Tag Archives: Cynical

If Five Meaningful Episodes Is Too Much You Could Write A Sitcom Instead

As far as I can tell

All you need to do well

As a writer for TV

Is to write a detective show

Where your always-brilliant lead

Has some flaw or special need

That makes them an outsider

With a mono-syllabic name.

Then add someone to kiss

And a grand nemesis

That might, perhaps, be

More brilliant than they.

You need only in joint

Write five episodes with a point,

Then 17 worth of filler

And you’re on your way!

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The Honest Politician’s Prayer

I am a tree without a trunk,

A neck without a spine,

A car without a chassis,

A roller coaster with no line.

I’m an eskimo in Florida,

Someone humble in LA.

You’ve probably never seen me

And it’ll probably stay that way.

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An Only-Somewhat-Exaggerated Tale Of Today (Dedicated To Seth)

Today I drove a thousand miles

From WA to San Jose,

With a bunch of flaming morons

Tailgating me the whole way,

Weaving through the traffic

Like quilters yearning for death

All behind a mini cooper

Going 20 (License Plate: IMSETH).

As I recline, safe somehow,

On my Californian bed

A realization formed inside

My woeful weary head.

I-5 South, the freeway

A thousand miles through crazyville

Should better be renamed

The route of all evil.

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Am I Transgender?

When I was born, the doctor

Did declare I was a boy,

But as I’ve grown big and older

I recognized the ploy.

I want to live a simple life

And never go to work

Which means I want to be a woman

(Either that or I’m a jerk).

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The Terrible Luck Of Being Born Into Non-Dysfunctional Cultural Paradigms

Yesterday, on Facebook,

I saw an event

That a friend wanted to,

In the future, say they went.

It was a play by Young Jean Lee

Called “Straight White Men,”

And, somewhere in my soul

I thought “Lord, not again!”

So I read the description

Of this play, ’cause ’twas late.

It said “a comedy about the people

“Who we all love to hate.”

Now that was enlightening,

And since then I’ve learned

Racism’s when white men feel good

About all that they’ve earned.

So as a straight white man

Who lives in a place

Where the windows aren’t broken

And walls aren’t defaced,

Where all violent crimes

Are, in general, rare,

I learned that such luxuries

Just aren’t fair.

I learned that I’m “privileged,”

‘Cause my life doesn’t suck,

That I’m not a poor druggy

Quite simply by luck,

That my checking account

Still has money to spare

Not because of good choices

But because life’s not fair.

Straight white men are evil

For being ourselves.

We should donate our homes

To black people or elves.

Up ’til now I’ve lived honestly,

Tried to do what was right.

I see now that’s impossible

Because I am white!

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Dragons > National Debt

A princess was stolen by dragons

Some hundreds of eons ago

And instead of waiting to be slain

The dragons just stir-fried the hoe.

The kingdom saved money on dresses

And a new sense of peace was acquired.

The dragons had balls, which meant

That dancing at balls ain’t required.

The knights stopped jousting each other

For no prizes were there to be won,

And the taxes went down, people made fewer gowns,

And the populace had lots of fun.

When you don’t have to pay for a princess

How happy the white knights can get.

The only downside is the dragons

Whose tummies have gotten upset.

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Divorce, Basically

She liked the way he smiled

So she waited ’til he slept

Then grabbed a pair of scissors

And into his room she crept.

She scissored off his jawbone

And hung it on her wall.

Now he pays her alimony

And sees the kids once every Fall.

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