Tag Archives: Cynical

Why You Shouldn’t Be An English Major

Bucolic was the morning mist

On fields outside of Boise.

The adults sipped their hot caffein

And the children weren’t noisy.

Within one comely bungalow

A dalliance effloresced.

You probably don’t know what that means

And perhaps it’s for the best.

I bring up this erstwhile dalliance

Between man and ingénou

With intentional insouciance

To show I’m smarter than you.

The denouement of this poem,

Evanescent as it is,

Shows evidence of the inurement

I’ve derived from colleges.

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The Last Jedi’s Valentine

A dozen roses can show your love

If flowers are what your love adores

But if you send a Rose Tico

You might accidentally kill Star Wars.

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How To Write A Superbowl Ad

You start out with a robot

That’s been made with CGI

Who says one beer is best

With no compelling reason why.

Next you strip the advertisement

Of anything resembling humor

So you don’t provoke the many

With an “I’m Offended” tumor.

Then say “We love social justice

“So you should buy our calamari”

With the sincerity of a five-year-old

When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”

The result’s an advertisement

To appeal to a mob

That hates all corporations

But still needs them for their job.

I hope next year’s Sportsball expo

Doesn’t try to be so “woke”

And the 2020 vegans

Are prepared to take a joke.

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Sincerely, God

There’s a billion folks in poverty.

A billion more are sick.

Every day a million innocents

Will fall for dirty tricks.

Homeless folks are freezing

And millions have no food

But you made a cross at halftime

So I’ve got you, football dude!

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If I’d Written This Ten Years Ago I’d Be A Prophet

As Booth did to Lincoln

And school did to fun

I fear that to music

Will quite soon be done.

If you flip the radio

(Or whichever app’s in now)

You’ll find to enunciate

Is practically sin now.

To play any chords

Besides 1, 5, 6, and 4

Makes the average listener

Call such songs a snore

And no matter the genre

You will find bits of rap.

Yes I fear that all music

Will soon become crap.

Is there a solution

To pop music’s decline?

If so, leave a comment.

If not, I’ll just whine.

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Female Sexuality And Privilege In The Fruit-Curing Industry

If I were to pick a peck of pickled peppers

Peter Piper’d have a bone to pick with me?

But if I gave Ol’ Pete a peck

He’d want to bone, ’cause “what the heck”

And I needn’t pay the Piper… He’d pay me!

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A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization

The incidences of protests

Inversely correlate

With the cost of protest signs

And whether people have a date.

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