Tag Archives: Roommate

Valor’s Better Half (Alternate Title: Close To Home)

Discretion is a virtue

For which some have a knack.

Alas, it seems my roommate

In this department oft does lack.

I too must use discretion

When I lay upon his pillow

Subtle ads for soundproofing

And houses for rent on Zillow.

His endurance is remarkable

As much as his discretion.

He can “dance” for 90 minutes

Split into 60 micro-sessions.

I thought about live-tweeting

My compatriot’s loving dance

But by the time I’d typed my password

I’d already lost my chance.

Now in addition to discretion

Temperance I must display

To avoid sending him this poem

About his “bet you can’t have just one” lays.

You might call that passive-aggressive

And Dear Reader you’d be right.

I’ll ponder such implications

As I’m live-tweeting tonight.


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Craigslist Roommate

It’s cool you cut your own hair,

That you’re into taxidermy,

But maybe do those both outside…

Could you do that for me?
And I know you love your tuba.

It is an amazing instrument,

But playing it at 3:00 AM

Makes me want to raise your rent.
I don’t mind extended family.

In fact, it’s great you are so close,

But eloping with your cousin

In my basement’s kinda gross.
I know I said no pets allowed,

And to that I will hold true,

But unless you leave my presence

I will sic the dogs on you.

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