I saw an ad for a psychiatrist.

His reviews said “he’s magnificent.”

I needed a psychiatrist

And so to his place I went.

I told him how my father

Left my mother when I was young,

How I suffered from a crippling fear

Of swallowing my tongue,

Of how I had anxiety,

Social and miscellaneous,

And until now had found talking

About my feelings to be extraneous.

The magnificent psychiatrist 

Listened closely to my fear,

Then he said “I’ve found the problem…

“It’s this coin behind your ear.”

And as he drew a quarter

From where my lobe and auricle met

His other hand gave me a bill

And the shrink said “you’re all set.”

I left his office happier…

That I can say for sure.

I can also say with certainty

I won’t be using Yelp no more.

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