Every problem in the world
Can be solved with one of these:
WD-40, a well-timed bullet,
Or a bag of frozen peas.
Tag Archives: Silly
What Ever Happened To Manners?
Sometimes I ask myself
“Is talking to myself weird?”
Then some guy next to me says
“Yes”
And my internal monologue and I
Make knowing eye contact
And just walk away from Mr-All-About-Me.
Filed under Poems
The Winds (And Brass) Of Change
The Devil came back from Georgia
Having lost a fiddle battle
And decided to get his fit revenge
By giving humanity the paddle.
Still inspired by his suffering
He made child development writers
Into his own special breed
Of human happiness fighters.
In this case he inspired them
To decree that all children
From two-years-old should learn
To play the violin,
That all of them, talent or not,
Should learn of Mary’s little lamb
And whether or not they played it well
He didn’t give a damn.
And that’s how orchestras were made
Just as the Devil planned.
This story brought to you by a guy
Who plays in a concert band.
Filed under Poems
And Thus, Potholes (They’ll Never See The Punchline Coming)
We have plenty of handicapped parking
And ramps for the wheelchair-bound.
We have moving electronic messages
For people who cannot hear sound
So I think our next great endeavor
To protect our beloved blind folks
Is to cover all sidewalks and roadways
With laugh-out-loud braille jokes.
Filed under Poems
Down With That?
Sexy pillow fights
Probably aren’t as fun to watch
If you are a goose.
Filed under Poems
It Sounds Latin, So That’s A Bonus
If you purchased a domain name
And nobody impeded it
You could sell it for a fortune
To a company who needed it.
Just think of things like X.com
MySpace, Roflol, or MAGA;
If you owned any of those sites
You could earn a big old bagga
Cash. So I propose to you
The greatest oversight
That could make you a millionaire
Potentially overnight:
There is a thriving industry
For the friend of Harry and Tom…
I suggest someone should purchase
DickusEnlargicus.com
Filed under Poems
5 ≠ 5
If you go forty miles per hour
In a thirty-five zone
Most people would agree
To leave well enough alone.
But if you’re going thirty
In that same thirty-five space
I have for you bad news
About the future of your face.
Filed under Poems
Viagra For Dummies
If you don’t read these directions
Enjoy your twelve hour erections.
Filed under Poems
5689 (Making Lemonade)
Tonight I logged onto my blog
Although the hour was late
And saw that people liked my post
Just called “5688”.
Apparently my mind designed
To make my memory marred
To the degree that writing out
A title was too hard.
But mind, I am resilient!
Your trick’s a hidden blessing!
Now I know how many posts
I’ve written without guessing.
So here’s to poem 5689
And the many more to come;
The great, the late, on every date
And, most of all, the dumb.
Filed under Poems
YouTube Circa 1564
Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate
For thou hast used our deodorant spray
And got ten percent off with code “Sonnet”.
Sometimes too hot the eye of Heaven shines
But thy armpits know no unwelcome wet.
Aluminum and pareben free, thine’s
The finest deodorant on the net.
Thus thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor sweat defile the dryness of they blouse
Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade
For thou art fresh as if stay’d in thy house.
This deal shall last not longer than a day
So click mine link affiliate and slay.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 