Tag Archives: Cynical

Mornings

Like the breath of the moon I watched my thoughts

And sang within my heart,

Combining dreams with promises

Into an invisible art.

I listened for the absent birds

Counting seconds before they pass

Which is a more mystical way to say

I was tired so I sat on my ass.

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Butt Weight… There’s More

I like girls who are polite

And women who are modest.

I like girls with joie de vivre

Although they’re not the hottest.

I like girls who demonstrate

A sense of generosity

Yet girls I meet prefer to flaunt

Their callipygiosity.

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Capitalism In Action

People are saying college is expensive,

That $100,000 in debt isn’t fine.

I worked hard to get a scholarship

And only owe $99,999.99

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Next Week: Child Puts “Mean People Suck” Bumper Sticker On Car, Wins Nobel Prize For Literature

It’s nice to know

In this day and age

Time Magazine will

Give you the front page

And give you the title

“Person of the year”

For being perturbed

Where rich people can hear.

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Feel Free To Replace “Bauer” With That One… Special Person

‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving

And all of the Bauers

Were being ungrateful

For 24 hours

For tomorrow they knew

They must put on a smile

And pretend to be happy,

At least for a while.

Then out of the sun

Did a meteor fall

And struck down the Bauers

And flattened them all.

On Thanksgiving that followed

This disaster from God

Everyone else was happy,

Which no one found odd…

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I’m Just Gonna Let This Hang Here…

Swords have cross-guards,

Hammers have heads,

And NFL cornerbacks

Often have dreads.

Movies have releases

And novels have printin’s,

But why can’t Taylor Swift

Have some dirt on the Clintons?

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He Later Worked For The VA

Sitting in the waiting room,

A boy of almost eight,

Who’s never missed a chance to floss,

Nor abided sugar on his plate.

The scream of dental instruments

(And of those on which they’re used)

Leave me with a sense of peace,

Sedate and much amused.

I wore a three-piece suit to school

The morning ‘fore I came.

I was born to be a dentist

Though the others call me lame.

Yet I fear I shall not meet my dream,

Not for lack of smarts or drive

But because I am indifferent

To whether patients stay alive…

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