Tag Archives: Evil

A New Nemesis Emerges…

A silver goose on a crystal lake

Locks eyes with me at dawn

And ‘neath the sunrise orange it spake

And pooped upon my lawn.

Silver goose, an anarchist

Would soon my rifle eat…

Though I aimed wide, I will not miss

When next our twain shall meet.

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Thanks New World Order!

This year they started teaching kids

As young as five-years-old

That gender is whatever you choose

And not just what you’re told.

To celebrate this progress

In sex-ed for the prepubescent

I thought of a list of titles

For children’s books in this age present:

“Everybody Fucks,” for one;

Or “When the President Sniffs Your Hair”;

“The Very Hungry Pedophile”;

Or the two-papa Berenstain Bears.

“When Daddy Says ‘Call Me Mommy’”;

“The Fantastic Gyration Sensation”;

And a favorite of drag queen story hour:

“A is for Autoerotic Asphyxiation.”

Maybe you don’t feel comfortable

Putting porn in your preschooler’s head?

Don’t worry! For kids who are too young

We’ll teach them they’re racists instead!

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And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”

I think the biggest reason

Why the term “minion” exists

Is because all the female henchmen

Continually insist

That “henchman” is a sexist term

And they should be called “henchperson”

And the trust relationship

With their villain starts to worsen.

To avoid such conflicts

The term “minion” is used instead…

Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”

And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”

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Fauced Up Man…

There’s a guy in a political alliance

Who’s rightfully earned our defiance.

Instead of giving puppies hugs

He had them eaten alive by bugs

And yet you still say “Trust the science”?

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Instead Of Going Back In Time To Kill Hitler, Consider This Guy

“What if, instead of selling stuff

To people who will buy it

We interrupt TV and stuff

To talk about a diet,

A tv show, a sugar drink,

A car, or car insurance?

That should make folks love us,

Or at least that’s my inference!”

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Why Hitler Is The Silver-Medalist of Evil

The inventor of homework they tell is

A guy named Roberto Nevelis.

I don’t know about you,

But sounds like a guy who

Will experience firsthand what Hell is…

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The Elites

Who once was an ideologue

Now bears a predacious heart,

A prerequisite for leadership

In politics and art.

Who once fantasized

Is yoked by sponsors unseen,

Separate from the audience

Who now seem unclean.

Who once dreamed of changing

Now for sameness votes,

Repelling their friends,

Trapped within their own moats.

Who is no longer meek

Now learns how and why

The meek inherit nothing

If the elites never die.

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Super-Villains: The College Years

If I owned an evaporation ray

That could turn humans to ash

I think it would help motivate

My roommates to take out the trash.

——————————————————–

I had to write an essay

About why I deserve financial aid.

I wrote about the 10,000 horsepower

Machine gun-slash-jetpack I made.

They said “Thanks for your application

“But, alas, this year we can’t…”

And at that point I spotted an unlikely hero

And proceeded to kidnap their aunt.

——————————————————–

Well sure, I’m a villain I guess.

I act violently when under stress

And if I kill someone

And it’s not in good fun

I consider the day a success!

——————————————————–

I was failing Econ 101

So I put on my lowest-cut blouse

Snuck into my professor’s office

And sat on the pad for his mouse.

He came in and I said, “Professor

“I’ll do anything to get an A.”

Little did I know my professor

Had an evaporation ray…

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On The General Nature Of Material Things

In this world of cats and dogs,

Of black and white, of bricks and logs,

It seems it nature’s choice we trust

The things which most resemble us,

Because of nature or our minds,

We oft call “evil” other kinds

Of creatures, colors, or supplies;

To do this I don’t think is wise.

If dogs chase cats or cats scratch dogs,

If we stack bricks or burn some logs

We do these things not out of spite

But merely ’cause it feels right.

So are we, by our nature, wrong

To do as we’ve done all along

Merely since a precious few

Feel malice as these things they do?

Shall we, must we, can we insist

That the building and the chase desist?

Are we all not good human beings

But, one and all, [Insert here]-ist fiends?

I like to think what harm we do

Is in pursuit of what is true,

And if we don’t find verity

We fail with true sincerity.

Impose not evil on the Earth

For no more than being given birth

And if another’s sin you see

Know the sinner is human like you and me.

Perhaps through this we’ll forget war,

We’ll never suffer anymore.

More likely we’ll still scratch and bite

But, mindfully, still smile despite.

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War Isn’t So Bad…

We’ve walked among some Autumn glades

Just us and the wind from the helicopter blades.

Falling gently to the ground

Are a leaf and some limbs and an M16 round.

A quaint little creek

Glitters bright mountain green

And, despite all our blood,

Is still cool fresh and clean.

We came here to camp,

Found these meadows to walk,

Because some old men

Wouldn’t sit down and talk,

But we can take solace

And our hearts can still sing

All thanks to the peace

That our murder will bring.

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