Tag Archives: Cynical

Predicting the Future

The year was 2055

And Disney was somehow still alive.

Their greatest writer stood and said

“What if Black Panther was white instead?”

And coast to coast the people caved

As bloggers whined and critics raved

And I, at 60 years, just sat

Rewatching Shrek, and that was that.

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When The Next Covid Hits

There’s a zombie in the basement

And a dozen in the alley

And the news says they are spreading

Through the mountain and the valley,

Just a moaning and a eating

Brains and animals galore.

From sea to shining sea’s awash

With tears and sweat and gore.

And here I am in slippers

Eating chili and having a snooze

Because I had the foresight

To then off the evening news.

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12 Vs. 22

“My tummy hurts.

My throat is sore.

I don’t want to go school no more.“

“My soul is charred.

My dreams are dead.

Take an aspirin and go to bed.”

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State of the Union Reaction

I think everything should be free

‘Cause I saw a speech on TV.

I’m glad that the rich

Agree they’re our bitch

And they’ll buy my whole wishlist for me!

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A Universal Truth

There are more stars in the sky

Than grains of sand on Earth,

But none we know of have life

For whatever that is worth.

This tells me that on Earth

Is just like in heaven:

Life doesn’t like solar systems

Under five-foot-eleven.

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Yeah… So Much For “Anything Can Happen”

There once were eight teams

With ambitions and dreams

Of competing for Super Bowl glory.

The boring teams won

And we didn’t have fun

And that’s today’s NFL story.

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Sincerely, Asian Parents

If at first you don’t succeed

Find a doctor or lawyer with which to breed

Then every day remind your kid

They need to succeed at what you never did.

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Talk About Stuck In A Lousy Job!

You think because you aren’t paid well

And work a lot of hours

Doing work you don’t enjoy

And your outlook on life sours

That means you have a lousy job?

Your misery sorely pales

To the job of being the fish they feed

To the SeaWorld killer whales.

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Because “You’re Beautiful Just The Way You Are, And The Right Man Will Love You Forever” Is A Bigoted, Misogynist Message

Pixie dust and fairy farts,

Princess hair and fey Walmarts:

Some came from a movie I loved as a kid.

The others are movies that Disney just did.

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Fro Yo, Before Black People Made That A Greeting/Hairstyle

Somebody once grabbed a cow by the teats

And sucked out the milk and called it good eats

But a little fermented and got full of germs

And people just couldn’t come to grips or terms

So they filled it with sugar and put fruit on the bottom

And sold it in little plastic cups, and folks bought ‘em.

Then someone froze it and, eyes all agleam,

Said “People should buy this instead of ice cream!”

Most of the world disagreed, but alas

White peoplee adored it and paid through the ass.

All over the country we now eat frozen yogurt

Like Iowans mow lawns, and Nevadans mow dirt.

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