Tag Archives: Mothers

Without My Mom You’d Still Be Pretending To Like Robert Frost

Today we thank our mothers,

The reason we’re alive,

The commuter jets of fetuses

That ensured to life we’d arrive.

And after our delivery

Their labors didn’t stop;

Our every cry reminded them

Of a long-ago hop-on-Pop.

They spent many sleepless hours

Changing diapers, wiping tears,

Just for us to becomes teenagers

All full of angst and sneers.

But two moms we thank today

Whose children are divine.

One is the virgin Mary

And the other mom is mine.

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Best Mom in History

This day, 60 years ago
My dearest Mom was born,
Her infant eyes already wise,
Her heart devoid of scorn.

She gazed upon the world
And I know just what she thinkt:
“I hope these fantastic dinosaurs
Will never go extinct.”

16 years later was her first job
Bottling wine and building pyramids.
She’s had a lot of jobs since then
(You might say she’s had myriads).

A smaller number of years ago,
(Precisely 23),
My mother gave birth to the warmup kid
Who she had three years before me.

And when I was born, her lengthy life
Was instantly fulfilled.
I love you ma, and T-Rex agrees,
Even though by a meteor he was killed.

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Your Mom

“I’d like to give a fuck,” he said

As he looked me in the eye,

“But I’m afraid I used my last one up

On your mother the other night.”

 

And so I asked the fellow,

“Why does it make you proud

To look me in my eye right here

And announce unto the crowd

 

That you expended a limited sex drive,

and, if I might ask, why in Hades

Would you be so very proud

To score with middle aged ladies?”

 

And so he slunk off quietly,

And to those who know folks like him:

Do the world a favor,

Just find the guy and spike him!

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