Screw it! More chocolate please.”

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…Or Is It An Untapped Business Opportunity?

If you are an amputee

Does your erotic preference change

To match your physicality,

Or is my asking that just strange?

The reason that I ask

Is that I want to get

The web domain StumpHump.com…

Is that something I may regret?

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Perhaps The Most Elaborate Pun Yet…

I want a sci-fi movie

With a lisping protagonist

Who steals bladed weapons

From a man who reshaped a board.

The reason why is simply

I want them to beat the antagonist

Not with a light saber

But with a lather’s sword.

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Hauling You

I said your boyfriend’s got

A hell of an ass.

You said he’s an amputee.

I said I meant

The ass on his arm.

Now you aren’t friends with me.

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Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)

Some Americans on food stamps

Are demanding food for pets,

‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”

I say cut the stamps

And let Lady eat the tramps…

Save money and kill two birds with one stone!

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