Tag Archives: Love

Nostalgia For Days Less Wordy

I am a man who’s mostly fluent

In most things some call “incongruent.”

If you don’t swallow, you shall spewn’t.

Also, I’m not Clyde.

I hope the intro set the scene

For me to tell you what has been;

This time’s the time I met my queen,

My once and future bride.

My eyes fell softly on the wench

Who sat backwards upon a bench,

Talking to a crescent wrench

About which bands were good.

I asked the lady, “How be it

“That you who speak to hardware sit

“With legs ensconced, I do admit,

“Within that bench of wood?”

She did not reply at first,

For my manners were near the worst,

And I, my oversight, then cursed

And then addressed the tool.

Now seeing that I understood,

She said “I’m trapped within the wood

“Because I wondered if I could.”

Now I felt like a fool

And so I left her trapped within

The bench where didst our tale begin,

For sitting backwards is no sin

But merely hard to grasp.

She’s still my queen and future bride,

For I speak truth and have not lied.

When she is free, and bathed beside,

Her body I will clasp.

For who better to share a life,

Who better to be made a wife,

Than one, though trapped, can feel no strife

Though physics she has broken?

And who, from her odd point of view

Can feel a love so strong and true

Than not Clyde, whose hair isn’t blue,

Who made her heart awoken?

This tale has a moral, yes,

So close your eyes and take a guess.

Your eyes are closed… how read you this?

Anyway, I boast

That this here incongruent verse

Tells you, dear reader, of my curse

And that there are things so much worse

Than a lazy, four-line post.

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Faith, Hope, and Love

Faith, hope, and love are good things He gave us,

From His bright temple so high up above,

Hoping that our faith in Him would show us

That the greatest of these many is love.

I’ve met women named both Faith and Hope though

And hoped to find a faithful love with them,

And hope for Hope and faith in Faith did grow

Though faithful love I hoped for would not stem.

But sometimes for what you hope and you pray

Are not what faith intended at that hour;

Sometimes what seems like hope misplaced may say

That patience can be full of wondrous power.

So here I am, my faith tested before

Still hopes your love is still worth hoping for.

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My Date Went Okay

I said, “Girl, you are fine.”

She said, “Boy, you’re adequate.”

After that things went alright

And basically, well, that was it.

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It’s Not The Size… It’s The Personality

Here’s to all the porcupines

Who smile from behind their spines.

How they reproduce may you-befuddle,

As might how, afterwards, they cuddle.

One thing that I know for certain

Is neither partner ends up hurtin’

Which is more than I can say

For every woman I’ve had. Yay!

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Six Feet Apart

I saw you in your sweatpants

And your Hello Kitty mask.

Yours was the sort of presence

In which a man might bask,

But basking’s off the table

Even though it breaks my heart.

I’ll just have to admire you

From at least six feet apart!

Yeah you were hauling groceries

Into your healthy home

From which, save for essentials,

You could not, for some time, roam.

You made my dreams come true just by

Returning from the mart.

With this telescope it doesn’t seem

Like we’re six feet apart!

And when you spend your days inside

Just watching your TV

No one in your house wears pants

Which means there’s room for me.

I send you morse-code love notes

And order food for you a la carte,

Just my way of making contact

When we’re stuck six feet apart!

Now you might think I’m creepy,

That I’ve gone a bit too far

By buying you a drink

After the feds shut down the bar,

But no one will arrest me

Just for causing you a start

‘Cause they’re emptying the prisons

To keep the crooks six feet apart!

So smile on your Zoom call

And when you’re making crepes,

And smile most of all

When Amazon brings your new drapes.

I made you covet COVID

‘Cause it gave you the head start

That you needed to ensure that we

Remain six feet apart!

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You Can’t Spell “Guilt” Without U and I

Well, you tried to con a dollar

From my hard day’s work

But I’ve never worked a day in my life.

Then you tried to sell me something

In an unmarked bag.

I said “Maybe, but I gotta ask my wife.”

Then you pulled a Smith and Wesson

From your paint-on jeans

And you told me “Pull your wallet out slow.”

Nine months later you’ve a stroller,

I’m approved for my parole-a.

When it’s love, sometimes you just know.

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An Unattainable Love

My breath smelled like a customer service hotline

So I set off to buy me a mint.

The vending machine said “Out of order”

But instead of taking the hint

I shook it, kicked it, bopped it, kissed it,

Took it to Peru.

Now it’s been 30 years today

Since it didn’t say “I do.”

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People Say “Forever” In Different Ways

If you think your girl is nerdy

But you need to check the facts

Say “I’ll love you as long as a winRAR 30-day trial”

And see how she reacts.

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Happy Valentine’s Everyone!

Today I’m writing poems

To folks I’ve never met

Because the woman that I love

Has not existed yet.

Why I am alone tonight

I surely understand,

But no man can be lonely

When he has his own right hand.

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Approach Anxiety – Power Metal Version

My feelings unspoken

Are like chains unbroken:

Restraining. Containing

The beast locked within.

To have them be heard…

A heart turned to word…

Uncurtained, uncertain

Of where to begin.

I know I can’t fight

The coming of night.

I don’t know what’s right

When I hear you coming.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Into the land of numbing.

I look in your hazel eyes

Hoping this feeling dies

But the beast smells a feast

And my heart needs to roar.

Steel bars start to bend

And I cannot contend

So I do what feels true:

Let the beast break down the door.

I knew not to fight

The coming of night.

I did what felt right

When I heard you calling.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Though it feels like falling.

The cage opens wide,

Lets the monster outside.

The beast is released

And it pounces on you.

But claw scratches steel;

How can this be real?

Could it be, just like me,

There’s a beast inside you?

I welcome our fight

In the coming of night.

Can’t know that I’m right

But it’s worth the gamble.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day

But I no longer hide

For lack of preamble.

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