I saw an ad for a psychiatrist.
His reviews said “he’s magnificent.”
I needed a psychiatrist
And so to his place I went.
I told him how my father
Left my mother when I was young,
How I suffered from a crippling fear
Of swallowing my tongue,
Of how I had anxiety,
Social and miscellaneous,
And until now had found talking
About my feelings to be extraneous.
The magnificent psychiatrist
Listened closely to my fear,
Then he said “I’ve found the problem…
“It’s this coin behind your ear.”
And as he drew a quarter
From where my lobe and auricle met
His other hand gave me a bill
And the shrink said “you’re all set.”
I left his office happier…
That I can say for sure.
I can also say with certainty
I won’t be using Yelp no more.