Conversion Tactics

I was visited last afternoon
By friendly Mr. Levin
Who stopped by, presumably,
To get me into Heaven.

He handed me a pamphlet
About discovering Jehovah,
But being an ad exec myself
It didn’t win me ovah.

So I came up with a new campaign
For the door-to-door believers
To double their conversion rate
And make them high achievers:

They could give out bottles of water
In tribute to the divine,
But if you come to hear a sermon
You can trade for a bottle of wine.

They could host some seminars
On days when it is raining
Giving a new-agey mix
Of spiritual sales training.

If you want to walk on water
A witness has a deal for you:
Free water skiing lessons
If you’ll sing hallelu’.

By now you will have realized
I didn’t read their stuff,
But I tried to help as best I could.
I hope that was enough.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

One response to “Conversion Tactics

  1. Beth Heffernan

    So funny!

    Sent from my iPad



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