Tag Archives: Love

Dr. Strangelove 2, Or How The Bomb Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Herself

I wanted to ask a guy to the prom

But alas I’m a thermonuclear bomb.

Were I to go out in a pretty pink dress

I’d make the whole world feel considerable stress

And instead of the dancing and sighing and kissing

Everyone would shout “Hey, there’s a warhead that’s missing”

And before I’d say “Chill guys, you’re all being dumb”

They’d put me back with the uranium.

And so in my bunker I cry and I dream

Of a man who will see me for more than I seem,

Who’ll sweep me away for one memorable night

Even though afterwards the world won’t be alright…

But maybe a man cannot make me complete

And instead I’ll be happy as radiant heat?

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Scorpion Owners Just Laugh…

Doggie cuddle

In a puddle;

Heart and muzzle

Under the stars.

Kitty snuggle

Is a struggle;

With every nuzzle

A few more scars.

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With Pictures (But Not Of That, You Pervert)

I have a voyeuristic cat

Who likes to look at this and that.

He’d probably be less entertained

If his own this and that remained,

But since he’s now a they/them

He’ll hop atop the bed: “Ahem.”

And when we finish he does not,

But instead meows: “You’re in my spot.”

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Privacy Would Be Preferred Tonight

There once was a Valentine’s Day

When I wasn’t alone (it’s today)

But I lacked the foresight

To post a poem before tonight

So here you go. Now go away!

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Love Song, Circa 5th Grade

Love is like anything;

It makes you feel stuff

And when you experience it

You might just go “whuff.”

It’s sort of like “Whoa now”

And also like “Whee”

And that is what true love

Feels like to me.

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Happy Birthday Becky!

Today’s my lady’s birthday

(And this time it’s not my mom).

She’s redheaded and pretty

And I think she is the bomb.

She kicks my butt at Mario Kart

And grabs my butt covertly

And when anybody speaks ill of her

I tell them off quite curtly.

She’s 25 years old today

And full of fun and grace

And I’m going to feed her lots of sugar

And kiss her adorable face

And then, dear reader, after dark

We’ll do our favorite things. An

Act of love and passion

By which I mean play Wingspan.

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I Must Join Her, Salient Rhymes Be Damned!

There once was a beautiful woman

Who was my most favoritest human.

She needed to shower

And late was the hour

So I must do what I must be doin’.

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Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable

There once was a beloved cat

Who thought it appropriate that

In a moment of passion

It would be in fashion

To smother my face with its fat.

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Betting On A Diamond

You couldn’t love a gambling man,

A pal who plays the odds,

Who shakes the dice and throws a wrench

In the plans of man and Gods.

You said you’d never take a chance

On a poker-faced son

But I’d bet if you took a chance

You’d find me pretty fun.

You used to ace your math exams.

You were the queen of school

But the odds weren’t in your favor

With Jack, the king of cool.

Jack would have told you “yes, of course”

If you asked him to dance

But no-go there! You didn’t dare

To take this simple chance.

So Jack’s bad luck’s my inside straight

So let me take the shot:

If you give me your hand of fate

You may just win a lot.

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She Said Yes!

There once was a poet who asked

“Girlfriend, with marrying me will you be tasked?”

She said “Yes, ‘cause you’re weird

“And have a sexy beard.”

Then in congratulations we basked.

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