Today we thank our mothers,
The reason we’re alive,
The commuter jets of fetuses
That ensured to life we’d arrive.
And after our delivery
Their labors didn’t stop;
Our every cry reminded them
Of a long-ago hop-on-Pop.
They spent many sleepless hours
Changing diapers, wiping tears,
Just for us to becomes teenagers
All full of angst and sneers.
But two moms we thank today
Whose children are divine.
One is the virgin Mary
And the other mom is mine.
“I’d like to give a fuck,” he said
As he looked me in the eye,
“But I’m afraid I used my last one up
On your mother the other night.”
And so I asked the fellow,
“Why does it make you proud
To look me in my eye right here
And announce unto the crowd
That you expended a limited sex drive,
and, if I might ask, why in Hades
Would you be so very proud
To score with middle aged ladies?”
And so he slunk off quietly,
And to those who know folks like him:
Do the world a favor,
Just find the guy and spike him!