Tag Archives: Dating

Betting On A Diamond

You couldn’t love a gambling man,

A pal who plays the odds,

Who shakes the dice and throws a wrench

In the plans of man and Gods.

You said you’d never take a chance

On a poker-faced son

But I’d bet if you took a chance

You’d find me pretty fun.

You used to ace your math exams.

You were the queen of school

But the odds weren’t in your favor

With Jack, the king of cool.

Jack would have told you “yes, of course”

If you asked him to dance

But no-go there! You didn’t dare

To take this simple chance.

So Jack’s bad luck’s my inside straight

So let me take the shot:

If you give me your hand of fate

You may just win a lot.

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Relationship Goals

“Hey girl”, I texted.

“What’s up?” She replied.

Then I flashed back to the first three minutes of Pixar’s masterpiece, “Up”

And inevitably cried.

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That Went Whale…

There once was a lovely young seal

Who captured my sea-mammal heart.

She had an adorable squeal

That made all my fantasies start.

I asked her to go for a drink with me

At a hip new place called “Chez Rubbing”.

But I scared her away. I’d forgotten

That seal babes aren’t fans of clubbing.

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Jasmine Is Not A Fan Of Arabian Heat

Mohammed had a magic carpet

That very ably flew;

It could go zero to sixty

In precisely 8.2

But Aladdin had a carpet

With a sunroof and AC

So the choice of who to date

Was obvious to me!

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Suck It, Hanging Gardens Of Babylon!

It rises like a mountain,

Slopes gently like a hill,

Softer than a lullaby

And gives me such a thrill;

A spectacle, a marvel,

And my mouth will never shut

As I gaze with loving splendor

On my girl’s majestic butt.

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Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…

Sometimes I look in the mirror

And see myself staring at me,

And when I clean the glass it gets clearer

And I know it’s my face that I see

And I look at myself and think “Wow!

“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”

And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive

And thus space out when you start talking.

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Troubleshooting

This year I’ve devoted a considerable portion of time to two activities: Dating, and IT support. While normally doing both of these at the same time decreases the enjoyment in both activities, I’ve realized the two have a lot more in common than one might think. For example:

1. Bars are not good places to look for women or computers.

2. Most things you can’t recover from occur because of memory failures.

3. While tempting, upgrading to newer models is expensive and prone to supply shortages.

4. You will be appreciated for your people skills, not your technical expertise.

5. If you need to look up answers in a book, do it when you’re alone.

6. If something is smoking and/or leaking fluid, RUN!

7. You can know how things work, but you’ll rarely know why.

8. You sound smart if you notice incremental changes in appearance.

9. Nobody wants to hear graphic details (or details about graphics).

10. Most of the time you screw up, the error message comes too late to fix anything.

And the ultimate key:

11. When in doubt, make sure it’s turned on.

Also, the more energy you put in, the hotter everything gets.

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Women Turning Down Dates Be Like…

I wanted to take a moment

To tell you I adore

The way you walk, the way you talk,

The way you smile. What’s more

I wanted to appreciate

How kind you are to me.

Like rain in Spring, new life you bring

To everyone you see!

You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,

As well as smart and brave.

You’re a man no woman can

Deny she’s always craved.

I think you’re the pinnacle

Of manliness. So there!

But I can’t go to see that show

‘Cause I have to wash my hair.

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Ordinary Life

The hours we spent painting gnome houses

And the hours we spent playing games

And the meals and walking

And laughing and talking

And whispering each others’ names,

The hour we spent after bedtime

Just wrapped in each other, in love,

And the sweet half an hour

That I was your tower

And your lips glowed from starlight above,

A greeting, a morning, a breakfast, adventure,

The downtime, the party, the kiss:

I cannot be lonely when you are my only;

No time was spent better than this.

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Forever Mine

I’m not afraid to make it known

I want this more than you.

I want to find a partner

Who is loyal, kind, and true.

I only want to have one talk,

A talk that never ends,

And to be more than lovers:

To be two forever friends.

I want you to have my kids,

To raise, protect, and feed.

I want to be your every want

And fill your every need.

I want to text you memes at night,

House hunt with you on Zillow,

And when we are a world apart

To smell you on my pillow.

Tonight and every night from now

I’ll wish upon a star

And ask whatever gods may be

To show me who you are.

Until the stars or gods or fate

Fulfill this wish of mine

I’ll work to be the man you want

To call “Forever Mine.”

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