Tag Archives: Cynical

Criminal Justice 101

For those who aren’t aware,

Jail and prison are not the same.

To help remember which is which

You can play this little game:

If you piss off any cop

You’ll go to a jail cell.

If you’re either poor or black

You’ll go to prison as well.

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Deshaun Recalls His Scholastic Endeavors

I didn’t learn much at public school

But I remember the important stuff

Like “Everything in the world is free

“If you can run fast enough.”

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Black Humor?

Leo asked, “Would you like to eat African food?”

We voted, and most voted, “Yea.”

Having said yes, Leo said, “Then I guess

“You and Africans feel the same way.”

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Giant Meteor: Not A Viable Candidate… Too Likeable

If you say the truth’s important

But you’re lying,

If you say you’re in perfect health

But you’re dying,

If you say you’re a real lady

But you’re a gent

I think you have a shot to be

The US President.

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Lucky for Me… I’m a 3!

She was meretricious

And he was five-foot-two

And yet somehow between them

Amorous feelings grew.

He thought she was a goddess

And she thought he was funny.

So go the lives of 4’s and 5’s

When they have boobs or money.

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2021

Deep below, the hipster slugs

Are killing worms and taking drugs

And handing out free slimy hugs

And chanting “Slug Lives Matter.”

High above, against the odds,

Someone applauds the gastropods

And, thinking they are modern gods,

Eat escargot and grow fatter.

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Conversation Openers

My wife starts conversations

By saying, “Hey there honey!”

My son starts conversations

By saying, “I need money.”

But no one beats my daughter

Who starts to talk to me

With, “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said!

“I hate you! OMG!”

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Extinction, Past and Future

I used to be a Dodo bird

But then I went extinct.

I came back as a Quagga

And then a Cape Verde Great Skink.

I’ve been a Passenger Pigeon

And even a Lesser Bilby.

I’ve yet to be a 5’11 male human

But soon, I fear, I will be…

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That Last One Will Hit You All Over The Place

No one will evacuate

For Hurricane Irma or Steve.

Those aren’t the type of names

That make Floridians leave.

I think we need more hurricanes

Like Hurricane Buried Alive,

Hurricane Dirt-On-The-Clintons,

Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.

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We’ve Come A Long Way Since “Pong”

“Hey Mr. Producer Guy,

I’ve got a game idea

Where two people survive the apocalypse.”

“Sure, Mr. designer guy,

But instead of death and zombies

Make the focus on blooming relationships.”

“Great idea, but what if

Instead of playing through the game

Players watched long, scripted movies of themselves?”

“And what about having

Unskippable gay sex missions?

It’ll fly right off the shelves!”

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