I went to the science store
To buy subatomic particles.
It’s something I discovered
Reading “Modern Physics” articles.
They sold protons and electrons in
Small, medium, and large
But they just gave away the neutrons
Completely free of charge.
Bonus humor if you can prove how the title is fallacious.
I once went shopping at the mall
With a Russian guy and a Russian doll.
The Russian guy could reach the top shelf
But the Russian doll was too full of herself.
The stormtrooper lands
In Nairobi, Kenya
And fires his blaster
Into the falling H2O.
The Jedi asks the trooper
“What was all that?”
And the trooper says
“I miss the rains down in Africa.”
If you think you’re very nice
I’ll leave you this reminder:
No matter how kind you happen to be
German children will always be kinder.
If you read the first jokes
And your focus yet lingers
How ’bout the Roman
Who held up two fingers
And said to the bartender
“Howdy there Clive!”
Clive asked “Two beers?”
But the Roman said “Five.”
When France declared a civil war
At first we wondered “But what for?”
But thanks to the historically well-versed
We learned it was an argument about who surrendered first.
He started as a humble sponge
Used to being ignored.
Then he got famous, his ego grew,
And he became self-absorbed.
I picked up a hitchhiking balloon
Who was waiting at a bus stop.
I asked what sort of music he liked;
He said “Anything but pop.”
My relationship: I wanted to end it.
I told my girl “I want to be independent.”
In her right jacket-pocket
She had my photo in a locket
And said “You are… in de pendant!”
…So I killed her.
The lady on the internet
I thought that was her phone number
But, alas, ’twas just her weight.
My sex life is like a game of bridge,
And I don’t mean bland:
I don’t need a partner
‘Cause I have an awesome hand.