Tag Archives: Children

Post-Holiday Pleasures

What’s most nearly opposite

To gently falling rain,

Your lover’s gentle heartbeat,

And comfort of the brain?

The answer starts with “Someone”

And ends with “Else’s baby on a plane.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

He Later Worked For The VA

Sitting in the waiting room,

A boy of almost eight,

Who’s never missed a chance to floss,

Nor abided sugar on his plate.

The scream of dental instruments

(And of those on which they’re used)

Leave me with a sense of peace,

Sedate and much amused.

I wore a three-piece suit to school

The morning ‘fore I came.

I was born to be a dentist

Though the others call me lame.

Yet I fear I shall not meet my dream,

Not for lack of smarts or drive

But because I am indifferent

To whether patients stay alive…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Watch Out

I saw a sign while driving home

That said “Watch for Children At Play.”

Although inconvenient to not know the time

I made the trade anyway.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Trouble In Baltimore

My child asked me this morning

“If hitting is bad,

“How come people hit baseballs?”

Then he flew away.

I later discovered

He was not my child at all.

It was an oriole in disguise.

His sudden aversion to hitting

Makes sense now.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Moment Before You Concede The Custody Battle

When I was but a tiny lad,

Not more than eight years old

My mom would tell me “Go to bed”

And I’d do as I was told.

Now I tuck in my 8-year old

And say “Good night. Sweet dreams.”

And she replies “Keep lecturing me

“And they’ll never hear your screams.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

58008 is the new 90210

More men than women study math,

Professionally at least.

This is true from North to South

And also West to East.

It’s not because women are dumb

Or men like math by fate…

It’s that all boys love what happens

When you invert 7,251×8.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Why I’m Homeschooled

I knew not how to spell “Schism”

And so I took a wild guess…

“I-t-apostrophe-s-P-

o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems