My breath smelled like a customer service hotline
So I set off to buy me a mint.
The vending machine said “Out of order”
But instead of taking the hint
I shook it, kicked it, bopped it, kissed it,
Took it to Peru.
Now it’s been 30 years today
Since it didn’t say “I do.”
Filed under Poems
If you think your girl is nerdy
But you need to check the facts
Say “I’ll love you as long as a winRAR 30-day trial”
And see how she reacts.
Filed under Poems
Today I’m writing poems
To folks I’ve never met
Because the woman that I love
Has not existed yet.
Why I am alone tonight
I surely understand,
But no man can be lonely
When he has his own right hand.
Filed under Poems
I close my eyes, remembering
The day we almost met.
You were taking Cynthia
(Your puppy) to the vet.
You were glowing beautifully,
A tear drop in your eye,
And I was in my plain white van,
My third time driving by.
I almost parked, almost went in,
Almost told you my name
But I kept on making four right turns
And keeping things the same.
Sometimes I close my eyes and think
Of how we might have been
But it’s best for both of us if I,
For now, remain unseen.
Filed under Poems
When I look into your eyes
I see past the grand disguise,
Past the diamonds and the dress
And paint to cover up the stress,
Past your ever-graceful way
Maintained despite a grueling day.
In your eyes, so dark and still,
I see you as no camera will.
In your eyes I see, unhidden,
Slippers, sweatpants, and a kitten.
Twinkle brightly little star
For those who see you as you are.
Filed under Poems
Here I am, a little boy.
How strongly my heart beats
Gazing on an elder swan
Praying time repeats,
For how can I grow ever older
As the world grows ever colder
Knowing my arms will never enfold her,
And facing only defeats?
Here I am, a tiny man
Seeing into the past
A lady, once in a lifetime
Traveling ever too fast.
Many a princess has been misled
Into kissing a frog, but not when it’s dead
And I, but a tadpole, just watched as she fled
And I wish my heart might beat its last
For how can you live with a soul
Guaranteed to miss half of its whole,
Being born in a land whose cruel history planned
To demand from your hand unfair toll?
For a frog may love flying,
But know only a leap, imitation.
So I, left unborn in the past
See my love through a like limitation,
With a heart never freed
From perpetual need
Knowing she’ll never read
This most pitiful seed
That someday just might grow
To a tree that might show
Just how far I would go
So that maybe she’d know
Here I am!
Here I am!
Here I go!
Filed under Poems
