I told my friend “good morning”
And they just said “morning” back
Which makes me wonder what I did
To deserve that sort of attack.
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He said “My pronoun’s potato
“Instead of he, him, and his.”
I mumbled “What isn’t a pronoun”
And he shouted “Yes, what is!”
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I ate dessert for breakfast
Though I don’t know how or why;
I made some scrambled eggs
But they identified as pie.
Filed under Poems
Jared Leto, as The Joker,
Made “Suicide Squad” tolerable.
Joaquin Phoenix, as The Joker,
Made his film a billion-dollar-able
Heath Ledger, as The Joker,
Took the Oscar world by storm
And Jack Nicholson, as The Joker,
Was creepy, as per the norm.
Cesar Romero, as The Joker,
Was a true comedic villain.
With nothing but his voice
Mark Hamill made The Joker chilling.
Looking at this track record
All I have to say
Is maybe… (bear with me) maybe…
Joker’s an easy roll to play?
Filed under Poems
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
This poem is boring;
Let’s see what a PhD will do…
Rosoideae are vermillion,
Their brethren, cyan.
I choose to eschew the quotidian
Because, demonstrably, I can.
Filed under Poems
Steve wanted to scare me
So he said “Guess what’s groovy?
“In ten years they’ll probably
“Make Jenga: The Movie.”
I wanted revenge,
To give Steve what was due,
So I said, “In twelve years
“They might make Jenga 2.”
Filed under Poems
When the moon rises high
Over your sleeping body
And the night fairy carries out schemes
You cannot perceive
The world as it is
But instead you see into your dreams.
In dreams you’re a giant,
A wizard, a toaster,
A breakfast of bacon and eggs
And you fight with a demon
Who looks like your neighbor
Except for his seventy legs.
You dream of a princess
Named “Costco Potatoes”
Who sings about pudding and skin
And then you awake,
Completely forgetting
The fantasy world you were in.
Lost are the memories
Of worlds unimagined
Like socks, lyrics, birthdays, and names,
But you know you are dreaming
When someone is screaming
“Your mixtape is actually flames!”
Filed under Poems
When I was a kid
I saw a film that changed my life
About a team of athletes
Who were suffering from strife.
They were not good at basketball
So they hired a dog to play.
If a dog can win a championship
Why not elect it, eh?
Filed under Poems
It might mean very different things
When I say to my girlfriend
“I still can’t understand you,”
Followed by: “Come again?”
Filed under Poems
