Category Archives: To the Reader

This Is Infinitely Better Than Whatever Poem I Come Up With Today

http://inspirobot.me/

Do it 🙂

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Walmart 8: 3-9

3: The disciples were doubtful

4: And they said “Lord, it cannot be done, for no man hath ever done it

5: But Jesus said “Do not be doubtful or have doubt or other synonyms for uncertainty.”

6: And he scanned the first item and placed it in the bagging area.

7: But there was no alarm or error message, and no staff member had to enter an arbitrary code to validate that the avocados were indeed on sale, and the whole purpose of the self checkout was not rendered moot.

8: The disciples were shocked and declared “Jesus Christ!”

9: And Jesus was all like “yeah bro. Nothing is impossible ’cause God.”

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A Poetical Update/Cry For Help

As I was reading through my blog

Upon this snowy day

I realized there’s lots of posts

That, by default, went away.

There are two-thousand-something poems

That I’ve written on this site

And to have them be forgotten

Just really isn’t right.

I looked into solutions

But to add a button here

To send you to a random post

Costs $600 a year (Seriously WordPress? Seriously?)

So my solution to preserve

Those posts into which I put thought

Is to compile a book that’s bigger

Than the books you’ve already bought. (Hint hint)

So a thing that I am wondering

About my biggest-book-yet dream

Is whether to just compile stuff

Or whether to have a theme.

And here’s the part where you come in:

Please help me make you happy

By commenting or emailing me

Advice to make the book less crappy…

Is an omnibus of random poems

With my thoughts added enough

Or do you want a theme again

With more never-published stuff?

And if, of course, you don’t reply

I’ll just decide myself

But I’ll make the cover aubergine

So it looks weird on your shelf 🙂

Comments welcomed on the site, or emailed to thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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All The Credit To You!

It took almost six whole years

But this blog has made it’s mark.

One-thousand and five subscribers

Have felt TDT’s spark.

It proves, with dedication,

Anyone can win it:

I did in 69 months

What a bikini-clad person does in minutes!

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51% And Growing

What if, with perfect certainty, you knew how to be good. You

Would have no ills or evils. With this great power would you

Live your life accordingly, an angel we’d admire,

Or is flawless, certain perfection a goal to which you’d not aspire?

Now if perfection weren’t certain and ’twas painful to act well

Would you trade your Earthly pleasure for 50/50 odds of Hell?

Would you suffer every moment if it might bring future joy

Or would you say “be happy now” and make pleasure your toy?

The point that I am making is in our uncertain years

Where our good or evil instincts are affected by our fears

That we might be a villain who believes that we are just

Or perhaps a clumsy angel whose good intent is all a bust.

If you’d be truly evil or would be extremely good

Then here’s a course of action that to take I think you should:

To seek a path of certainty. Through thinking you will find

More often the results you seek are those which you will find

And if another does you wrong seek not to cast your blame

But know that if you thought like him you’d probably do the same.

Hero, villain, victim are alike a future you

So why not think and weight the coin that judges all we do?

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A Lie Detector Poem

Such is the river adamant:

Neither deep

Nor swift upon the rocks

Of misunderstanding,

Nor should she nod

When it means “optic nerve,”

Or so the sages said.

Two times the wolf.

Two times the narrator.

So why is this a lie detector?

Just read this to someone and ask them what it means to them.

If they say “it’s crap,” congratulations! You have an honest friend.

If they say “the bit about the wolf was chilling” (or anything else, for that matter) you have a suck up, a liar, or (worst of all) a PhD on your hands.

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I’m (Almost) Too Hungry To Shamelessly Plug… 

Today my only meal

Was half a can of sour grapes,

Fortified by some shampoo

And a bit of rattlesnake.

I would’ve snapped a photo

But I figure no one’d look…

This could’ve been avoided

If you’d only bought my book!

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