Tag Archives: Naughty

What Faith Means To Me

Today I thought about the world

And realized I may be

The star of the highest-budget porno

Filmed in the 27th century

In which nerdy, broke, virgin poets

Are the ultimate symbol of lust.

So far I’ve only seen opening credits

But just saying… In God I trust!

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H*ck Yeah!

If you’re afraid someone might think

That you’re sort of a d*ck

Then emulate the mainstream news

And use this little tr*ck

Wherein you take a common word

Like ch*cken, sn*ke, or d*sc

And replace one relevant l*tter

With a h*ndy asterisk!

N*body can blame you

Or say you’re being r*de

‘Cause words like f*ck and bullsh*t

Are not, in themselves cr*de.

Don’t w*rry about the fact

That you can read all this just f*ne:

What m*tters is that readers

Know you h*ven’t got a sp*ne.

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Dr. Seuss Writes An Adult Book

All the Whos down in Whoville

Liked warm beds a lot,

But the Grinch north of Whoville

Had but one lukewarm cot.

For a while he was fine,

Sleeping without a care

‘Til he saw Roxxi Whooter

Whose “whos” just weren’t fair.

The Grinch called to Roxxi,

“Yoohoo, you Who! Who

“Are you?” And she answered

“Just the right Who for you.”

And so the two sidled

From the town to the cranny

Where the Grinch made his home.

On his mind? Hootenanny!

At first he was nervous,

But the Grinch got it going

When what once was hidden

Was suddenly showing.

His heart grew six sizes

But that wasn’t all,

For the Grinch had Thing One

And Thing Two, neither small…

A while shortly passed.

After that, one while more…

Not a Who down in Whoville

Got much sleep, that’s for sure.

What had been merely good

Seemed to now be fantastic

Until Roxxi Who asked,

“Will that be cash or plastic?”

Thus went Grinch’s money

And the Grinch’s six sizes.

To the real Dr. Seuss:

This poet apologizes.

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Happy Prime Day (Or My Sense Of Humor When I Stay Up Too Late)

In 36 minutes

The world goes on sale

And you can buy with a click

A big TV

Or game machine

Or even a bigger… machine.

You can spend

With a plastic card

From a company that travels to Venus

But you’ll still seek

A solution to

Your very tiny… bank account.

I didn’t mean

For this poem to be

This amount of long,

But then I thought

Of way too many

Things that rhyme with… ya know?

And so I end

With a big salute

To anyone named Morgan

And wish you

Happy Prime Day

And a poetic male organ.

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Also, My Stepmom Is A Lot More Distant Now

I got tired of seeing ads

For beer and women’s shoes

So I installed an ad blocker

‘Cause what did I have to lose?

Soon my girlfriend Yui called

Saying, “Dave, you’re such a bore!”

I guess it’s my fault hot asians

Don’t want to date me anymore…

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Extremely Forced Naughty Jokes Are Tight!

It might mean very different things

When I say to my girlfriend

“I still can’t understand you,”

Followed by: “Come again?”

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The Dirty Mind Test

The colored leaves of Autumn

Were sweet, naïve, and tame

But all of that changed

When the leaf blower came…

They shuddered and whispered

And were blown like a flag,

Then they wiped themselves off

With the maple leaf rag.

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Psalm 6:15 AM

1. And the Lord said: Thou shalt shower

2. And when thou have finished with the shower thou shall dry your face and balls

3. And shall dry thine face first, but sometimes have to dry it again after the balls

4. But fear not, for the Towel has a short memory

5. And where once thine genitals were dried, the spot shall be made clean

6. And the next morning the towel shall be refreshed, as if untouched the day prior.

7. And shouldst thou be aroused at any time

8. Thou shall hang the towel upon the “ready servant” and rejoice in your manliness

8. But thou shall not speak of this ritual to women,

9. ‘Cause bro, why wouldst thou?

The word of the Lord

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Any Time An “…Uck” Word Falls Into The Rhyme Scheme

I wanted to play hockey

And be like a Canuck.

I settled for air hockey

But I didn’t have a puck.

A lot of you tuned out of the story

Because the last rhyme might be (from the record struck)

And for those of you who think that

Too bad! You’re out of luck.

(Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk)

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You Didn’t Eat Your Broccoli, Thus…

Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.

Yeah, that’s a thing that Satan wants to do.

His mouth’s already watering

At the prospect of slaughtering

That tasty human spirit that is you!

Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.

I heard him to his Mrs. Satan say

“Hey, why don’t you and me go

“Have some eggs and Human Ego

“As a nutritious snack to start the day!”

Satan has a hunch

That it’s too soon for lunch

And, by that logic, also too soon for dinner.

But they don’t sleep-in in Hell

And to start his day off well

You are the perfect portion size of sinner!

(Everybody)!

Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.

He wants to fill his belly with your Id.

I hope you’ve read your Dante

‘Cause you’re what Satan wants. Hey!

That’s what you get for being a naughty kid!

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