I said I’d return to my blog today,
This 30th day of September.
I’m tired, and I’d rather be sleeping right now,
But commitment I need to remember.
And remember indeed I do.
I remember a commitment I made back in May:
I killed a man to to write on this blog on schedule,
And to jail I was committed the next day.
Filed under Poems
‘Twas a misty night, and Watson
Accompanied by Sherlock Holmes,
Pitched their tent under the stars
And went where dreams do roams.
A couple hours later,
Sherlock shook his friend awake.
He said, “Watson, look above you,
And tell me what observation you can make.”
Watson looked above him
And saw millions of stars.
“If there’s millions of stars above us,
Maybe there are planets with life, like ours.”
Sherlock sighed, annoyed,
And into the woods he went.
“Where are you going?” Watson shouted.
Holmes replied, “To find our tent.”
Filed under Poems
“I’d like to give a fuck,” he said
As he looked me in the eye,
“But I’m afraid I used my last one up
On your mother the other night.”
And so I asked the fellow,
“Why does it make you proud
To look me in my eye right here
And announce unto the crowd
That you expended a limited sex drive,
and, if I might ask, why in Hades
Would you be so very proud
To score with middle aged ladies?”
And so he slunk off quietly,
And to those who know folks like him:
Do the world a favor,
Just find the guy and spike him!
Filed under Poems
Two statues stood in a park
Gazing at each other.
One of them was a naked man,
The other his naked lover.
A fairy came to them one day
And gave to them a present.
She let them live like human beings,
(Or at least to live like peasants).
The statues thanked the fairy,
But the fairy warned them this way:
“You must return in fifteen minutes
That’s all the life for today.”
The statues then retired
Into a nearby bush.
Some giggling was audible,
And certain things went “woosh.”
They then returned to the fairy,
Who looked at them quite oddly.
“You still have seven minutes left,
Why not make them as Godly?”
So the statues looked at one another,
And the woman, to the man, said
“Alright, this time I’ll hold the pigeon
And you poop on its head!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 