Tag Archives: Dating

Suck It, Hanging Gardens Of Babylon!

It rises like a mountain,

Slopes gently like a hill,

Softer than a lullaby

And gives me such a thrill;

A spectacle, a marvel,

And my mouth will never shut

As I gaze with loving splendor

On my girl’s majestic butt.

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Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…

Sometimes I look in the mirror

And see myself staring at me,

And when I clean the glass it gets clearer

And I know it’s my face that I see

And I look at myself and think “Wow!

“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”

And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive

And thus space out when you start talking.

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Troubleshooting

This year I’ve devoted a considerable portion of time to two activities: Dating, and IT support. While normally doing both of these at the same time decreases the enjoyment in both activities, I’ve realized the two have a lot more in common than one might think. For example:

1. Bars are not good places to look for women or computers.

2. Most things you can’t recover from occur because of memory failures.

3. While tempting, upgrading to newer models is expensive and prone to supply shortages.

4. You will be appreciated for your people skills, not your technical expertise.

5. If you need to look up answers in a book, do it when you’re alone.

6. If something is smoking and/or leaking fluid, RUN!

7. You can know how things work, but you’ll rarely know why.

8. You sound smart if you notice incremental changes in appearance.

9. Nobody wants to hear graphic details (or details about graphics).

10. Most of the time you screw up, the error message comes too late to fix anything.

And the ultimate key:

11. When in doubt, make sure it’s turned on.

Also, the more energy you put in, the hotter everything gets.

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Women Turning Down Dates Be Like…

I wanted to take a moment

To tell you I adore

The way you walk, the way you talk,

The way you smile. What’s more

I wanted to appreciate

How kind you are to me.

Like rain in Spring, new life you bring

To everyone you see!

You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,

As well as smart and brave.

You’re a man no woman can

Deny she’s always craved.

I think you’re the pinnacle

Of manliness. So there!

But I can’t go to see that show

‘Cause I have to wash my hair.

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Ordinary Life

The hours we spent painting gnome houses

And the hours we spent playing games

And the meals and walking

And laughing and talking

And whispering each others’ names,

The hour we spent after bedtime

Just wrapped in each other, in love,

And the sweet half an hour

That I was your tower

And your lips glowed from starlight above,

A greeting, a morning, a breakfast, adventure,

The downtime, the party, the kiss:

I cannot be lonely when you are my only;

No time was spent better than this.

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Forever Mine

I’m not afraid to make it known

I want this more than you.

I want to find a partner

Who is loyal, kind, and true.

I only want to have one talk,

A talk that never ends,

And to be more than lovers:

To be two forever friends.

I want you to have my kids,

To raise, protect, and feed.

I want to be your every want

And fill your every need.

I want to text you memes at night,

House hunt with you on Zillow,

And when we are a world apart

To smell you on my pillow.

Tonight and every night from now

I’ll wish upon a star

And ask whatever gods may be

To show me who you are.

Until the stars or gods or fate

Fulfill this wish of mine

I’ll work to be the man you want

To call “Forever Mine.”

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What A Catch!

She doesn’t play mind games.

She doesn’t hate pets.

These days that’s quite close to as good as it gets.

She isn’t ugly.

She isn’t mean.

She’s the not-baddest person that I’ve ever seen.

She has other friends.

She gets off the couch.

Her spirit animal is not Oscar the Grouch.

She’s not into drama.

She’s not a KGB spy.

My only concern is that “she” is a guy.

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How To Get Six-Pack Abs In Five Days (Or Something)

When one has blogged as much as I

One comes to realize

A lot of the view’s one’s blog receives

Come not from human eyes

But from advertising robots

That search for stuff that’s trending

Like Biden, Bitcoin, Keto, Xbox,

And how the world is ending.

Make this go viral… I dare you : )

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Where Have All The Good Pets Gone?

I want a furry turtle

That will snuggle me in bed

With a leopard-patterned belly

And a capybara’s head,

Thats softer than a kitten

And convenient as a fish

That’s 6-feet plus and makes $100k…

Is that too much to wish?

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Dating In The Country Be Like…

I hear her dad has fewer teeth

Than guns hung on his walls…

I heard her seven brothers

Got among ’em 19 balls…

I’ve heard her mom got famous

As a former L.A. Ram…

But I heard she ain’t got no beard

So I don’t give a damn!

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