Tag Archives: Children

Watch Out

I saw a sign while driving home

That said “Watch for Children At Play.”

Although inconvenient to not know the time

I made the trade anyway.

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Trouble In Baltimore

My child asked me this morning

“If hitting is bad,

“How come people hit baseballs?”

Then he flew away.

I later discovered

He was not my child at all.

It was an oriole in disguise.

His sudden aversion to hitting

Makes sense now.

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The Moment Before You Concede The Custody Battle

When I was but a tiny lad,

Not more than eight years old

My mom would tell me “Go to bed”

And I’d do as I was told.

Now I tuck in my 8-year old

And say “Good night. Sweet dreams.”

And she replies “Keep lecturing me

“And they’ll never hear your screams.”

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58008 is the new 90210

More men than women study math,

Professionally at least.

This is true from North to South

And also West to East.

It’s not because women are dumb

Or men like math by fate…

It’s that all boys love what happens

When you invert 7,251×8.

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Why I’m Homeschooled

I knew not how to spell “Schism”

And so I took a wild guess…

“I-t-apostrophe-s-P-

o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s.”

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Death: A Children’s Book

🤕

This is Stan.

Stan is dead.

Stan’s dead ’cause he hit his head.

😢

When you hit your head you cry

And sometimes you, like Stan, will die

👻

But if you don’t, don’t feel blue…

There are other ways to quit life too!

😷

You can die from a disease

Passed on by friends or mice or fleas.

🤑🎆

You can be killed by overwork

Or even by a firework!

🤡

A clown can kill you at a fair

(Though I’ll admit that’s rather rare)

🦘

Or you can die by kangaroo

(Though I’ll admit that that’s rare too).

❤️

Most folks die of heart disease

From not eating their broccolis.

♋️

Cancer kills a lot of folks

And it’s the butt of many jokes.

💯

Everybody’s going to die

But there’s no need for you to cry,

😤

But if you keep crying soon you can

Meet our head wound idol, Stan!

🤕

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The Making Of Shrek 3 (‘Cause 1 and 2 Are Genius)

There once was a movie

That featured a fart

And, in children, it inspired laughter.

And so it was decreed

That fart jokes were a need

In all movies for children thereafter.

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