Tag Archives: Love

How I’m About To Meet Your Mother… Or Big Chad, The Inmate

As if unprompted, she said

“I am not a chair! Don’t sit on me!”

I’m not inclined to sit on strangers

But now I kind of want to see… 

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Why I Never Got Together With That Cute Girl In Class

What wonder has a flower,

A daisy or a rose,

To the clueless human

As on its way it goes?

A work of nature, beautiful,

Is worth not but a glance

For what interest has a human

In the idle ways of plants?

But a very ugly flower

That can nauseate by sight,

That makes you want to kick a baby,

Draw attention that just might.

So when you see the spiders

Crawling from my bloodshot eyes

I seek your fondness and attention.

‘Twas not that so very wise?

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Questionable Pickup Line #473

If you see a girl you like

And say to her “my name is Mike”

Then it’d be a real shame

If that weren’t your real name.

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Baby Don’t Got Back

I saw her and yelled to her “Hey!”

Then I asked “those legs go all the way?”

Then I thought “what the heck?”

‘Cause her legs met her neck

Which I noticed as she walked away.

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True Love? Oh Baby!

I saw her in a Pampers ad

During some mindless family show.

I’d not ’til then fallen in love

But that’s the way things go.

I loved the sunshine in her hair,

The drool upon her chin,

The way the super-absorbency

Accented her alabaster skin.

I called the network, desperately

Seeking to find her name

But I couldn’t connect with anyone.

My only other option? Fame!

I scored a role in a ketchup ad,

Then became a multi-roler

When I starred as the kid who modeled

The Cadillac B-90 Stroller.

I was the hottest babe in Hollywood,

Beloved for being small,

Yet still I’d not connected with her

For whom I’d done it all.

And so my heart goes on and on,

Never to bestill.

I pray I’ll play beside her,

The Jack unto her Jill.

Until that fateful future day

I spend my nights alone,

Just me and my beloved

Via Youtube on my phone.

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The Correct Answer Was “Huh?”

She asked me “who’s your favorite?”

I said “of course it’s you!”

She asked me “do you mean it?”

I said “of course it’s true!”

But I lost my concentration

And answered “you, of course” once more.

I still don’t know why she asked

“Who’s that girl dressed like a whore?”

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Three Films For The Dork Lords On Their Basement Thrones (LotR)

We’ve all seen movies

That we adore.

We’ll watch them ten times,

Then ten more!

Sure, you know it

Line for line

But that’s not boring!

That’s just fine!

These films are family,

Allies, friends.

We love their journeys

Despite familiar ends.

To love such things

Need not be wrong,

But alas, my favorites

Are 12 hours long…

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