A Eulogy For Chivalry

When I see modern people

Here’s what’s going through my mind:

The eye of the beholder

Must be legally blind.

You think a girl is only pretty
If she’s so young they have to card her

And a man is only worthy

If he works hard and plays harder.

While taking off your shirt

Can be your gender-neutral ace

You can be even more attractive

By putting metal in your face.

You know a girl’s high-status

If she can get a friend to snap her

A photo for her profile

Besides the mirror in the crapper.

If you lack a personality

Emojiis have your back.

If all else fails chicks dig it

When you compliment their rack.

These days you are a chauvinist

By opening a door

But if you care about her day

You come off as a bore.

We relegate the olden days

Away on mental shelves.

We may still lay coats over puddles

But now we step on them ourselves.

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