Tag Archives: Love

There’s Someone For Everybody

I want you

Like vegan bacon,

Like rain on my birthday,

Like my car being towed.

I want you

Like an unreleased kraken,

Like a giant pet termite

Or a poisonous toad.

I want you

Like an IRS audit,

Like Buffy wanted

A vampire to slay.

Some might hate this poem

But I know you applaud it.

My wants may be wonky

But you like it that way.

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My High School Love Life

The car windows are steamy.

My chest is warm and bare.

My fingers tingle, running

Gently through her golden hair.

Her chin is in my fingers

And I pull her lips to mine.

Our tongues do dance a tango

That defines the word divine.

I pause, she gasps and whimpers

But I say “I’ll be back soon.”

I step into the parking lot

Beneath the crescent moon.

I can read “humane society”

Despite the evening fog.

I tell the clerk “I’ll take her,”

And that’s how I met my dog.

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She’s Got Legs!

I see a little spider

Crawling up my leg.

A part of me is screaming!

It wants to plead and beg,

But as the beast gets closer

My mind begins to clear

And I realize that, in this spider,

I have nothing to fear.

And so I watch her scuttle

From my ankle to my knee.

My two green eyes watch her

And her eight black eyes watch me,

And as our eyes make contact

I feel our spirits join.

The spider and I are friends now

As she crawls over my groin.

The spider meets my pelvis.

She passes o’er my hips.

Where once they brought me horror

Her eyes could now sink ships.

Her silky brunette body

Tempts me towards an unnamed sin

And I find myself attracted

To a patch that looks like a violin.

The spider now is crawling

Onto my left pectoral

And my mind’s engaged in matters

Of arrangements marital and floral.

She crawls onto my neck now,

Her gorgeous eyes the size of fleas.

She’s nearly to my head now

And I’m nearly on my knees.

She crawls onto my soul patch

And one of her footies slips.

I catch it and replace it

And she crawls onto my lips.

A kiss! A kiss! How lovely

As her mandibles meet mine.

I slip off into a restful sleep

As on me she starts to dine.

I don’t wake up that evening,

Nor tomorrow, nor the next,

Yet dead and cold as I may be

I do not feel vexed.

So when you see such spiders

In their web or in their lair

Instead of giving them the Kleenex

Try to show them that you care.

For though you’ll never meet them

On account of being desiccated

Your eyes will fill with baby spiders

To which you just might be related.

The babies ask “where’s daddy?”

And mommy spider’ll have a chat

And then they’ll go find  love like us.

What’s more beautiful than that?

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Not Your Average Love

She was a starving art history student,

Forced by fate towards whatever was prudent,

Yet she had a temptation she could not evade…

A man, in a sense, who with her heart played.

He was the Egyptian God of the dead,

With unlimited power and an animal’s head,

Yet despite devestation he doled out at will

His heart had an urge that he just couldn’t kill.

Her focus was on just money and Monet.

All of existence was under his sway.

She spent her days in the study of cubists.

He spent his evenings just being Anubis.

Somehow the two met at a holiday party.

She thought him a bad boy. He thought her a smarty.

The exchanged numbers and met up for brunch.

She loved his mystique. He loved how her bones crunch.

Yet, deep as their love was, they each said good bye

For they’d not live together unless she would die.

So ends the tale of this starcrossed romance

Of a girl and a God, both with un-gotten-into-pants.

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Heaven Is Real

This world of ours has beauty

Hidden where you’d least expect.

There’s a chance for redemption

In every life that ends up wrecked.

In every gray face on the corner,

In every drop the clouds can cry,

There’s a way for you to heal

If you only choose to try.

So when the sun stops shining

Take comfort in the shade.

The beauty in the pink of dawn

Is equal to when day fades.

Eagles think they’re falling

When they first learn how to fly.

Love is all around us,

Not just in some beholders eye.

The world has many faces.

Close your eyes, the faces stay.

Whatever you think of the world

It doesn’t change its way.

Regardless of what you may believe

The truth is always true.

If you don’t believe in Heaven,

Heaven still believes in you.

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I Can Safely Write This Because She Doesn’t Read My Blog And Is Imaginary

Some sayings sound satisfying

But don’t apply to real life,

Like “what comes up must come down”

Doesn’t work for the weight of my wife…

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I Really Need To Move To The South Already…

You tell me not to use a straw

Because somewhere in the sea

A turtle was killed by floating trash,

Perhaps produced by me.

And somewhere I imagine

In the ocean, deep and blue,

A turtle chokes on a straw and is grateful

To not be dating you.

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