Tag Archives: Silly

You Canโ€™t Do It Alone

He found the perfect woman

And he bought the perfect ring

And he planned a perfect marriage

For a perfect queen and king.

Together in the gardens

He knelt and asked, “Would you…?”

And she took a knee beside him

And they silently protested racial injustice in sports.

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I Dream of England

Jerry was snoring

In bed in New Hamphire.

“Zzz” was the sound from his head.

Gerald was snoring

In the Hampshire of olde,

And onlookers heard “Zedzedzed.”

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Grief + Caffeine =

Woe is me, woe is me

For my true love is dead.

She woke up one morning

With one fewer head.

It cannot be real!

It must be a fake!

I’m angry as hell

Thanks to someone’s mistake!

Oh, what would I give

To return her to life?

Oh what’s the use anyway?

Let’s get on with life.

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Why Your Meat Choice Matters

For every chicken they kill

To sell at the store

When apocalypse comes

That’s one skeleton more.

For every boneless chicken

You bring home to roast

When apocalypse comes

That’s just one more ghost.

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The REAL Cause of Global Warming (and How to Fix It)

Before the internet was made

Antarctica was nice:

Just peaceful people chilling

On an endless sheet of ice.

But after wifi came along

Antarctica, once fine,

Fell immediately into

Inescapable decline

Because one lonely penguin

(Or perhaps a polar bear)

Signed on to ye olde internet

Just to see what’s there.

That was when the searcher

Received the first and fatal clue:

“Are you feeling lonely?

“Check out hot singles near you.”

Now I am not a penguin

(Nor am I a polar bear)

But whatever sorry animal saw

The advertisement there

Went looking for hot singles

Due to loneliness they felt,

Not thinking that the hotness

Just might cause the ice to melt.

Now we find Antarctica

Is little more than ocean

Because of one’s animal needs

(At least that is my notion).

So if we want the glaciers back

And want to stop tides rising

My must delete the internet

(At least that’s my surmising).

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Feel The Burn

I’m not a really kinky dude

(As you may have surmised)

So I don’t know if this is real

But I wouldn’t be surprised:

There should be a dating site

For folks who “sub” or “dom”

To meet in public places…

“Strike-Anywhere Match.com”

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And The Lord Made The Oceans…

Some folks say that God is dead,

But that’s misinformation.

The real truth is God is gone

On one big long vacation.

He asked his faithful angel pal

To water his plant before bed,

But the angel pal misread the note

And watered the planet instead.

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When People Write In Nothing But Emojis

The longest month of springtime,

A ball that helps you see,

A band with too much makeup,

And a goat we named “Marie.”

I meant to be romantic

But she had no clue

That I was simply asking

“May I kiss you?”

๐Ÿ“†๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐ŸŽต๐Ÿ?

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The String Theory of Christmas

‘Twas the night after Christmas

And the night before too…

Santa worked with the time machine

‘Til he turned blue,

For he needed to ship out

A few billion presents

To all of the children

Of all of the peasants.

The flux gear grew wonky

(Which you’ll see is not great)

And entangled poor Santa

Into some quantum state.

For Santa existed

And yet he did not,

As is demonstrable by

Some guy “Schroedinger’s” thought.

And so if you ask

“Mama, is Santa flying?”

She should say “yes AND no,”

Or else mama is lying.

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At Least The Pills Are Small

If you’re an ant

And you just can’t

Because of your upset tummy

So you eat a tum

And murmur “yum”

Because you’re not a dummy

But then you’re sad

And feel bad

And wish the pain hadn’t pass-ed

You take a bite

That feels right

Of an ant-anti-antacid.

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