Tag Archives: Love

Post First-Date Form Letter V 1.0

In fair Verona, long ago

Lived fair Juliet and her Romeo,

Two kids who, about each other, raved

And whom better communication skills could have saved.

For in a land where alchemists

Can make you look dead if your parents are pissed

Informing your partner of your choice to partake

In such a substance is a wise choice to make,

But neh! Knowing better, the 15 year old

Pair of lovers thought the others needn’t be told.

And thus was a theatrical masterpiece born

To suffice in an era with no access to porn.

This is why I didn’t call;

I just want our love to conquer all.

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Advice Is Appreciated

Don’t want to marry just some girl.

I’m looking for a wholesome girl.

A girl whose lack of cleavage

Warms my big platonic heart.

A girl who thinks that working’s

Not synonymous with twerking.

A girl who skips the bar

Because she wants to look at art.

I want to find a happy lass

Who doesn’t want to shake her ass,

Who goes to church on Sundays

And buys ice cream from a truck,

Who’s pure and chaste and sweet

And, instead of “lit,” says “neat.”

But I also want Beyonce,

So I’m feeling kinda stuck…

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Dear Fellow Drivers, Stanzas 1-3 of 666

I love you

Like I love early mornings,

Like the smell of microwaveable cuisine,

Like a secondhand q-tip,

Like stainable steel,

Like the dry-mouth aftertaste of human spleen.

I love you

Like Jew’s love the early 40’s,

Like nudists love Alaskan Winter nights.

I love you like a river

Loves the absence of nearby bathrooms,

Like Congress loves supporting individual rights.

I love you

Like Chris Brown loves Rihanna,

Like hot girls like short, polite, low-income men.

I love you

Like babies like international flights,

Like when your cellmate winks and  says “hey babe, I’m Ben.” 


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Breaking Up Is Easy To Do

May I compare thee

To a big slab of meat:

Not too tricky to buy,

Satisfying to eat.

…Apparently not!

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Dilemmas Of Modern Romance… Yet Another True Story

As a person young

In age and heart

The search for love is,

In my life, a part.

But amidst all the boasting,

The flirting, the pink

There come candid answers

That force you to think:

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Passions and Priorities

What longings, cravings

Of the heart

Cannot be satisfied

By walking, strolling

‘Neath Springtime’s sun

With both eyes open wide?

What joys, what pleasures

Known to man

Cannot be thus attained?

For sunshine, brightness


Make life’s sweetness sustained.

The nymph’s, the angel’s
Coats are shed,

Replaced by skirts and skin.

Such heat, desire

In humid air

Invite the males in.

And men, Adonis

In their minds

Accept the season’s gifts.

Like thermals, doves

Nature collides.

Winter’s tyranny so lifts.

Neath cloudless, flawless

April skies

The hedonist may bloom.

But dark, but stuffy

Basement youth

Focus on playing “Doom.”

And wonders, magic,

Even heaven

Dance about for humankind,

But fragging! Headshots!

Despite marvels missed

We introverts don’t mind.

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It Sounded Better In My Head

Here eyes were like flowers

In April’s sweet bloom,

Like a tropical bird

Viewed through 8x digital zoom,

Like tiny galaxies

Filled by the purest of bliss.

This was a chance

Which I just couldn’t miss.

And so I approached her,

Her eyes locked with mine.

I said “Hi! I’m David.”

She said “I’m Caroline.”

I said “your eyes are wondrous.

“They belong in a museum!”

My court date’s this Friday

If you want to come see ’em.

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