Maybe I Should Quit Looking Online

My perfect girl is tallish,

Between 4’6″ and 6’11”.

She’s morally relatable,

Bound for either Hell or Heaven.

My perfect girl has two eyeballs,

Or maybe one or three.

They could be green or blue or brown

Or red. It’s all good for me.

My perfect girl has some fingers

And a near-equal number of toes.

I’m sorry that I have to be picky

But she must have fewer than two torsoes.

My perfect girl comes in all shapes

Yet all I seem to find

Are the 7’0″ five-yellow-eyed, limbo-bound, poly-torsoed

Asymnetrically-finger/toed kind.