When I wake up, I fill my bath
And my lake of boiling acid.
I brush my teeth and poke my sharks
To stop them from getting placid.
I make my bed and shine my button
(The red one that says “die”)
Then I stroke my pet and eat paté
‘Til the heroes come on by.
On Saturdays I watch the news
And write something for my blog,
Then I go for a weekend drive
And swerve to hit a dog.
On Sundays I like to sleep in
And skip this whole routine.
After all, it’s hard to be
So consistently mean.
The Daily Travesty 