Tag Archives: Children

Why I’m Homeschooled

I knew not how to spell “Schism”

And so I took a wild guess…

“I-t-apostrophe-s-P-

o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s.”

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Death: A Children’s Book

🤕

This is Stan.

Stan is dead.

Stan’s dead ’cause he hit his head.

😢

When you hit your head you cry

And sometimes you, like Stan, will die

👻

But if you don’t, don’t feel blue…

There are other ways to quit life too!

😷

You can die from a disease

Passed on by friends or mice or fleas.

🤑🎆

You can be killed by overwork

Or even by a firework!

🤡

A clown can kill you at a fair

(Though I’ll admit that’s rather rare)

🦘

Or you can die by kangaroo

(Though I’ll admit that that’s rare too).

❤️

Most folks die of heart disease

From not eating their broccolis.

♋️

Cancer kills a lot of folks

And it’s the butt of many jokes.

💯

Everybody’s going to die

But there’s no need for you to cry,

😤

But if you keep crying soon you can

Meet our head wound idol, Stan!

🤕

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The Making Of Shrek 3 (‘Cause 1 and 2 Are Genius)

There once was a movie

That featured a fart

And, in children, it inspired laughter.

And so it was decreed

That fart jokes were a need

In all movies for children thereafter.

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No Mrs. Brown, Carston Is Not An Angel

If you have offspring

And they are not Satan’s toys

Then you don’t know your kids

(Or you children aren’t boys).

If the latter is true

Well, it gets better dude!

If your children are girls…

I’m sorry, you’re screwed.

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😎 and 🦑 are 🥇 right now

We’ve seen names with apostrophes

And names that lack a vowel.

We have seen surnameless names

Like Retta, Link, and Farrel.

We’ve seen whatever Prince’s name

Had been known as previously.

I just hope I get to be the first

To name a kid with an Emoji.

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Side Effects Include Incontinence, Loss of Sleep, Mood Swings, And A Decrease In Bank Account Balances For 18+ Years

Is it just me or do baby names

Sound more and more like drugs?

Is Aaliyah or Grayson

Something one swallows or hugs?

Of Magdalen, Kavita,

Nunzio, and Tierneigh

Which are babies and which are options

To ask my doctor if its right for me?

There’s Allegra and Zahara,

Bahari and Alok,

Yet none of these has side-effects

According to my doc.

My hope is in the future

Parents go back so “Pam” and “Lee.”

That or RX companies

Make a drug named after me.

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Paper Heart

Twenty years or so before

I turned the age of 24

I feared to give a paper heart

To that one special lass.

Ten years after, now 14

I’ve had my eye on other queens

But my feeling for the paper heart girl

Never seems to pass.

In the present world we find

Our troubled and still childish mind

Called to give the other sex

Eternal loyalty.

I’m loyal to who understands

My paper heart and shaking hands.

Does she still exist? Perhaps

In ten more years we’ll see.

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