Tag Archives: Cynical

EA Poems

There once was a small stoic duck

Who, alas, had run out of luck.

But he soon hatched a plan

And oh boy and oh man!

Unlock the punchline here.

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A Near Miss

I was feeling unfulfilled

As I browsed the worldwide web.

My loneliness was at its peak,

My energy at ebb.

Then I saw an advertisement

That said “Hot Singles Near You.”

I turned on my ad blocker

And was lonely again. Phew!

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It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes

Yesterday I wrote two poems.

I feel like a dunce.

I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)

But it got published at once.

Because of my mistake that day

You must hear me now annunc…

Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless

And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”

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The American Dream

Imagine a world

With doubt, fear, or hate,

Where all have a warm bed

And a full dinner plate,

Where soft is the water

And fertile the soil.

Now let’s bomb that place

And steal their oil!

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…They’re Batman…

I read an article today

That said a woman’s voice

Will rise in pitch if she likes you…

It’s subconscious, not a choice.

I called my female contacts

To test the theory via phones.

I enjoyed a pleasant afternoon

With the voice of James Earl Jones.

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I’m a Bad Boyfriend And A Bad Global Citizen

I always treat a girl to Ethiopian food

Whenever we have a first date.

There’s nothing quite like the look on her face

When they bring her an empty plate.

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They Just Did It

Nike pays their workers

About sixteen dollars a week for

Them to work 80 hours

Making a pricey brand-name sneaker

(That’s twenty cents an hour

For those with a math obsession)

But hey! They’re paying Kaepernick

To speak out against oppression.

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