Tag Archives: Silly

Post First-Date Form Letter V 1.0

In fair Verona, long ago

Lived fair Juliet and her Romeo,

Two kids who, about each other, raved

And whom better communication skills could have saved.

For in a land where alchemists

Can make you look dead if your parents are pissed

Informing your partner of your choice to partake

In such a substance is a wise choice to make,

But neh! Knowing better, the 15 year old

Pair of lovers thought the others needn’t be told.

And thus was a theatrical masterpiece born

To suffice in an era with no access to porn.

This is why I didn’t call;

I just want our love to conquer all.

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Never Thought I’d Miss “Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?” But Alas…

“If I were a pickled spleen

Kept in a jar for 30 years

Charged with electrical current

In a chamber full of your darkest fears,

Then released from the jar on a Sunday

And carried overseas by some birds

To attend celebrations in Istanbul

Would you still kiss me afterwards?”

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Nice Weather For Post-Commute Shenanigans 

The air was warm and friendly,

The sun a gentle golden light,

And the dirt was easily shoveled

Upon the corpse of the guy who passed me on the right.

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Dearest Saturday

I worked all week,

I sweated and toiled,

I broke my back,

My plans were foiled,

My heart was shattered,

My brain turned to goo

So that, Dearest Saturday,

I could make it to you.

I slaved and I slobbered.

My displeasures grew

As I sat through lectures

I already knew,

I held off angry clients,

Protected my pen

So that we, Dearest Saturday,

Could be one once again.

Metaphorical dragons

Have fallen before me,

Slain so I could assure

That you would not deplore me,

And although I am thankful

To not be deplored

Why is it, Dearest Saturday,

That I’m this freakin’ bored?

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Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor

Sometimes I take a bath

To ease the stress of taxation.

I fill the tub with herbs

Such as thyme for relaxation.

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Guess What I Did This Afternoon!

When arguing online you do

Your foe may fail to convince you,

May reject logic, spew rhetoric,

And end up looking pathetic,

May cite false studies, make up a fact,

Surrender any façade of tact,

May display no virtue and every sin,

But alas, my friend, you still won’t win. 

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Advice Is Appreciated

Don’t want to marry just some girl.

I’m looking for a wholesome girl.

A girl whose lack of cleavage

Warms my big platonic heart.

A girl who thinks that working’s

Not synonymous with twerking.

A girl who skips the bar

Because she wants to look at art.

I want to find a happy lass

Who doesn’t want to shake her ass,

Who goes to church on Sundays

And buys ice cream from a truck,

Who’s pure and chaste and sweet

And, instead of “lit,” says “neat.”

But I also want Beyonce,

So I’m feeling kinda stuck…

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