There once were two boys from Descartes
Who possessed pure and beautiful hearts
Until one rainy day
In a childish way
They learned how to bottle their farts…
Tag Archives: Children
In Retrospect, Childhood Had Its Perks
I have to go to bed soon
And wake up before quarter-to-noon
And then drive my car
And not get a gold star
And I can’t even watch a cartoon!
Filed under Poems
12 Vs. 22
“My tummy hurts.
My throat is sore.
I don’t want to go school no more.“
“My soul is charred.
My dreams are dead.
Take an aspirin and go to bed.”
Filed under Poems
How Kids Tell Stories
‘Twas a Wednesday like any other
Except the part where mother
Put our pet fish in a tank
And then the army came
To get their tank back
And also the part with the lizards…
My favorite color is orange.
Sincerely, Asian Parents
If at first you don’t succeed
Find a doctor or lawyer with which to breed
Then every day remind your kid
They need to succeed at what you never did.
Filed under Poems
Boyhood
If you never rode a bicycle
From the top of dead-man’s hill
And hit 100 miles an hour
And then took a wicked spill
And sprayed your blood all everywhere
But didn’t cry one bit
Then son, you are a wussy.
If you did, you’re full of it!
Filed under Poems
October
Giant peaks of scarlet leaves
Mixed with auburn, amber, gold
Summoning the child within
To leap in, safe from autumns’s cold.
Into the fallen leaves in hues
Of flame and fortune children fly
And gentle wind, October’s whisper,
Seays so gently from the sky.
Hours after laughter leaves
The leaves themselves, scattered, wild,
Echo of the past adventures
Of literal and inner child.
Pumpkin pie and jokes await
‘Til snow fulfills poor Autumn’s fate.
Filed under Poems
How Covid REALLY Started
The school buses are back on the roads
And people are not happy.
They carry children by the loads
And make the traffic crappy.
What if instead of the buses
All the kids just stayed home sick?
Sure, the minuses outweigh the pluses
But the traffic would go quick!
Filed under Poems
An Alternative To The Lemonade Stand
When you experience the Summer
And it’s so hot that you say “Bummer”
I have a solution to your caper:
A fan made from some folded paper!
You can make your own cool Heaven
From a folded eight-and-a-half by eleven
That you swing repeatedly at your face
And hope you cause air to displace.
This air will make your sweat go poof
And you go from hot to cool, aloof.
Buy one now! They’re really nifty!
Or buy two for just $18.50!
Filed under Poems
Coming Soon To A Kindergarten Near You
There once was a five-year-old child
Who was happy, and ran somewhat wild.
This continued unabated
Because the child wasn’t medicated
And thus several lawsuits were filed.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 