Tag Archives: Postaday

The Best Classical Music Parody You Have To Sing Yourself (Guaranteed Orgasm In 45 Seconds)

People say that music

Is the worst it’s ever been.

I disagree because of one song

Written by Herr Beethoven.

If you take his fifth symphony

(That goes Da-da-da duuuuuuuh)

And simply give it the lyrics

“Oh baby yeah, oh baby uhhh!”

It becomes a pop hit

To match the best today.

Here’s a link to prove it.

You’re welcome, by the way.

Helpful hint: Just sing those two lyrics with the melody for about twenty seconds and you’ll get the intended effect.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

And Yet We Still Believe It

So began the monologue:

“Yes, of course I’ll train the dog!”

And in hindsight this we see

Was the greatest lie in history.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Extent Of My Megalomania (Which Is Also A Good Name For A Country)

If I had my own country…

Let’s call it Placelandia…

I know exactly

The flag I’d want.

It would be all white

But with black letters

That said “Placelandia”

In the biggest possible font.

I think Placelandia

Would be kinda okay

And help elementary school kids

Get, in geography, an A.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

But Then People Won’t Think Everything In My Life Is Perfect And Be Indifferent/Slightly Insecure About The Whole Thing!

There’s something to be said

For chatting without snap,

Books without face,

Interacting without that crap…

Gramming that’s not instant,

Interests that aren’t pins,

Singing without tweeting.

Real friends don’t need log-ins.

I think our society’s forgotten

The value of offline truth

So why not forget your password

And go enjoy your youth?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Why The Chihuahua Doesn’t To Come In My Room Anymore

I’m burning photographs

Of someone that I loved,

Watching ashes dance

From earth to what’s above

And wondering silently

On how it could have been.

Is unwillingness to forgive

Lack of virtue or actual sin?

I hold his body in my arms…

What’s left of it at least.

Who knew that to a warrior

A simple dog was such a beast?

But now I am alone again

My mind already set

On how I can replace

My unopened* limited-edition Boba Fett.

*Previously unopened… 😭

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Sorry Salespeople…

No, I don’t want to be famous,

Don’t want to have power or wealth.

I don’t even want to be happy

Or have peace of mind or my health.

I don’t want a house or a garden,

Two kids and a white picket fence.

I’d give up all these and my brainstem

Just to not hear your two-cents!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

It’s Not Easy Being Anakin

Back when we were younger

I saw you on the sand.

I asked “are you an angel?”

Though I wasn’t yet a man.

Then I left my family

And the only home I knew

To be the kind of wizard

Who deserved a queen like you.

My world with you seemed softer,

Not like sand that’s rough and coarse,

Your presence a temptation

Like the dark side of the force.

I wanted an eternal life

With you, my precious star,

But alas instead of in my heart

I looked for it on Mustafar.

There I had an accident

Involving lava splatter.

My foe had the high ground

But I thought it didn’t matter.

As you died in childbirth

We shared one final “Ow!”

Then your boss gave me a suit

And said “You’re Vader now.”

And now I rule the galaxy

With my evil brand of zen

Until I find that special someone

Who calls me daddy once again.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems