Tag Archives: Silly

The Two Great Sources Of Human Suffering

The greatest mistakes man has committed

Are deferring their joy to be wealthy

And the not telling a lie when it was discovered

That eating kale was healthy.


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Quick Bonus Poem

If you want to feel sadder

Than you’ve ever felt

Imagine a world

In which cheese doesn’t melt.

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The 900-Year-Old Virgin

I discovered a Star Wars easter egg

That no one’s noticed yet.

The Jedi forbid romantic love

In times the prequels set.

This ban on love and marriage

As a staple of Jedi law

Lasted from Yoda’s infancy

To his death on Dagobah.

So the Easter egg I mentioned

That everybody missed

Is Yoda was Disney’s Frog Prince

That no one ever kissed.

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A Poem Is Only A Poem If You Don’t Understand It (Chicks Dig Metapoetry)

Wherefore do we seek a verse

From yonder parent, babe, or nurse

To instruct us in verbal mosaic

Both obfuscatory and archaic?

Wherefore, also I must ask,

Do we encourage such a task

Except to inhabit the proverbial sack

With those who a Y chromosome lack?

And yet contests and prizes plenty

Abound for verses-sentimenty.

Especially now that need of a bard

Is largely supplanted by the Hallmark card.

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The Hippies Are Alive And Well

Sometimes I like to sit

And feel the wind between my toes,

To plant some seeds behind my ears

And see if something grows,

To boil a pot of water

Then cool it with my breath.

I call it “life with nature.”

Dad calls it “side-effects of meth.”

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Playing With A Too-Full Deck

The young bet on clubs

And slowly lose their mind.

The grown bet on diamonds

And what they seek, they find.

The old bet on spades

And in time all follow suit.

For those who bet on hearts

Best be rich, or else be cute.

Yet I drew five jokers…

I’m either destined for greatness

Or I bet on too many clubs.

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Now I’m Going To Get A Bunch Of Calls And Texts From Concerned People Who Think I’m Depressed When, No, I’m Just Not Particularly Inspired And MyPrevious Poems Involved How Much I Hate Zucchini And Soccer So I Figured I’d Just Publish This One. (Also, Around The Time I Wrote “Poems” In This Title I Became Unable To See What I Was Typing Because My Phone’s Screen Is Too Small So Please Forgive Any Tupoes). Also, Is There A Limit To How Long A Title Can Be?

If I weren’t so cynical

I’d probably be equally sad,

Not because I’m cynical

But because the world’s just bad.

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