I’m not so concerned about politicians
With approval rates at historical lows.
Instead I’m concerned that armed rebellion
Is still unpopular, but hey, that’s how it goes.
Tag Archives: Silly
Maybe If We Got One Of Those Video Games The Kids Like And Put Guns In It? Have We Tried That Yet?
Filed under Poems
My Response To Deodorant Salespeople
If God intended
Men to have scentless armpits
He’d have made us snakes.
Filed under Poems
Memoirs Of An Ass
They call me smart, they call me dumb,
They call me nice, and yet a bum,
The call me wise, they call me fat,
And somehow I am all of that.
As a body part, you love me;
As a personality, you hate
There’s a decent chance that I’m the thing
That helped you get a date.
So grab me or embrace me
In body and in soul
But please personify my cheek
And steer clear of my hole.
Filed under Poems
Eight Hours Of Peace And Quiet
Toilet seats are cold
Unless you stay on them ‘til
The next needed time.
Filed under Poems
When In Doubt, Honeydew Not
If you eat some fruit that’s mushy
It’ll put a fire in your tushy.
If you think that it will not…
I’m writing on the pot.
Filed under Poems
The Consequences of Social Media Engagement
There once was a reader named collectionspeedyae66825e51
Who cut the wire on my post from two days ago and now it’s done…
Tomorrow looks at the news
And see what collectionspeedyae66825e51 did choose,
But for now I’m going to collectionspeedyae66825e5 RUN!
Filed under Poems
Historically Possible
The Samurai saw a leather hat
With bills to block the sun
And said (probably in Japanese)
“That does not look so fun.”
So the cowboys took it
And thus the West was won
And I would wisely wager
That’s why the Samurai are done.
Filed under Poems
Supervillains In The Time Of Social Media
So no one pressed the button
And no one cut the wire
And the number of both tocks and ticks
Is growing ever higher
And I’ve haggled and I’ve cackled
And liked, shared, and commented
But my existential ticking threat
Has in no psyche cemented.
I’m once again tequesting
That you face a villainous choice:
Press the button or cut the wire.
Go on and raise your voice!
That’s all for now my puny foes
And future grimly-oppressed.
Now I’m off to my one-bedroom lair
To scheme and be despressed
Filed under Poems
This Year For Christmas I Want Racially Accurate Casting In Supporting Roles
I know not of the origin
Of the fateful racial feud
Between the dwarves and elves of old
Nor how such hate ensued,
But the modern dwarf/elf rivalry
Is almost certainly due
To hiring dwarves at Christmas time
To dress as Santa’s crew.
Filed under Poems
When Your Economics Professor Has To Talk His Way Out Of A Shady Deal
If you sell your soul to the devil
And try to buy it back
You’ll find Beelzebub unwilling
To grant you any slack,
But if you do convince him
You’ll need to pay back more
Than whatever you decided
To originally sell it for.
This proves that souls are subject
To monetary inflation
As non-fungible timeless artifacts
With finite monetary evaluations
And thus I say a human life
Gets more valuable with age
From a monetary point of view.
Now let me out of this cage.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 