My lady likes a hairy man
Who eats his food straight from a can,
Walks silently around the house
And saved her from a wild mouse.
Her dream guy sleeps both long and hard.
Around him she lets down her guard.
He can snuggle up at night
And make the whole world feel alright.
She likes the feeling of his tongue,
Not worried he’s no longer young.
The only worry I have is that
Is this guy me, or is it her cat?
Filed under Poems
I love you
With all my heart,
Like hobos love
A shopping cart,
Like children laugh
When people fart,
When we are near
Or far apart.
Filed under Poems
I took a nap and pet a cat
And read a book and brushed a horse
And now I write a poem about that
That’s precisely eight lines long, of course.
Some days you will stress and struggle;
Some days you’ll complain and whine.
Today I smiled and chose to snuggle
A ginger angel, mine all mine.
Filed under Poems
Tonight I was abducted
By a girl with rosy hair
And forced into abiding love
Of depth both fine and rare.
She’s brushing her teeth now
And I’m trying to write this fast.
(This wasn’t my first “my girl’s here” poem
And it surely won’t be my last).
Filed under Poems
I love how ordinary days
Can set my heart alight.
I love the normal, glorious ways
Your face can glow so bright,
How just to fall asleep with you
Makes my entire week
And how many ways we say “I love you”
With eyes and blushing cheeks.
I’m glad I make you feel safe
When life just isn’t fair.
My heart is yours and much more full
Than my poor head of hair.
Filed under Poems
Once in a while you meet someone nice,
And once a year someone ideal,
But once in a lifetime you might meet a person
Who’s someone entirely real;
Who burps like a hippo and sleeps like a kitten
With hair that demands that you pet it;
They’ll go out of their way to buy baby corn
Though it took them two Safeways to get it.
Sometimes that person is one of a kind,
Someone faithful and honest and true,
And your only job is forgetting to doubt
That their perfect partner is you.
Filed under Poems
It rises like a mountain,
Slopes gently like a hill,
Softer than a lullaby
And gives me such a thrill;
A spectacle, a marvel,
And my mouth will never shut
As I gaze with loving splendor
On my girl’s majestic butt.
Filed under Poems
In almost every fairy tale
Before Disney went woke
Someone would be destitute…
Good-looking, yes, but broke.
Someone else would come along
And always do what’s right
And the two of them would marry
And ride off into the night.
The question that arises
But that Disney still ignores
Is how “Happily ever after”
Can coexist with chores,
How princesses and monsters
And kings and queens and knights
Can say that they are happy
Despite their many fights,
That life keeps getting in their way
And still they smile on,
Breathing fire in the evening
Yet they’re safe again at dawn.
These fairy tales could have said
“And from then on the chose
“Always to be partners
“Even when they felt like foes.”
But instead, soon I suspect
Disney will say “Though rage
“Occasionally dampened their spirits,
“They were saved by a higher minimum wage.”
Filed under Poems
Strawberry girl who smiled at me,
I can’t help but wonder who it is you see.
Is it a ghost? In your heart I haunt
With illusory promise of all that you want;
Or is it a man who won’t stop the fight
To find you? Which one of us brings you delight?
Strawberry girl who gave me a kiss,
When we’re apart which me do you miss?
Is it the thought of the way that you feel
Like each moment we are is too sweet to be real;
Or is it the man protecting the bruise
Someone left on his heart? Which me will you choose?
Strawberry girl who held me one day,
I will be your man, whether mortal or fey;
A dream or a person, a prayer or a mind;
Someone to be cherished or else left behind.
You are a woman, but also a thought,
And I’ll be your man whether you’re here or not.
Filed under Poems
I hope you sleep well dear,
All warm in your bed
With the stars softly kissing
The back of your head,
And the darkness and quiet
And peace coalesce
To relieve you of burdens
And release you from stress.
I hope you are carried
By angels of dreams
To a land of soft mountains
And limerent streams
So that when you awaken
Refreshed and renewed
You’ll finally cook me
Some half decent food!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 