Tag Archives: Silly

Prelude to Sporking, If Ya Know What I Mean…

I’m not the kind to boast too much

But I attract those of feminine form.

I now propose a toast to such

In the hope such becomes the new norm.

There’ve been times in my past when companions are sparse,

Even times when there haven’t been any

But if one commits some subtle financial farce

A billfold makes none into many.

Never before have I seen such excitement

Or felt less akin to a dunce

When they paid for my patented eating utensil

Which is fork and spoon both, but at once!

Thus is my secret to wooing the broads.

Whoever would even have thought

That inventing the spork would improve my odds

Of females considering me hot?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Short Story Long…

Yesterday, I swore

To put in the work,

In no effort fail

And in no duty shirk,

With hopes that what came

Would be “awesome and clever.”

I fulfill that promise

This evening. However…

I spent the afternoon

Teaching and gaming

Then followed that up

With some Pokemon taming.

Now with just 32

Minutes to go

‘Til what is today

Becomes what’s tomorrow

I write out this poem

With many a rhyme

So that reading it all

Will take you a long time,

The idea being

If you must work hard

You’ll think me more effortful

And, thus, a good bard.

And if you stopped reading

Before that confession,

Having been turned off

By your own first impression

Or else by the length

Of the stuff with no point

Then you, with the title

Of “dude,” I anoint.

Alas, as I wrap up

These meaningless stanzas,

The latest of many

Poem-stravaganzas

I shed but one tear

For the non-finishers who’d

Feel so happy knowing

I’d anointed them “dude.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

This Poem Rhymes If Your Accent Is Creative Enough

There once was an American skier

Who fell off a Canadian pier.

He yelled, “I broke my foot!”

Some bystanders asked, “What?”

Then one said, “Oh! His one-third of a meter!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Origin Story

Once upon a space and time

A man who was not paid to rhyme

Devoted much attention to

Forcing his “humor” on you.

He spent a day amidst his folks

Without thinking of rhyming jokes.

The last two days he’d been lazy

So to slack off now would make him crazy.

Thus he started writing, it’s said

When a title popped into his head.

What he’d written did not fit

But he did not not give a… spit.

Anyway, I’m writing still

Although perhaps I battle uphill.

Yes, the tense is present now

And I wipe sweat from my brow.

(Even though my brow is sweatless

I actually wiped it. That’s how much I get this).

If you’ve seen this, you have read it.

This is why most poets edit.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Typical Bird Answer…

A young male eagle was hunting

And swooped down on a dove.

He asked his girl, “What now?”

And his girl squawked, “Eat prey, love.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Greetings! Just Kidding… Spanish Lemon

He came to the comedian’s house

And said, “Gimme water, yo!”

I handed him a glass of hijklmno

Or, as some call it, H2O.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Bird Flu

I found what I thought was a condor

That was terribly sick with the flu.

But my asian vet said, “That’s ill eagle”

And now I don’t know what to do…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Sometime In The 1800’s Maybe?

Once upon a time

A guy tried something new

For no reason besides

To see what stuff would do.

Afterwards he used

What he found as an appliance

And thus was born the toaster

And, with it, modern science.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Why Amazon Makes Billions A Day

Sam was 28 years old,

Had never seen the sun,

Had never eaten chocolate,

Never had any fun,

Had never hugged a puppy

And got stung by a bee

And he’s telling the cashier about it

Right in front of me…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Last Save: 7:59 Am -Pompeii, 79 AD…

This is the point in history

Where things aren’t going well,

But you aren’t very worried yet

Because you know a spell

That opens up a menu

Where you reload your latest save

And go back to start on easy mode

Instead of to your grave.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems