Tag Archives: Children

And The Rest Is History

There once were two boys from Descartes

Who possessed pure and beautiful hearts

Until one rainy day

In a childish way

They learned how to bottle their farts…

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In Retrospect, Childhood Had Its Perks

I have to go to bed soon

And wake up before quarter-to-noon

And then drive my car

And not get a gold star

And I can’t even watch a cartoon!

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12 Vs. 22

“My tummy hurts.

My throat is sore.

I don’t want to go school no more.“

“My soul is charred.

My dreams are dead.

Take an aspirin and go to bed.”

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How Kids Tell Stories

‘Twas a Wednesday like any other

Except the part where mother

Put our pet fish in a tank

And then the army came

To get their tank back

And also the part with the lizards…

My favorite color is orange.

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Sincerely, Asian Parents

If at first you don’t succeed

Find a doctor or lawyer with which to breed

Then every day remind your kid

They need to succeed at what you never did.

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If you never rode a bicycle

From the top of dead-man’s hill

And hit 100 miles an hour

And then took a wicked spill

And sprayed your blood all everywhere

But didn’t cry one bit

Then son, you are a wussy.

If you did, you’re full of it!

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Giant peaks of scarlet leaves

Mixed with auburn, amber, gold

Summoning the child within

To leap in, safe from autumns’s cold.

Into the fallen leaves in hues

Of flame and fortune children fly

And gentle wind, October’s whisper,

Seays so gently from the sky.

Hours after laughter leaves

The leaves themselves, scattered, wild,

Echo of the past adventures

Of literal and inner child.

Pumpkin pie and jokes await

‘Til snow fulfills poor Autumn’s fate.

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How Covid REALLY Started

The school buses are back on the roads

And people are not happy.

They carry children by the loads

And make the traffic crappy.

What if instead of the buses

All the kids just stayed home sick?

Sure, the minuses outweigh the pluses

But the traffic would go quick!

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An Alternative To The Lemonade Stand

When you experience the Summer

And it’s so hot that you say “Bummer”

I have a solution to your caper:

A fan made from some folded paper!

You can make your own cool Heaven

From a folded eight-and-a-half by eleven

That you swing repeatedly at your face

And hope you cause air to displace.

This air will make your sweat go poof

And you go from hot to cool, aloof.

Buy one now! They’re really nifty!

Or buy two for just $18.50!

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Coming Soon To A Kindergarten Near You

There once was a five-year-old child

Who was happy, and ran somewhat wild.

This continued unabated

Because the child wasn’t medicated

And thus several lawsuits were filed.

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