Twenty-Five Year Plan

You say I’m small and round and pink.
You’d probably say I’m cute,
But I’ll change your life ’til your naughty words
Are “darn” and “fudge” and “shoot.”

I scream and cry at random,
Especially on planes
And when I get an allowance
I’ll spend it all on trains.

When I grow up I’ll be the first
Astronaut/Magician
Unless I become a firefighter,
President, and magician.

Then when I get to college
(If that’s the path I take)
I’ll send you Facebook pictures
Of me with girls and a snake.

I’ll graduate with a B.A
In a field like liberal studies
‘Cause you funded five long years
For me and my frat buddies.

And then I’ll work for forty years
And die a tired man.
That’s why I want to skip college
And go live in my van.