I took a fifteen minute shower
To get all clean and bright,
But when I stepped in it
The water wasn’t right.
At first it was too hot to stand,
So I bumped it down a little.
It turned out either hot or cold,
But nowhere in the middle.
I got out and toweled off
And went to check the heater.
It may have been fine. I don’t know.
I couldn’t read the meter.
So I called up a plumber
To come down that afternoon.
He said that he would call me back.
I hope he shows up soon.
And so I had a sponge bath
That took upwards of an hour
Cause I waited for the sponge to cool
From the overheated shower.
Then I hopped into my car
Stuck in my key and turned,
When a friendly orange dash light
Said my gas had all been burned.
I sweated thirty miles
On my tandem bike, alone.
I’d have called you when I left
But I forgot my phone.
And here I am, alive and well,
Although I’m somewhat harried.
Any minute now my darling one
Will come, and we’ll get married.
The Daily Travesty 