Tag Archives: Postaday

How I Choose To Put Stuff In My Body

You know those ads that run late at night

Where the guy tells you how to solve life

By eating one teaspoon of Stuff every day.

After all, it’s how he found his wife

Even though he was homeless and 300 pounds

And rodents were all he digested

Until he discovered a miracle cure

That one night he just manifested.

It’s a powder with maca, ginseng, beluga,

Alabaster, carnuba, and chives

And though the FDA says it’s not tested at all

It will change many millions of lives!

Well the guy selling Stuff that the FDA doubts

Saying it will make everything great

Has the same credentials as the Covid vaccine

Which is why I personally hesitate.

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The Worrier’s Day Off

I’ve just been so busy!

I need to relax,

So I’ll sleep in a bit

And eat a few snacks,

Go for a walk

Or do something constructive,

Then blame myself for

Not being productive.

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It’s Not About Race; It’s About Culture

Deep in the woods by a little green lake

Lived a man who had never been sad.

His life was just joy from the start to today,

Never once punctuated by bad.

He called the birds and the frogs company

And sang to the wood he would stack…

But all of that changed when he saw CNN

And learned what it meant to be black:

He learned that despite being happy and free

His life was defined by oppression

And how being equal to everyone else

Was the only worthwhile obsession.

He was overwhelmed, shocked even, until

He heard an inspiring call:

He realized he hadn’t voted for Biden

And thus wasn’t black after all!

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“Write A Poem With Silver And Orange… You Can’t”

All that is gold does not glitter;

All that is green does not grow;

But all that is orange and all that is silver

Will not have an easy rhyme though.

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Not All Mentors Are Created Equal

Spring chicken, tell me what you see

Beyond the veil of this unyielding world?

It is a strange thing, to be sure,

And I’m not sure I understand it

In my mind or heart

But still I trust, for I asked and you answered

“Puckaaaawwwwww!”

I shall strive to live by those words.

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Moments Before You Realize Your Cosmic Impotence

The sky had a sun that was adorning

The sky at five a.m. in the morning.

It was bright and obnoxious

And for some reason I thought this:

“Go down now… this is your last warning.”

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It Appears To Be Awakening Even Now

An eon ago, when the earth was young

And all the people spoke one tongue

The brain had a chamber that now just slumbers

That it used for remembering friends’ phone numbers.

Legend says when it awakes

And says, “Well gosh, for goodness sakes,

“That was a spiffy power nap”

Humanity will turn to crap.

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Watch Out

There once was a clock on a wrist

That one day became rather pissed.

It said “Time isn’t real,

“So how does that feel?”

Now it is for sale on Craigslist.

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YA Dystopian Epics

Once upon a time

In a far away world

That turns out to be the USA by book 3

A brave young girl

With a stupid name

Becomes an unlikely hero

When she’s mildly inconvenienced

By an otherwise fine totalitarian system.

Alongside her trusty sensitive boyfriend

And the other dude who has no chance

But is still in the book for some reason

She will change the world…

Then she’ll do it again in book 2

In basically the same way

And then there’s a third one

Where the writer basically tells you

“War is bad,” or something

Because you kinda have to keep reading.

Her battle will be legendary

For about ten years

Until the next four-book trilogy releases.

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When Evolution Works TOO Well

You’ve heard of Brontosaurus,

You’ve heard Triceratops,

Tyrannosaurus Rex of course,

And even the Cyclops,

But there’s one ancient animal

That didn’t live for long…

And that mystery dinosaur

Is the subject of this song:

I sing of Tacosaurus,

The terror of the south,

With a crispy shell of golden corn

And veggies in its mouth!

It roamed across the world until

Plant and meat eaters both

Decided they were tasty.

“Nom nom,” did others quoth.

So died the Tacosaurus,

But paleontologists think it’s swell

That such a mighty dinosaur

Was saved by the Taco Bell.

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