Tag Archives: Cynical

That Last One Will Hit You All Over The Place

No one will evacuate

For Hurricane Irma or Steve.

Those aren’t the type of names

That make Floridians leave.

I think we need more hurricanes

Like Hurricane Buried Alive,

Hurricane Dirt-On-The-Clintons,

Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.

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We’ve Come A Long Way Since “Pong”

“Hey Mr. Producer Guy,

I’ve got a game idea

Where two people survive the apocalypse.”

“Sure, Mr. designer guy,

But instead of death and zombies

Make the focus on blooming relationships.”

“Great idea, but what if

Instead of playing through the game

Players watched long, scripted movies of themselves?”

“And what about having

Unskippable gay sex missions?

It’ll fly right off the shelves!”

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Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

If you think saying “Spongebob’s gay”

Will make the haters go away

Then I am most inclined to say

You’re stupid and you’re wrong.

If you think that posting signs

And standing tall in protest lines

Will make the “bads” turn into “fines”

I’ll sing a different song.

If you think that making noise

About police and childrens’ toys

And how some girls are really boys

Is going to change a heart

Then I will proudly bear the news:

Insulting those with different views

Won’t stop the “other people” blues,

But listening? There’s a start!

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Wanna Hang Out?

I said “If”

She said, “Did I tell you about…”

I said “You”

She said “The time I had the doubt…”

I said “Don’t”

“About whether or not…”

I said “Shut”

“This eyeliner makes me hot…”

I said “Up”

“‘Cause I, like, wasn’t totally sure…”

I said “I”

“If this was chic or, like, couture…”

I said “Will”

“So I called my BFF…”

I said “Do”

“And was like, ‘Sup, my broseph…”

I said “What”

“And he was like, ‘Oh girl…”

I said “Epstein”

“That shade of ivory makes me hurl…”

I said “Didn’t.”

She would stop,

Or so I thought;

She kept talking;

I did not.

I hung around;

She tied the knot.

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TWITTER HAS GONE TOO FAR!!!

A side effect of internet

Expanding the nobodies’ voices

Is what were once called parodies

Are now called valid choices.

Opinions so abhorrent

That no one would speak in person

Are fodder for hysteria,

A fate I fear will worsen.

No civil conversation

Can withstand the hate of distance,

And leaving online life

May be the only sane resistance.

What evidence have I

That things are dire as I claim?

Well, someone unironically

Wrote “Firefly is lame.”

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…Or Something

I’ve read too much to enjoy reading,

Seen to many masterpieces to appreciate beauty.

I am inspired by only passions fleeting,

Never by oughts, my skill, my duty.

To know and love and worship and create

Guides the eye to their lover’s flawed face,

Opening pinholes to unfamiliar hate

That will never be known to those casually committed to their passions.

I will not chase or slay dragons.

I will not rescue or respect damsels.

I will enjoy every moment once

And never seek out or create its sequel.

I want to know love,

And I learn through unfamiliarity.

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Some Jobs Can’t Catch A Break…

Where I live in Washington

The schools are shutting down.

The restaurants are closing

All across my little town.

Musicians, actors, dancers

Have no place to ply their trade

And artists cannot show their work

And therefor can’t get paid.

Amidst setbacks and panic

There’s a cloud with a silver-line:

Though you cannot learn or act

Or dance or sing or dine

There is no ban on poetry

Being posted on the net;

Thus why I’m still writing at 10:39.

Is this virus over yet?

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Happy Valentine’s Everyone!

Today I’m writing poems

To folks I’ve never met

Because the woman that I love

Has not existed yet.

Why I am alone tonight

I surely understand,

But no man can be lonely

When he has his own right hand.

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SERIOUSLY?! DOST THOU KIDDETH THY LORD?!

Somewhere in Heaven

The Gods all look down

At the biggest of cities

And the tiniest town,

They watch people playin’

And workin’ and sleepin’

(It’s okay that they watch us

‘Cause Gods can’t be creepin’).

They shout for our victories,

Sob for our failings,

But one thing holds constant

For all of their wailings:

All Gods will swear

On all that is pious

That those damned referees

Are all fuckin’ biased.

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I’m Getting Stepsistery In My Old Age

Cinderella is the tale

Of a peasant girl named Ella

Who, by being the only nice girl in the world,

Snares the heart of her fella.

Some say we’d all be Cinderella

If the world were entirely jerks

Yet I haven’t met many princesses

So I don’t think that’s how the world works.

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