Tag Archives: Silly

My Solution To School Shootings (Until They Clone Chuck Norris)

They should clone Queen Elizabeth

14 billion times

So we can all have immortal bodyguards…

It’s true and it rhymes!

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Nostalgia For Days Less Wordy

I am a man who’s mostly fluent

In most things some call “incongruent.”

If you don’t swallow, you shall spewn’t.

Also, I’m not Clyde.

I hope the intro set the scene

For me to tell you what has been;

This time’s the time I met my queen,

My once and future bride.

My eyes fell softly on the wench

Who sat backwards upon a bench,

Talking to a crescent wrench

About which bands were good.

I asked the lady, “How be it

“That you who speak to hardware sit

“With legs ensconced, I do admit,

“Within that bench of wood?”

She did not reply at first,

For my manners were near the worst,

And I, my oversight, then cursed

And then addressed the tool.

Now seeing that I understood,

She said “I’m trapped within the wood

“Because I wondered if I could.”

Now I felt like a fool

And so I left her trapped within

The bench where didst our tale begin,

For sitting backwards is no sin

But merely hard to grasp.

She’s still my queen and future bride,

For I speak truth and have not lied.

When she is free, and bathed beside,

Her body I will clasp.

For who better to share a life,

Who better to be made a wife,

Than one, though trapped, can feel no strife

Though physics she has broken?

And who, from her odd point of view

Can feel a love so strong and true

Than not Clyde, whose hair isn’t blue,

Who made her heart awoken?

This tale has a moral, yes,

So close your eyes and take a guess.

Your eyes are closed… how read you this?

Anyway, I boast

That this here incongruent verse

Tells you, dear reader, of my curse

And that there are things so much worse

Than a lazy, four-line post.

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Some people are happy to be born in July

But I say those people are wrong;

Objectively, a January birthday is the best

‘Cause then you don’t have to wait as long.

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When You Ask The White Guy, “How Are You”

Some people just are lucky

By their nature it would seem,

Like take my Muslim buddy

Who I fondly call Kareem…

He fought against America

And lost both legs in the war

And now he wastes no money

Buying ladders anymore!

Or take my buddy La’Kwon

Who is bald and five-foot-three

And every February

His Valentine’s dinner is free!

Some people get to camp for free

300 days a year.

Others have no eyeballs

And they never shed a tear.

Some folks are hard of hearing

And don’t have to wear a mask

And all I can say is “I am fine,

“Whyever do you ask?”

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One Trapdoor Mishap Later…

I went through a stage when I was an actor.

I think the hole in the floor was a factor.

The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.

Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!

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So The Nuclear Button Might Bring Them Back?

Maybe, just maybe

Dragons aren’t here anymore

Because they breathed fire

But now the sky is full of air?

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Empires Fall… *Single Tear*

The Persians used to rule the world

Before they started making rugs.

The British used to rule the world

Before they gave the world free hugs.

So too the Mongols, Austria-Hungary,

Greeks, and Romans lost their graces,

But none fell more than when the Goths

Learned new ways to paint their faces…

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The Soy-Bacon of Vice

This evening I realized,

While sitting in the sauna,

Some people make a living

By baking food with marijuana.

So if you are a baker

It does appear to me

You’re basically just selling weed

With a cheaper recipe…

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Why Has No One Mentioned This Unsung Hero Yet? Conspiracy!

Amidst the “What the heck?s”

About kneeling for anthems and necks

One man has consistently stood tall:

That man is Neil Diamond,

Who protested against crime and

Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.

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Euphonious Flosculinity

I verified the veracity

Of very vermillion verbs.

The fairly ferrous fairy

Ferried very hairy herbs.

Very ferrous fairies fared

Fairly unverified.

These sayings may be meaningless

But they make me smile inside.

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