Tag Archives: Punishment

Even If Big Eddie Says “I’ll Snuggle You After”

When a guy goes to prison

He calls up his wife

And says, “Though I’m in here

“For 15 to life

“I want you to hold off

“From having sex with other guys.”

His wife says “You too,”

Because she’s just that wise.

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The Favorite Joke Of A Stuffed Llama Named “Lee”

I was traveling in Delhi

When I noticed something smelly,

A lentil dish I didn’t want at all.

I asked “what’s that?” They said

“That’s for punishment,”

And explained to me the dish was vudu dahl.

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Mercy and Reason

I can understand the fear

Of Muslims, guns, and thugs.

I see we people punish

Those who sell illegal drugs.

Despite my understanding,

I can’t support the death penalty

Unless you spoil “The Force Awakens,”

In which case it’s fine with me.

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Shoplifting

I went to my doctor
With a terrible cold,
A product of
My getting old.

He told me to take
Two aspirins or so,
Then gave me a bill
And bade me to go.

And now I’m in prison
For acting immorally.
I took aspirin from the store
When the doctor meant orally.

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The Butler

A monocle, a violin,
A fancy tailcoat.
I held a tray the British way
And never did I gloat.

A ball and chain, a little cot,
A fancy jumpsuit too.
Everyone thinks I’m guilty,
And I bet that you do too.

So now I’m serving “Chef’s Surprise”
In the prisoners’ cafe.
And with each bow I think of how
To escape, the British way.

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Crime and Optimism

I was a thief
In ancient times
When the punishments
Fit the crimes.

I finally was caught
Making ransom demands
And a guy with an ax
Chopped off my hands.

It hurt in the moment,
And my stumps were quite sore,
But I don’t have to worry
About caught red-handed anymore.

Even better than that
Was going to my patents’s place
And saying “look ma, no hands!”
Ah, the look on her face.

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