Tag Archives: Evil

War Isn’t So Bad…

We’ve walked among some Autumn glades

Just us and the wind from the helicopter blades.

Falling gently to the ground

Are a leaf and some limbs and an M16 round.

A quaint little creek

Glitters bright mountain green

And, despite all our blood,

Is still cool fresh and clean.

We came here to camp,

Found these meadows to walk,

Because some old men

Wouldn’t sit down and talk,

But we can take solace

And our hearts can still sing

All thanks to the peace

That our murder will bring.

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51% And Growing

What if, with perfect certainty, you knew how to be good. You

Would have no ills or evils. With this great power would you

Live your life accordingly, an angel we’d admire,

Or is flawless, certain perfection a goal to which you’d not aspire?

Now if perfection weren’t certain and ’twas painful to act well

Would you trade your Earthly pleasure for 50/50 odds of Hell?

Would you suffer every moment if it might bring future joy

Or would you say “be happy now” and make pleasure your toy?

The point that I am making is in our uncertain years

Where our good or evil instincts are affected by our fears

That we might be a villain who believes that we are just

Or perhaps a clumsy angel whose good intent is all a bust.

If you’d be truly evil or would be extremely good

Then here’s a course of action that to take I think you should:

To seek a path of certainty. Through thinking you will find

More often the results you seek are those which you will find

And if another does you wrong seek not to cast your blame

But know that if you thought like him you’d probably do the same.

Hero, villain, victim are alike a future you

So why not think and weight the coin that judges all we do?

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The Lord Of The Rings

A while ago

There was a guy

Who dreamed of being

A fiery eye.

We don’t know why

He felt the need,

But we know that

He did succeed.

The problem with

Old fire-eye’s plot

Is that what he wanted

Others did not,

And so he hid

His power away

So after his death

He’d still be okay.

He put that power

In a magical ring

That got stolen by

A greedy king,

And that repeated

Several times

Through fire and snow

And temperate climes.

Then one day

Some fishing midgets

Found that ring

And asked “what ij it?”

One said “mine!”

The other said “no!”

And so the midgets

Came to blows.

The winning midget

Became a beast

Who hid in a cave

Eating Fancy Feast

Until more midgets

Came along,

Stole the ring,

And sang a song.

A few years later

There was peace

And the ring’s new owner’s

Male niece

Got the ring

As a birthday gift,

Met some elves,

And got a lift

To Rivendell

Where it was decided

Fire-eye’s ego

Had the land divided

And that the only

Thing to do

Was to break the ring

Of you-know-who.

The elves said that

The ring must be laid

In the Mordorian lava

In which it was made.

The dwarf said

“That’s a lot of work,”

Hit the ring with his axe

And looked like a jerk.

So midgets and co.

Went on a quest,

They got betrayed

And left the rest,

Wandered alone

To the volcano of doom

Where the trolls and orcs

Drummed “boom, boom, boom.”

While they did

The men, dwarves, and elves

Fought three hours of orc wars

All by themselves,

Had a romantic subplot

With the long-lost human heir

And the elven princess

With the CGI hair.

By now midgets passed fire-eye’s

Most fiery gazes

Then the ring-bearing midget

Had just one of his dazes,

Turned to his friend,

Said “No Sam! The ring’s mine,”

Then dumbass lost his finger

And it all turned out fine.

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Honestly, Every Baby Name After 2007 Though…

I feel for baby Adolfs,

Judases, Atillas,

Who had to live entire lives

Proving they’re just vanillas

Instead of evil Hall-of-Famers

Whose names they now must share.

On the other hand, how ’bout some killers

Named Peyton, Taylor, Weston, or Blair?

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The Real Darkness Approaches…

Once a year we celebrate

The gruesome and bizarre,

The stuff that gives clowns nightmares

And makes wolves hide under cars.

We make light of the horrific,

Let go the values we hold dear…

We call this celebration “tax day”

And it’ll come in half a year.

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When You Don’t Fit In

I wanna be a henchman.

It’s  been my only dream

Since I popped out o’ mommy

And I made the doctor scream.

I wanna test inventions

Not safe for normal folks,

To be the head o’ suicide missions

And the butt of all the jokes.

I want a friend named Igor,

Or a dozen, or a horde.

I want to live a life that is

Too short to ever get bored.

I want to be a henchman,

A minion, grunt, or goon,

But I failed my test for Hensa

And couldn’t be certified as a buffoon.

Hence I am a villain,

Respected, hated, feared.

I still hang out with lowlifes

But my henchmen think I’m weird.

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Corporations Are Evil (Because I Want Them To Be)

“Corporations are evil”

I think as I buy my Special K

And hop in my Toyota

And drive to the YMCA.

“Corporations are evil”

Is what’s running through my head

While I surf Youtube on my iPad

From my new Sleep Number bed.

“Corporations are evil”

Helps me eat my Eggland’s Best,

Helps me get ready for work at Megatech

As in Prada I get dressed.

“Corporations are evil”

Is a truth you can’t deny

Because my friends say it on Facebook

Which means that so should I.

“Corporations are evil.”

Was that all I have to say? Check!

It helps me feel virtuous

As Wells-Fargo cashes my paycheck.

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