Tag Archives: Sex

When You Trade Favors For Food Stamps

I tried to find a sugar momma

But nobody has money in da hood.

I settled for a sweet ‘n low cousin

And I’m her splenda baby. It’s all good.

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Hao Chow Dong?

Chinese chicks are selfish

When it comes to bedroom acts.

You may not, at first, believe me

So I come equipped with facts:

Their zodiac has animals

Like Rabbit, Dog, and Ox.

Missing (eaten) is the Pussycat.

Still present are the Cocks.

The Beaver’s been devoured

But not the Dragon or the Snake.

It seems most Fish and Birds get eaten,

But hey! That’s just my take…

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This Is Probably Sexist…

Science has concluded

That for most life on earth

The number of penises you have

Is inversely correlated with your odds of giving birth.

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Cautionary Tale

A visitor had phone sex

With a couple of hotel maids.

He thought he couldn’t get an STD

But now he has hearing aids.

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Let Life End As It Began

I want to die of an orgasm.

It’s a death that would leave me content

And the folks at my wake

Would say “for goodness’ sake

“That poet, he came and he went.”

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The College Nerd

Back when I lived in the dorms,

I was no fan of social norms.

It was there when I finally heard

My conscience say “you are a nerd.”

For in the dorm above my own

One night I heard a lustful moan,

Then another, then yet more

While I was beating my high score.

Although my skill is up to snuff

The type of games I play are tough

So I yelled “Be quiet when you *bleep* her!

“I’m trying to focus on Minesweeper.”

Now you may laugh and call me names

Since I scoff at sex while playing games

But I avoided future strife:

Minesweeper trains men for married life.

Virgin loser? Yep, that’s me!

Enjoy your one-night TNT.

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Reason #4,231,278 I Love Texas

I got a letter from a woman:

“I’m not pretty,” she wrote.

I wrote back “That’s okay.

“I once f***ed a goat.”*

Believe it or not

She never wrote back.

It seems my sage wisdom

Got her self-esteem back on track!

*Not a literal goat, you pervert! That’s just what we call my cousin.

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