Tag Archives: Cynical

Feel Free To Replace “Bauer” With That One… Special Person

‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving

And all of the Bauers

Were being ungrateful

For 24 hours

For tomorrow they knew

They must put on a smile

And pretend to be happy,

At least for a while.

Then out of the sun

Did a meteor fall

And struck down the Bauers

And flattened them all.

On Thanksgiving that followed

This disaster from God

Everyone else was happy,

Which no one found odd…

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I’m Just Gonna Let This Hang Here…

Swords have cross-guards,

Hammers have heads,

And NFL cornerbacks

Often have dreads.

Movies have releases

And novels have printin’s,

But why can’t Taylor Swift

Have some dirt on the Clintons?

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He Later Worked For The VA

Sitting in the waiting room,

A boy of almost eight,

Who’s never missed a chance to floss,

Nor abided sugar on his plate.

The scream of dental instruments

(And of those on which they’re used)

Leave me with a sense of peace,

Sedate and much amused.

I wore a three-piece suit to school

The morning ‘fore I came.

I was born to be a dentist

Though the others call me lame.

Yet I fear I shall not meet my dream,

Not for lack of smarts or drive

But because I am indifferent

To whether patients stay alive…

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Legolas and Pitiless

There are lots of similarities

Between Epstein and Tolkien’s elves:

Both hang around with youngsters

And neither of them kill themselves.

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How Dare I?

I don’t think it’s funny

And I don’t think it’s strange

To have autistic teenagers

Opposing climate change.

I find it quite the opposite,

A much welcomed relief

To show that neurotypicals

Need not hold their belief.

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Discover Why Mexicans Use Visa*

“Black guys play the black card.”

That’s how white people said it

Before they made the Master Card

And gave themselves the credit.

*This poem contains no mention of American Express because I couldn’t think of a good “Underground Railroad” joke, and also no one uses American Express.

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It’s Not About What You Say

At The Women’s March

When a man marches with a sign

That says “I love women”

He’s praised as an ally

To the feminist cause.

At The Straight Pride Parade

When a man marches with a sign

That says “I love women”

He’s called a neo-nazi homophobe,

And that gives me pause.

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