Her smile was wide as a toothpick
And her face glowed like a new moon
When she opened my birthday gift
And discovered I’d given her a spoon.
Her words were clean as a dumpster,
Thanking me like a wrecking ball.
For the next few weeks we had sex like mushrooms,
By which I mean no sex at all.
But I think she still loves me regardless
And I’m still in love with my wife.
But both of us are happy as clams that
I chose not to buy her a knife.
The Daily Travesty 