Tag Archives: Dating

Butt Weight… There’s More

I like girls who are polite

And women who are modest.

I like girls with joie de vivre

Although they’re not the hottest.

I like girls who demonstrate

A sense of generosity

Yet girls I meet prefer to flaunt

Their callipygiosity.

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My Dating Algorithm (1-10)

To find a man’s value

Divide his income by 10,000

Then subtract two to compensate.

To find a woman’s value

Call her a ten

(If she has a penis, call her an eight).

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This Problem Doesn’t Happen For Board Game Dates

I asked her out to eat with me

At Chez Insertnamehere.

It was a place with candlelight

And very expensive beer.

After our romantic dinner

Conversation hit a lull.

She said “Let’s have dinner again,”

But, alas, I was already full.

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When She Says “Don’t Kill The Spider… Just Take It Outside”

After the date, I told her

“I want to see you

“As often as I see

“Google search, page 2”

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A Six-Figure Sense Of Humor

She offered me a sandwich

And I said “Thank you dear.”

She sighed and asked “What would you do

“If I were to disappear?”

I said “I’d eat steak every day

“And be left with much more money.”

She scowled, so I bought her jewelry

And now she thinks I’m funny.

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A Male Perspective

Your presence is like ice cream

Eaten with a wooden spoon

While a puppy sits upon my lap

Some Sunday afternoon.

Your voice is like a raindrop

After seven years of drought.

I’m acting like a macho dude

For fear that you’ll find out.

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Not Based On A True Story At All…

Here I am and in my prime,

No need for fear, no lack of time,

My IQ’s high, my flaws are few,

But there’s one foe I’ve yet to slew.

Somehow I feel my knees go weak

If, to a stranger, I must speak.

I can solve equations in my head

But not control the sense of dread

That spreads from pate to waist to toes

When I must speak to Jane or Rose.

I know Shakespeare, Austen, Keats,

But not wherefore my heart so beats.

Perhaps I’ve read too many tomes

To mix with non-y-chromosomes?

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