When I see modern people
Here’s what’s going through my mind:
The eye of the beholder
Must be legally blind.
You think a girl is only pretty
If she’s so young they have to card her
And a man is only worthy
If he works hard and plays harder.
While taking off your shirt
Can be your gender-neutral ace
You can be even more attractive
By putting metal in your face.
You know a girl’s high-status
If she can get a friend to snap her
A photo for her profile
Besides the mirror in the crapper.
If you lack a personality
Emojiis have your back.
If all else fails chicks dig it
When you compliment their rack.
These days you are a chauvinist
By opening a door
But if you care about her day
You come off as a bore.
We relegate the olden days
Away on mental shelves.
We may still lay coats over puddles
But now we step on them ourselves.