My Bathroom Enemy

(This one’s for anyone who’s lives in a five bedroom, one bath house).

It’s seven fifty-five

And I work at eight.

He’s the only reason

That I’m always late.

He used up the hot water

But he doesn’t care.

He gets back in the shower.

He forgot to wash his hair.

My bathroom nemesis

Taking his daily bowel exodus!

He thinks that it’s his destiny

To be the only one to pee!

My bathroom enemy.

One I day got the flu.

I was puking for days,

I couldn’t use the bathroom

‘Cause of what’s-his-face.

At midnight I snuck in

To go number two.

We’re out of toilet paper.

Oh yeah! Guess who?

My bathroom adversary

Taking longer than necessary.

He thinks that it’s his destiny

To be the only one to pee.

My bathroom enemy!

I haven’t bathed in eighteen days.

I just can’t get around this guy.

I’ve has enough. I’ll show him

A brand new bathroom in the sky!

And when he’s dead

We’ll think we’re saved,

But the corpse will miss the burial

‘Cause he still hasn’t shaved!

My bathroom supervillain,

On the procelain throne, just chillin’.

Turns out it’s not his destiny

To be the only one to pee.

The other roommates worship me

‘Cause I killed my bathroom enemy!

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8 Comments

Filed under Poems

8 responses to “My Bathroom Enemy

  1. “The corpse will miss the burial ’cause he still haven’t shaved.” That’s a profound line. Good work.

    Like

  2. Mamacita

    Purely fictional, I assume

    Like

  3. Six flatmates in a one bathroom house was no better. I went down the road to the public toilets a few nights. They didn’t care at all.

    Like

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