Craigslist Roommate

It’s cool you cut your own hair,

That you’re into taxidermy,

But maybe do those both outside…

Could you do that for me?
And I know you love your tuba.

It is an amazing instrument,

But playing it at 3:00 AM

Makes me want to raise your rent.
I don’t mind extended family.

In fact, it’s great you are so close,

But eloping with your cousin

In my basement’s kinda gross.
I know I said no pets allowed,

And to that I will hold true,

But unless you leave my presence

I will sic the dogs on you.