Tag Archives: Dating

The Answer, At Last!

All the single ladies

Ask where all the good men went,

Dreaming of the good old days

When the six-foot-plus millionaires

Without egos or exes

Would contact them conveniently

And buy them stuff

All without leaving the house.

Meanwhile the six-foot-plus

Drama-free millionaires

Are in their basements

Roleplaying car thieves

And writing bad poetry blogs.

You’re welcome.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Solvers and The Havers

Most men enjoy solving problems;

It gives them a meaningful life.

Alas, this is not something wanted

By most men’s eventual wife.

A man will fix up an auto,

A house, a business, a toy,

But it’s not solving problems but having them

That I’ve noticed most women enjoy.

A woman takes pleasure in saying

“I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m gross,”

Because other women say “me too”

And by such connection grow close.

If a man tells another “I’m hungry”

Another will say “have a snack”

And the problem is solved with five words

And the men to their task may go back.

Now the trouble occurs when the solvers

Treat problem-lovers the same:

A woman says “I’m bored,” and the man

Says “go play a video game.”

Now if the woman obeys him

She’ll prob’ly no longer be bored

And thus need another discomfort

Until her drama-quota’s restored,

So the man has given a solution

Which really won’t help her a bit

So she says “you don’t understand me!”

And runs off and calls him a git.

The man is confused by her answer

But has a solution to that:

He says to himself “bitch be crazy”

And then changes the sink in his flat.

So men, if you want to help women

Be happy then here’s what to do:

Have lots of flaws in your character

So she’ll always have drama with you.

And women, you know how to please a man

And don’t need advising from me,

But (as a man I must say this)

Without drama how happy you’ll be!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

And I Realize I Should Have Forwarded Those Chain Emails After All

I stand atop the rocky cliff

Above the salty ocean blue

And shout to myself “how lovely

“And beautiful are you!”

I stand atop the rocky shore

Above the crashing waves below

And my echo calls back softly

“Whoa now! Let’s take this slow.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Hey Girl! Check Out My MPGs

I’m the Rolls Royce of romance,

The Lamborghini of love,

The Audi of ardor

And the driver thereof.

I’m a Bentley of bravery.

You’re a Cadillac cutie.

Alas I’m the Smart Car

Of wealth, status, and beauty.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Never Date A “Journalist”

I said “I can’t go dancing

Because of Plantar’s Fasciitis.”

She said “isn’t that when gardeners

Vote for Trump just to spite us?”

I laughed a bit too much I guess.

I thought it was just banter.

Now I’m mocked on Buzzfeed

For being a fascist planter.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

She’s Not Worth It

A girl whom I admire

Asked me “do you want to go

“To an all-inclusive, safe-space

“Fair-trade, vegan comedy show?”

She said, if not, I could suggest

Something I think’s more fun

Which is why this weekend

I got a colonoscopy done.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Dating Asian Women?

My girlfriend left me yesterday,

Just took her stuff and went,

Yet left behind a little gift

For her now former-gent.

She left a bottle of soy sauce,

My sorrows for to drown.

She just could not resist the urge

To Kikkoman when he’s down.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems