Tag Archives: Silly

Florida Man Goes Traveling

“Peculiar” is the word she used

Which made me just a bit confused.

What’s in any way peculiar about a guy

Who likes to eat burgers for lunch

With a glass of fruity punch

And, for dessert, has a slice of gator pie?

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Trials of an Amateur Magician

Massachusetts, 1692:

They say a woman joked

Telling her husband, “I got your nose!”

Within an hour the fire was stoked…

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Mother’s Always Right

My mother told me

“You know you’ve hit rock bottom

“When you spank statues.”

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Mornings

Like the breath of the moon I watched my thoughts

And sang within my heart,

Combining dreams with promises

Into an invisible art.

I listened for the absent birds

Counting seconds before they pass

Which is a more mystical way to say

I was tired so I sat on my ass.

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Is Mary In Labor Yet?

We’ve waited for a while now

To celebrate some waiting,

Expectantly expecting

To be anticipating.

Today at last the wait can end

And world peace is beginning

Until the 26th occurs

And we resume our sinning.

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*Rapidly Buys Stock In Scarf Company*

If you throw plastic in the trash

I hope you realize

That you might be the reason

A baby turtle dies

And if, because of plastic,

Sea turtles end up dead

They can’t make turtleneck sweaters anymore

And you’ll have to wear scarves instead.

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The Real Reason For Bread And Water In Prison

Want to give stopping crime a try?

We’ve got police and the FBI,

The CIA and TSA

And yet crime just won’t go away!

I have a method that may just work:

If somebody is being a jerk

Feed them lots of food, ’cause who

Commits a crime when they have to poo?

When perpetrators are constipated

You’ll find most violence had abated;

If you don’t want to end up dead

Feed potential felons bread.

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