Tag Archives: Postaday

Philosophy 101

Whatever you’ve heard, forget it!

Whatever you know, you don’t.

Everyone thinks they are brainy

But most of their brains grown’t.

Ignorance is epidemic.

No knowledge or sense can be common.

Now pay your tuition and fill out this form

And go back to your dorm and eat ramen.

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Modern Conveniences

While I’m on the road

I shop for ammo online.

Times aren’t all that bad!

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Five Most Powerful Natural Disasters (Number Two Will Shock You)

He had wavy golden locks

That fell upon her shoulders

As he held her close with one arm

While the other parried boulders.

Behind them, a volcano

Spat hellfire in the air

But the hottest thing nearby was still

His chest, sweaty and bare.

An earthquake shook the lovers.

A tsunami got them wet,

But nature had no fury

To match their passion yet.

Then a tiny spider crawled

Across her silky bosom

Which quickly quelled the ardor

Of the trashy novel twosome.

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Prequels Be Like:

What if somebody made a hot dog

But instead of a bun, he

Put a couple of crackers

That tasted like honey

And instead of ketchup

Put chocolate so melty

But something was missing,

Because everyone felt he

Was not doing service

To a long piece of meat

So he replaced the hot dog

With a puffy white treat

Perfectly toasted

Over glowing red coals?

Perhaps I’ll add that

To my recipe goals…

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I’m A Mediocre Redneck, But I’m Enthusiastic About It

I places 3rd out of 4 teams

At the cornhole tournaments.

I scored 6 points in two games

And I’ve felt so manly since.

I also walked in a cardboard box

And fell on my cardboard face.

That’s a Wednesday afternoon

At my Summer place!

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D… Wait For It… UUUUUH!

Muffins and pizza and cake are delicious

Although, to my stomach, are often malicious.

Will I endure farting, mood swings, and pudge

To eat one more slice, with a side dish of fudge?

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Dear Ladies, Love Men

My girl made me a sandwich

And left a little note:

“Sandwich in the fridge. I love you!”

That was all she wrote.

That was all I needed

To get me through the day

And made every struggle, small and large,

Seem perfectly okay.

So when your boyfriend, husband,

Or another man declares

“Go make me a sandwich”

It shows you that he cares

Enough about your love to ask

For what he really needs.

If you want true love to grow

That’s how to sow the seeds.

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Road Trip Anthem

Today I took a little drive

That did not make me smile and thrive.

I’d summarize the sojourn thusly:

Worthy of a verbal cuss. We

Stopped and go’ed, and go and stop

Now let’s go 80! Was that a cop?

Nope, no cops are on the road

And why can’t that Kia explode?

Also, props to the white car chap

Who had a kitty on his lap.

Those are hours, forever gone

And meanwhile Kia guy lives on…

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Art

Art.

Art is when your self-expression

Is super meaningful and deep

In a way that nobody else understands.

It doesn’t rhyme

Or look like reality

Or sell in Peoria

(Or anywhere else for that matter).

It has imagery in it

Like “Salty red horse”

Or “Spider fingers”

That evoke people’s minds

But don’t make them think.

Art is for people who feel

Or who have a lot of money

That they need to launder

And also lots of wall space.

Art.

Carrier pigeon with orange sauce.

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HUMAN VS CATERPILLAR… THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN 💥💣🌋🐛

From the Earth arises, soft,

The tiny caterpillar

Which, to the baby bird, will serve

As a tiny belly filler.

The baby birds grow big and strong

And humans shoot and eat ‘em

And that is why the caterpillar

Will never defeat ‘em.

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