Tag Archives: Crime

Al Capone, Libertarian

I ask you now to wonder

On the act of taking plunder

And on pirate-like behavior as a whole:

How does someone with a flag

Holding out a taxman’s bag

Compare to vagrants charging travelers a toll?

And what of other you’s and me’s

Traveling on the seven seas

When a Jolly Roger pulls their cannon out

And says “give us what you’ve got

“Or you’ll probably get shot.”

That’s what piracy and taxes are about!

Now sure, our brand of takers

Cheer beside you for the Lakers

And send you notes before they pull their gun

But they are not made less like Smeagol

Just because their theft is legal

And their pre-audit demeanor is more fun.

I’m not afraid to call BS

On our nation’s IRS.

Now excuse me, for I must go on the run.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Someone In Delaware, Get On This Please!

As Uber and Lyft are to taxis,

As AirB&B is to lodging

We need a low-cost solution

To enable the art of tax-dodging.

Uber and Lyft are slang and misspellings.

AirB&B is the service plus “air.”

I suggest “AirTyght” for our no-tax service

And if you disagree I don’t care.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

How To Fail Less

If at first you don’t succeed

Find out who has made it so

Then stab that person ’til they bleed

And on to victory you’ll go.

This strategy has proven good

Historically for folks who are male

But wait! Do it not you should

If you cause yourself to fail.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Flirting In Canada

I was a man

And she was not.

She hadn’t noticed me

But I thought she was hot.

I approached her politely

And told her “I’m Dan.”

She was, in hindsight, not pleased

So I got two years in the can.

I remember when men

Were not seen as a foe,

But not anymore

Thanks to Justin Trudeau.

Read More?

2 Comments

Filed under Poems

When Big Brother Is Ignoring You

If you, dear reader, aren’t aware

Of government surveillance

Then you really ought to know

That the FBI

and CIA

Have a list of words like so:

If you write gun

Or bomb or kill

Or terrorism in an email

You’ll be on

Their list to watch

Whether or not you’re female.

If you write

Assassinate,

Anarchy, or Iran

Then your social media page

Will probably get a scan.

I tell you of

This fact because

My blog needs to get more views.

You’ll know if it

Worked out okay

When my arrest is on the news.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Where’s That Guy Who Says “I’ll Do Anything Once”

I imagine if you walked around

Just licking random people

They’d probably throw you in jail.

However, I lack the desire

To test the hypothesis.

I also lack money for bail.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Here’s Where “All The Good Men” Are Going

They said I could dance if I wanted,

But I didn’t pay them no mind.

I said my friends don’t dance

And since they don’t dance

I’ll happily respond in kind.

They said I could wink if I wanted,

Use my privilege as a white male,

But if the non-dancers

Spew their postmodern cancers

Then I’ll probably end up in jail.

The jail guys dance if they wanna.

They’ll dance with convict behinds,

And since they’re “oppressed”

They don’t second guess

To ask if their partner minds.

So thanks but no thanks to the dancing.

I’ll enjoy my private gloom

‘Cause I don’t want the event

Of past-tense non-consent

To be my freedom’s doom.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems