I was a thief
In ancient times
When the punishments
Fit the crimes.
I finally was caught
Making ransom demands
And a guy with an ax
Chopped off my hands.
It hurt in the moment,
And my stumps were quite sore,
But I don’t have to worry
About caught red-handed anymore.
Even better than that
Was going to my patents’s place
And saying “look ma, no hands!”
Ah, the look on her face.
The Daily Travesty 