Tag Archives: Evil

Big Brother

I accidentally deleted

My browser history

And yet the pages I visit

Show the same ads to me

About the things I’ve talked about

But never searched online

So forgive we while I move under this rock

And live there… I’ll be fine.

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What New Devilry Is This?

Somewhere down in baby hell

Are Lucifer and Baphomet,

Asmodeus, Apollyon,

Satan, and Adramalech

All laughing at demonic stuff

But here’s the evil rub:

There’s a new kid in the devil school.

His name’s Beelzebub.

His family comes from South Missouri

And his dad’s name was Cletus

And he’d been groomed for devilhood

Since he was a fetus.

The devils might have picked on him

‘Til he was a broken husk

But then a savior came along:

A baby devil named by Elon Musk.

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A New Nemesis Emerges…

A silver goose on a crystal lake

Locks eyes with me at dawn

And ‘neath the sunrise orange it spake

And pooped upon my lawn.

Silver goose, an anarchist

Would soon my rifle eat…

Though I aimed wide, I will not miss

When next our twain shall meet.

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Thanks New World Order!

This year they started teaching kids

As young as five-years-old

That gender is whatever you choose

And not just what you’re told.

To celebrate this progress

In sex-ed for the prepubescent

I thought of a list of titles

For children’s books in this age present:

“Everybody Fucks,” for one;

Or “When the President Sniffs Your Hair”;

“The Very Hungry Pedophile”;

Or the two-papa Berenstain Bears.

“When Daddy Says ‘Call Me Mommy’”;

“The Fantastic Gyration Sensation”;

And a favorite of drag queen story hour:

“A is for Autoerotic Asphyxiation.”

Maybe you don’t feel comfortable

Putting porn in your preschooler’s head?

Don’t worry! For kids who are too young

We’ll teach them they’re racists instead!

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And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”

I think the biggest reason

Why the term “minion” exists

Is because all the female henchmen

Continually insist

That “henchman” is a sexist term

And they should be called “henchperson”

And the trust relationship

With their villain starts to worsen.

To avoid such conflicts

The term “minion” is used instead…

Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”

And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”

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Fauced Up Man…

There’s a guy in a political alliance

Who’s rightfully earned our defiance.

Instead of giving puppies hugs

He had them eaten alive by bugs

And yet you still say “Trust the science”?

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Instead Of Going Back In Time To Kill Hitler, Consider This Guy

“What if, instead of selling stuff

To people who will buy it

We interrupt TV and stuff

To talk about a diet,

A tv show, a sugar drink,

A car, or car insurance?

That should make folks love us,

Or at least that’s my inference!”

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Why Hitler Is The Silver-Medalist of Evil

The inventor of homework they tell is

A guy named Roberto Nevelis.

I don’t know about you,

But sounds like a guy who

Will experience firsthand what Hell is…

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The Elites

Who once was an ideologue

Now bears a predacious heart,

A prerequisite for leadership

In politics and art.

Who once fantasized

Is yoked by sponsors unseen,

Separate from the audience

Who now seem unclean.

Who once dreamed of changing

Now for sameness votes,

Repelling their friends,

Trapped within their own moats.

Who is no longer meek

Now learns how and why

The meek inherit nothing

If the elites never die.

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Super-Villains: The College Years

If I owned an evaporation ray

That could turn humans to ash

I think it would help motivate

My roommates to take out the trash.


I had to write an essay

About why I deserve financial aid.

I wrote about the 10,000 horsepower

Machine gun-slash-jetpack I made.

They said “Thanks for your application

“But, alas, this year we can’t…”

And at that point I spotted an unlikely hero

And proceeded to kidnap their aunt.


Well sure, I’m a villain I guess.

I act violently when under stress

And if I kill someone

And it’s not in good fun

I consider the day a success!


I was failing Econ 101

So I put on my lowest-cut blouse

Snuck into my professor’s office

And sat on the pad for his mouse.

He came in and I said, “Professor

“I’ll do anything to get an A.”

Little did I know my professor

Had an evaporation ray…

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