If you really squint
You’ll get much better at math.
Sincerely, China.
Tag Archives: Silly
An Excerpt From My Autobiography
If you play a sport
And you get to choose your team
Picking a poet first overall
Is smarter than it would seem.
If you pick a jock
You may score higher points
Thanks to their atheleticism
And overall healthier joints
But if you pick a poet
They’ll get injured within a minute
And then you don’t have to play sports
And that’s the real goal, innit?
Filed under Poems
Their Legacy Lives On
The upside of old soldiers
In the abs and armor era
Having kids when they were 15
Is that they’d ensure they’d share a
Portion of their DNA
Despite dying in war
Because the guys who choose the front lines
Were rarely 24.
As a result, some children
Are descendants of the guys
Who ran headfirst into battle
Despite their lackluster size,
Their lack of wealth or breeding,
Their dearth of brawn or brain,
Exhibiting no hesitance
For their inevitable pain.
A dozen generations passed
And still their genes live on,
Ensuring the survival
Of their service-minded spawn.
My only wish is that these offspring
With mind and courage of a beast
Would stop running for office
(Or stop winning, at least).
Filed under Poems
Reachable Goals
I hope someday AI
Will steal something I make
And put it on a motivational poster
That a kid will learn is fake
And that the insincere message
Will be that child’s final straw
And they’ll achieve cynical nirvana.
Is that a character flaw?
Filed under Poems
Guilty Consciences
I used words like “pedantic”
To demonstrate my wit.
I followed academia
To drink from wisdom’s tit.
I had A’s and opinions
And the public called me smart
All to hide my guilty secret:
I giggled at a fart.
Filed under Poems
Survivorship Bias
I want National Geographic
To offer a promotion
Where everyone gets a free wild boar.
The results will be graphic
But I have the notion
The world’s average IQ will soar.
Filed under Poems
You’re Welcome
Happy day of motherhood
To all the moms who mother good
For all the kids that mothers had
Through collaboration with a dad.
My mom had but children two.
One is me. The other’s probably not you.
I was the second, and my mom said
“Better quit while I’m ahead.”
My mom mothered day and night
And must have done something just right
To raise a glorious son like me
Who writes her lovely poetry.
Now separate as we may be,
If only geographically,
I’ll always hold you in my heart
Because you made my heart first start.
And Then The Lord Did Unfriend Me
God made me a sandwich
And told me not to tell
But that’s my coolest story
So I’ll see all y’all in hell.
Filed under Poems
Maybe If We Got One Of Those Video Games The Kids Like And Put Guns In It? Have We Tried That Yet?
I’m not so concerned about politicians
With approval rates at historical lows.
Instead I’m concerned that armed rebellion
Is still unpopular, but hey, that’s how it goes.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 