It was one of those days
When you want apple pie
But the waitress is cute
And you’re just too shy.
It’s one of those days
To spend at the riverbank
But when you drive there, the water’s
All stuck in a tank.
You want to hang out
With men who are classy
But good guys are drunk, so you settle
For guys who’re half-assy.
And you and your half-assy
Friends you’ll soon see
Just sit around singing
About mortality.
Oh my my,
I missed the American pie.
Drove my chevy to the levy
But the levy was dry,
And the good old boys
Were drinking whiskey and rye.
Yeah, I guess this’ll be
The day that I die.
The Daily Travesty 