“Every single woman
Who is single seems to be
Either fat, a slut, a robot,
Or living far away from me.
I may be exaggerating,
My standards set too high,
But I’m getting sick of looking
And I cannot tell a lie.”
Hear ye, frustrated seeker
Of a love that doesn’t suck:
Your whining has been heard
And it turns out you’re in luck!
A new app’s been developed
You can download on your phone
That can take your DNA
And produce your romantic clone.
“Responder to my whining…
The problem is, you see,
That my standards are so high
That I’m not good enough for me.”
Whiny loveless seeker…
The nail’s head’s been hit.
If you’re sure no one will ever be
A truly perfect fit
Then go and buy a puppy
Or a dolphin or a snake
So your next of kin gets something
After you drown yourself in a lake.
The Daily Travesty 